Gob quotes from Arrested Development

Gob

And now you love the Ten Commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord."

Michael

I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

I’m going to Annyong’s soccer award ceremony and...

Annyong. [everyone stares at him]

...and I don’t need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are.

Gob

Yeah, I think that they're going to know that Annyong's not your --

Annyong.

Gob

Would somebody please tell this insufferable child... to... God!

I'm in love with your brother-in-law.

Gob

You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?

No, your sister's husband.

Gob

Michael? [angrily] Michael!

No, that's your sister's brother.

Gob

No, I'm my sister's brother. [happily] You're in love with me -- me!

I'm in love with Tobias.

Gob

My brother-in-law?

I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.

Gob

To be with your brother.

No!

Michael

I might not be the best witness either. I got a call from Kitty this morning.

Barry Zuckerkorn

Your secretary?

George Sr.

My secretary.

Michael

She says that she's got some evidence and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.

Gob

Oh, that is just great. Now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it."

Excuse me, Mrs Fünke.

Oh, this guy again.

Michael

How is he, doctor?

It looks like he's dead.

Oh, my God!

Gob

Oh, little guy. The tears aren't comin'! The tears just aren't comin'!

Michael

Uh, just to be clear: looks like he's dead, or he is dead?

It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint on him or something. But he's going to be fine.

Gob

What is wrong with you?

Maeby

This [bleep]ing doctor!

I'll let you celebrate privately.

Gob

I'm the pathetic one, Buster, not you. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl. In a little dress. Little saddle shoes. Little pigtails.

Buster

Wow, that does sound like a little girl.

Gob

I did the right thing, Michael. If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others?

Michael

There are no others. You fired everyone.

The only thing I ask is, out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.

Gob

That's great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying?

Lindsay

Well Gob doesn't do anything for the family...

Gob

Hey... I'm [bleep]ing Lucille 2!

Lindsay

Oh! I could do something like that...

Gob

The cow is coming after me.

Michael

Your wife? She was super-thin.

Gob

She was? What about her cans? She have big cans?

Michael

You don't remember her at all, do you?

Gob

Hey, it was one night of wild passion!

Michael

And yet you didn't notice her body?

Gob

I like to look in the mirror.

Buster

Hey! I'm finally being treated like a real person. Not some deformed...

Gob

Ah! Hook. I forgot about that there, Elephant Man. We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves.

Gob

Michael, I've been looking for you.

Michael

Looks like you're looking for dragons... In the future.

Gob

Well, gee, I never thought the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.

Buster

She's better looking than the whores you date.

Gob

Don't call my escorts "whores."

Buster

Mom's still got it!

Gob

I DON'T DATE WHORES!

Lindsay

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop.

Michael

It's just Mom and whores.

Gob

Why don't you get Gob to do your dirty work for you? Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere, or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty? Which is it this time, Michael?

Michael

Well, definitely neither of those two things.

Narrator

Gob had hidden his father under a house that had just collapsed.

Gob

[Seeing George Michael and Maeby] Children - you're small. Crawl under there.