Gob quotes from Arrested Development

GOB

Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. [GOB notices children in earshot] ...Or candy!

GOB

Not tricks, Michael, illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money. [GOB notices children in earshot] ...Or cocaine!

GOB

(to Michael) Well, if it isn't the boy who lives under the stairs.

Gob

[to Michael] Tell you what. You may not be good with women, but you are great with other people's women. I'll give you that.

Gob

I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far it's been all chain and no ball.

Gob

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. [thinks for a moment] There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Gob

So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already!

Gob

Pardon me if I don't burst into tears, Michael. At least he promised to take you. [bursts into tears] He just let me blindly enjoy my childhood! [sobbing] I didn't even know there was a cabin... he wasn't taking me to!

Gob

I've got this Christian girlfriend now and she's trying to get me to be a better man and reconnect with my son and I'm trying to get her to renounce God and [bleep] me and I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it.

Gob

[Upon getting shocked seeing a picture of Jesus] For a second, I thought that was a real guy.

Gob

[to a group of migrant workers] Who wants to help me build a wall... [Workers show interest] ...to keep Mexicans out of America? [Workers throw garbage at him] Alright, alright... Who wants to help me build a wall for no reason? It's a different wall!

Gob

It's really just the age we live in, isn't it? Take a pill and forget your problems. Take a pill to go to sleep. Take a pill to forget your problems. Need an erection? Take a pill. Need to forget your problems? Take a pill! Take a pill and your problems are forgotten! Take a pill... What an age we live in! It's great!

GOB

Are those police boats? [house band does a rimshot, as if GOB was joking] No, seriously, I think those are police boats.

George Sr.

That's the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Buster

They have boats?

Gob

I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.

Michael

Do you even want to be in charge?

Gob

No... but I'd like to be asked!

Gob

Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away... but I won't be happy.

Michael

It's personal.