Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Grab his schlong!

Butt-head

  I'll trade you for these diapers.  You can poop in them.

Butt-Head

You're not suppose to touch him, Beavis. It's like against the law or something...

Butt-head

Would you like some toilet paper?

Butt-head

Welcome to the future: here is your free porn.

Butt-head

So here's a quarter. Could you like get one of those things, you put in your thing, when you got your thing.

Butt-head

[Handing Beavis's severed finger to the nurse] Hey Beavis. I'm giving her the finger.

Butt-head

Hey Beavis....seize my weiner.

Butt Head

So, uh... Are gonna like use a straitjacket?

Butt-Head

Uhh, the Yiddish are coming! The Yiddish are coming!

Butt-head

  [as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address]  When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick's father brought forth upon me a prostitute.  Huh-huh.  Because some dudes just weren't created equal.  Huh-huh.

Butt-head

  [to Coach Buzzcut]  Once we tried to "found" Beavis's father, but we never did because his mom's a slut.

Butt-Head

[infected with a string of diseases] Being a werewolf hurts my bones...

Butt-head

It's alright to cry; crying takes the sad out of you.

Butt-head

Uh, hey, baby. Would you like to be touched?