George Bluth Sr. quotes from Arrested Development

George Sr.

[in prison] Gentlemen, we do not wave our genitals at one another to make a point!

George Sr.

I have changed, Michael! I cry at the drop of a hat and I hate the way I look. I actually had one cute hat, and it... [starts sobbing] blew off at this CVS parking lot... and this whole car full of black kids ran over it—for no reason! And they saw it! THEY SAW IT!

GOB

Are those police boats? [house band does a rimshot, as if GOB was joking] No, seriously, I think those are police boats.

George Sr.

That's the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Buster

They have boats?

George Sr.

This is my vacation, Michael.

Michael

You're doing time, Dad.

George Sr.

I'm doing the time... of my life!

George Sr.

[repeatedly] There's always money in the banana stand.

George Sr.

There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand!

Michael

What?

George Sr.

Cash, Michael.

Michael

Why didn't you tell me that?

George Sr.

How much clearer can I say it: "THERE IS ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!"

NO TOUCHING!

George Sr.

NO TOUCHING!

George Sr.

[regarding Buster] Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I -- I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So ... he turned out a little soft, you know... a little doughy... I dunno. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe. Maybe I just ignored the guy. [the camera slow zooms out to show Buster sitting between Michael and George Sr.]

Buster

[After yawning for a long time] Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?

George Sr.

I just haven't had sex in a month.

Michael

You know, you've been here two months.

George Sr.

It's hard to gauge time.

Michael

Yeah, I'll bet.

Barry Zuckerkorn

Are all the guys in here... you know? [referencing gay inmates]

George Sr.

Oh, no, no. No, not all of them.

Barry Zuckerkorn

Yeah. It's never the ones you hope.

George Sr.

Hope?

Barry Zuckerkorn

Think.

George Sr.

What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.

Michael

It's Tuesday.

George Sr.

Shh...

George Sr.

What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty. First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power.

Michael

I do, and I had to -- she's crazy.

George Sr.

Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.

Michael

Knock, knock! Where's the married bachelor?

George Sr

Michael, I thought you weren't coming. I thought he wasn't coming.

Michael

Well, I wasn't going to, but he’s my brother and I'm here to support him. Like all these, uh... hot men and Ira.

George Sr

You’re not going to stay? I mean, this isn't your kind of scene.

Michael

Dad, please, stay out of it, all right? I'm here for G.O.B. Now where are the strippers? You got a little back room going, huh? Huh?

Michael

No, hey, just relax! I'm as fun as anybody! I can handle a back room.

Michael

I'm calling the cops.

George Sr.

Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?

Michael

Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

Michael

I might not be the best witness either. I got a call from Kitty this morning.

Barry Zuckerkorn

Your secretary?

George Sr.

My secretary.

Michael

She says that she's got some evidence and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.

Gob

Oh, that is just great. Now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it."

George Sr.

My back is in knots. I haven't had a massage since prison.

Michael

Hope that was forced.

Gob

Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city, put it outside the window, tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters. [looks at Larry the surrogate] What do you think, Dad? A whole, tiny town.

Another brilliant idea, Einstein.

Gob

Really? You'd like to build it with me?

Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm. It's a stupid idea.