Narrator quotes from Arrested Development

Narrator

Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals.

Narrator

Tobias had intended to park the family's only vehicle at the airport parking lot, but was waved onto the tarmac instead, where he found a spot close to his gate.

Narrator

Tobias went to a try-out for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen.

Narrator

Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he couldn't be seen.

Narrator

As a child, Buster had a beloved parakeet. But after landing on his mother's housekeeper's head, it flew away. And into a transformer. When Buster found out, he destroyed the family's kitchen, believing this to be where Rosa lived.

Narrator

Although George Michael had only got to second base, he’d gone in head first, like Pete Rose.

Narrator

It was Arrested Development.

You really think you can break out of my prison?

G.O.B

You won't even know I was here.

Narrator

The warden was intrigued-- Less about the stunt, and more about the prison beatings this brash magician was sure to receive.

Michael

Did I just wake you up? I didn't even know you were home.

Lindsay

No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.

Narrator

Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

Lindsay

Where's Nana?

I sent her on a wonderful cruise. You just missed a wonderful call from her. She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw. She gained ten pounds, there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74. She tried pesto for the first time. Imagine that, 92 years old and she never tried pesto. It was wonderful. Just wonderful.

Narrator

In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.

Michael

Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.

Gob

Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.

Narrator

But he really didn't.

Gob

Yes, I did.

Tobias

I'm afraid that this offer comes off the table at midnight.

Michael

That may be the worst bluff I've ever heard.

Narrator

Even the members of Gobias industries agreed on that one.

Michael

Well, I better get over there before he brings the whole company down.

Lindsay

It's only been three hours. How much damage could he really do?

Narrator

In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.

Narrator

Buster was finding himself right at home.

Buster

Oh, my God! I used to have a shirt just like that.

Narrator

It was Buster's old shirt. Lucille had given it to Lupe.

Buster

And the hand chair! I had one in my room! I wonder where that went.

Narrator

It went right there.

Buster

[touching his hand chair] I'd never thought I'd miss a hand so much.

Michael

My mom is very stressed out, and uh, she needs something that I can't give her, um... maybe a little afternoon delight?

Narrator

Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Delight, a strand famous for slowing behavior.

Oscar

Well, sure, the question is: Which way do I try to get it in her?

Michael

I don't need any details.

Oscar

Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.

Michael

Hey!

Narrator

On the next Arrested Development, Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own recordings to see what Michael was referring to.

Tobias

[on tape] Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

Tobias

Nothing wrong with that.

Tobias

[on tape] I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can.

Tobias

That's out of context...

Tobias

[on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.

Narrator

And he realizes there is something distinct about the way he speaks.

Tobias

Tobias... you blow hard! [chuckles]