Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Old Beavis

Hey Butt-head, I think we got enough coins out of the river to get the bike fixed.

Old Butt-head

Uh, that means it's enough money to buy beer with, dumbass.

Old Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. Beer rules. You're a good friend, Butt-head.

Old Butt-head

You're damn right.

Beavis

Look, dude! A frog!

FROG BASEBALL!!

Butt-head

GET IT!!

Beavis

Look, Butt-head! Mrs. Higgins' poodle!

DOG BASEBALL!!

Butt-head

GET IT!!

Beavis

Don't wanna fall in mud!

Butt-head

All I wanna do is sell my blood!

Beavis

What do you think they pay for like a gallon of blood?

Butt-head

Just be cool Dude! Don't take their first offer!

Beavis

How they do like get it out Dude?

Butt-head

They give you a big knife, then you cut your hand and like bleed in the bucket. Huh, Huh

Beavis

Hea hea, that's cool!

Butt-head

They give you a big old bottle of 'Mad Dog 20/20' to drink first. Huh, Huh

Beavis

High Test!

Butt-head

And then, when you're done. Don't forget to stand up realy fast.

Beavis

Hmmhhh

Butt-head

If you're lucky you'll pass out!

Beavis

Cool!

Now people, do you know what I mean, when I say that animals are sentient creatures? Daria?

Daria

They think and feel just like us?

Wel just like most of us, anyway. And that brings us to our next class project. : Did you know people that a furrier is planning to set up a shop in this town ?

Butt-Head

Huh Huh, furrier than who? Huh Huh

Beavis

Heh Heh, Yeah Heh Heh

Who can tell me how they kill these poor little animals that they use to make those furs? Anybody?

Daria

Anal electrocution?

That's correct.

Beavis

What's that mean ?

Tell the class, Daria.

Daria

50.000 Volts up the butt!

Butt-Head

Huh Huh, That'd be cool!

Beavis

Wonder what that feels like.

Butt-Head

Huh Huh, ask your Dad! Huh Huh

Do you wanna say something, Butt-Head?

Butt-Head

Er, Huh Huh, on behalf of the class I would like to propose a field trip so we can observe this freeing techniques!

I don't think so,Butt-Head! In fact, I think our duty as passengers on spaceship earth is to put a stop to these monstrous acts right away! So class, our assignment is a lesson in the people's power. We're going to take a petition door to door and collect enough signatures to keep the furriers out of town.

Beavis

Er,you like animals ?

What ? What ? Just a minute. Shut up ! Shut up or I have to put your slipe! Now, what did you want ?

Butt-Head

Er never mind ! Huh Huh

Beavis

No one is gonna sign this thing!

Butt-Head

Yeah! huh huh! Petitions are stupid!

Daria

And when this "magic bullet" went into the President's chest, it had to make a sharp turn in order to exit his body from the neck. Then it would have had to turn right, then left, and somehow have enough energy to hit the Governor in the front seat. Clearly, the assassination was a conspiracy.

Butt-Head

Huhuhuh...oral.

Beavis

Yeah, heheh, I'm going to do an anal report.

Daria

You guys will never graduate.

Butt-Head

Uhh... never masturbate?

Daria

Graduate! It's when you're all done with school.

Beavis

You mean, like, school ends?

That's right, Beavis. When you finish high school, you'll never have to take another class if you don't want to. But that's not going to happen if you don't give your oral report right now.

Beavis

My report, is on the time, me and Butt-Head had like, dinner and stuff.

Now Beavis, what does that have to do with American hist--

Beavis

[angrily] Shut up, I'm not done yet!

Beavis

(on the radio) Wow Butt-head check out the size of that rubber.

Come on make a spacific offer for sex.

Butt-head

(on the radio) That's a shower cap dumbass.

Tom Anderson

Now what in the hell are you two boys supposed to be?

Beavis

I'm a nad.

Butt-head

I'm a dumbass. Check it out. Uh huh huh huh. Uh huh huh. Uhuhuhuhuhuh.

Beavis

Yeah well it's like, we'd all like to go home. Hell, I'd like to go home and spank my monkey! In fact, heh heh, that's a pretty good idea. So you two have to stay here and work late. Heh heh, and, um, Butt-head is in charge, because he's got..."sen-ror-ity" or something. Heh heh.

Butt-head

Uh, cool! Huh huh huh, clean the grill, McVicker!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, let's get out of here...

Hey, no cutters buddy.

Butt-head

Shut up, Stewart! Come on, Beavis, let's go.

Beavis

Uuuuummm, have we met before, sir?

Butt-head

It's me, you bunghole!

Beavis

Uuuummm, what's a bunghole?

Butt-head

You're a bunghole, bunghole!

Hey, Cro magnon, you can't use a word to define one self.

Beavis

Yeah, Cro magnon.

Butt-head

I can too, bunghole. Come on Beavis, let's go...

Beavis

Hey, let go, pervert! We still have to give out Gingerbread Men.

Butt-head

Cut the crap, Beavis; you still owe me a dollar!

Beavis

Help! Help! Who are you!?!

This just in, our guest reporters Beavis and Butt-head are on the scene. What's happening down there guys? [dissolve to Beavis and Butt-head stuck behind a crowd]

Butt-head

Uhh, this sucks, Loder, we can't see anything.

Beavis

Wait a minute, you know, that's not true, Butt-head, we can see a lot of butts.

Butt-head

Uhh, oh yeah.

Hey, hey, don't just stand there, guys, interview somebody, will you?

Butt-head

Uhh, we could interview their butts. [laughs]

Beavis

Yeah! It'd be like, "Hello butt, what do you think of the parade so far?" and they'd be like [imitates fart noises] "Well, BBBBBRRRRRFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!"

Butt-head

Uhh, shut up, Beavis. That isn't even funny. Uhh, besides, I wanna see, like, naked butts.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really. You know Loder, the butts were a lot better at that porno place, and it was a lot warmer too.

Butt-head

Yeah, really. Hey Loder, here's a news report for you. I'm freezing my nutsack off.