Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Buzzcut

I am beginning to wonder if you boys have ever taken a shower in your lives. What in the hell do you think you're doing with your underwear still on?

Beavis

Um, we don't want anybody looking at our nads.

Butt-head

Yeah, are you one of those gym teachers that likes to hang out and watch dudes in the shower?

Buzzcut

Dammit, boys, you have pushed me to the limit! You're not getting out of it this time! I'm gonna tear your - [the fire alarm begins to go off] That's the fire alarm! Now hurry up and get out of here!

Butt-Head

Dude, we have been saved by the power supreme.

Beavis

Yeah, fire drills rule.

Buzzcut

Are you deaf? That's the fire alarm! Get the hell out of here now!

Butt-Head

Uhhh... We're just gonna like, get dressed first.

Beavis

We'll be right out. See you later.

Buzzcut

That is a FIRE ALARM! That means the school may be burning down! Now if you don't get the hell out of here, I'm gonna personally grab you by the grundies AND DRAG YOU OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY! SO GET THE HELL OUT! NOW!

What do you do if your dog accendently goes to the bathroom in your house.

Beavis

(Fending off the dog in the backround) Rub his nose in it.

Butt-head

Uhh I'd kick his ass.

Beavis

Rub his nose in it, then kick his ass.

  We'll be right back with more of the life cycle of the dung beetle right after this.

Butt-head

  Huh, huh, huh.  Dung.

Beavis

  Yeah.  Dung.

  It's cold in here.

Beavis

  Hey, Butt-head, that dog just talked.

Butt-head

  He did not, dumbass.

  Won't you please take me into your nice, warm home?

Butt-head

  See, his lips aren't moving.

Beavis

  Oh, yeah.

Butt-head

  He's, like, communicating tele-pathetically.

Beavis

  Oh, yeah.

  Every year, we kill thousands of dogs like the ones you see here, just because they weren't adopted in time.  We don't like to do it, but we have to.  It's the law.

Butt-head

  Whoa.

  Adopt a dog now, before it's too late.

Butt-head

  Hey, Beavis, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Beavis

  Yeah.  Those dung beetles are pretty cool.

Butt-head

  Dumbass.

Butt-head

  Our dog's gonna be cool.  We'll have to, like, teach him to do cool tricks and stuff.

Beavis

  Yeah.  Sit, boy.  Sit.  Sit.  Sit or I'll kick your ass.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  That's not a cool trick.  A cool trick is, like, to teach him to, like, bite stuff.

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah.  Bite, bite, bite.  Bite everything.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  We're gonna teach him to, like, bite stuff that sucks.

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah.  Yeah.

Butt-head

  This is gonna be cool.

You're watching PBS.

Butt-head

He said "BS".

Beavis

But first he said "P".

  You're watching PBS.

Butt-head

  He said "B.S."

Beavis

  But first he said "pee."

Number 1, I order you to take a Number Two.

Beavis

Aye-aye, Captain.

Butt-head

[chorus] Here's the story of a guy named Butt-head, who was horny for three very lovely girls...

Beavis

[chorus] Then along came a guy named Beavis, he was horny too.

They're a real bargain at only $2 each. Heck, they practically sell themselves! Now, what if I told you that the richest man...

Butt-head

[mockingly] Blah blah blah blah blaaah bluhhh-ehhh!

Beavis

[in imitation] Blaaaah-blaaaah, heck, they practically sell themselves, ehhhh!

Well, you two seem to be real know-it-alls. Why don't you tell us what you're gonna say when a customer says "no"?

Butt-head

Uhhhh, I'd say, "blah blah blah blah blah-leuuuh-luh!"

Beavis

[in imitation again] Blah blah blah blah, what do you say when a customer says no? You seem to know it all! Blah blah blah-blah-blah-blah!

Butt-head

Our school's making us sell candy.

Beavis

Yeah, we're losers!

Mr. Anderson

What in the hell kind of sales approach is that?! You boys couldn't sell a dollar for 50 cents.

Butt-head

He wants what's in your pocket.

Beavis

He's a pocket fisherman.

Oh no, you're not gonna pull that on me again! It took me six months to get another job. [Grabs Beavis] Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!

Beavis

Ahhh! He's trying to touch my wiener! Let go, pervert!

Butt-head

Kick him in the nads, Beavis!

Buzzcut

What in the hell are you doing?! This is my class, I do the ass-kicking around here!

Wait your turn, Jarhead! [slaps him, Buzzcut's face turns red, and becomes furious]

Buzzcut

You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass! I hope you're familiar with some hand to hand combat techniques!

Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [tries to hit him, but Buzzcut brutally kicks him in the head]

Beavis

Kick 'em, kick 'em!

Butt-head

Kick 'em in the butt.

Beavis

Kick 'em in the nads!

Butt-head

Hey let's like, draw more people getting killed. That way we can make a total massacre.

Beavis

Yeah, MASSACRE! MASSACRE!

Beavis

So like, in animation you have to draw tons of dead people just to end up with two dead people?!

Butt-head

Animation sucks!

OK, let's see, who hasn't gone yet? Beavis! Are you ready to inspire us with your report?

Butt-head

[awakens Beavis by slapping him] You're next, dillhole!

Come on, Beavis! Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire the most!

Beavis

Um... oh yeah... OK.

Go ahead! Reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female!

Beavis

Oh yeah! Um, uh... oh yeah. My mom!

Butt-head

You wuss.

Butt-head, I hope your report is a little more wider in scope than Beavis's.

Butt-head

The woman I admire most, is... uh... Beavis's mom.

[to her pregnant friend] Girl, I can't believe you went and got yourself pregnant.

Beavis

You can get yourself pregnant?! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! [takes pregnancy test from woman] Gimme one of those!