Carl quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

What are you doin' ?

Shake

We are advancing the world with technology

Cuz it looks like... dem boys is... that droids in heat..

Frylock

Meatwad back away, that's not something you should be seeing.

Will someone tell me what's going on here?

They makin babies out here.

Shake

We need the intelligence helmets... to give them reason. Frylock, order the intelligence helmets immediately.

Do Standard Delivery.

Shake

Same Day! Same Day! It's gotta be same day!

Frylock

Alright, it's here.

Shake

Alright!

Shut up, let him talk!

Frylock

It has intelligence... but... of a 4 year old.

Craaaaap.

Shake

That's fine... A child knows pain... and a 4 year old would definitely run from this.

Turn it on!

No means no! I'm telling on you!

Aww... I feel like I should call my parents

Shake

Intelligence is a wonderful thing... The control and restraint shown--

Oh boy! A pool! Mommy, I go swimming! [jumps in and gets shocked]

No, leave her! She's too young for you-- GAH!! [jumps in too]

So it's either you definitely should not play with matches, or you definitely should.

It's definitely one or the other.

Which one you think it is, Carl?

Hello lady or gentleman of the house. My name is insert name and I am the one and only Moon Master, savior of..uh.. [looks up to see Shake and Meatwad dressed as moon masters] Oh man. They already talked to you didn't they?! Dammit!

Shake!! Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Sha-

Master Shake

(screams angrily) What?!

(sees Shake glaring at him in front of the Aqua Teen door) Oh, so you just waltz out here and think that you gonna face a true warrior? ..and then, ya know.. sign my sheet and be part of my warrior list..

Master Shake

Oh you better believe I will! After these messages![He goes inside and watches TV. Meatwad calls him again. He comes outside and uses a shotgun and shoots Meatwad's toy sword]

You done messed up the Lunar Sceptor! There is but one in the known galaxy! Well, thank God I bought the three-pack.

Master Shake

Thank God I brought three shells. Come on, whip 'em out.

Well, whip on this. [pulls out an amulet] All right, hang on. Sha na na na na, sha na na na.

Master Shake

What the hell are you doing?

G-Get a job.

Master Shake

"Get a job?" What?

You feelin' like any sorta like, meltin' sensation?

Master Shake

No, but if I do I'm going to totally tell on you and then you'll have to go to jail.

No, no, no! Please, don't tell!

Master Shake

Oohhh, now that you mention it...

No, no, don't, just, I-I won't do it again. I won't do it again. But stand still.. I'm gonna do it again. Sha na na na-

Impossible, the lunar melting amulet is constructed of high tensile moon noodles. No mortal man can destroy it.

Master Shake

Yeah, that's right.

Then you, too, are a moon master!

Master Shake

Now and forever.

Hey Carl, how's it going?

Hey what?

I'm just power walking.

What are you frickin' doing that for? You're just gonna die.

Yeah I know, but I need to drop a couple pounds. My feet's so fat I can't get into my roller skates, and my neckerchief don't fit anymore...look at this...[squeezes neckerchief on]...eeeeeehhh eeeh! [it doesn't fit at all] 'This a stickup!' It don't work. I do this at a bank robbery, I look like a fool.

Master Shake

I don't know why your exercising. It's just sweat that you're gonna have to wash off. Exercising's for dummies and women.

Yeah, you oughta hop on my diet, man. Started it two days ago and I'm already at my target weight.

Which'un?

South Bronx Paradise Diet, baby! Yeeeeah! The twist is you eat MORE than you want, then you supplement that with this special candy bar. And it ain't like them sissy No Crabs diet either.

Frylock

I think that's No Carbs, Carl.

See, but I have crabs. So I don't qualify for that. Have I told you that before?

Frylock

Yeah.

Funny story-

Master Shake

Well, I don't have to watch what I eat OR what I do. Call me Mr. Untouchable!

Frylock

Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.

Master Shake

Well...I have three hearts...cuz I'm from Tattooine. And my mother-

Frylock

No you're not.

Master Shake

Really? Cuz you know I get my physical every year...on Alderaan!!

Frylock

That didn't happen.

Master Shake

[visibly frustrated] Well...I...I am from the Dagoba System!

Frylock

Eww! It's a human liver! [pokes liver] Is this yours, Carl?

Oh, all right. I don't know, who cares? It's dead weight is what that is.

C-c-can I have it?

Frylock

No, Meatwad!

What? I'm about to die of hunger here! I need meat!

Frylock

Carl you in here? Carl? Hello?

Yeah?

Frylock

No...

You know, I can actually hear you, talkin', in your living room. I got some crazy amazing hearing. They don't tell you that in the book.

Frylock

What are you doing?

It's part of the diet, it says if you want to slide around on your stomach, don't fight the urge.

Frylock

You know you're up on the ceiling right?

Oh, oh yeah that, well, I like to be next to this light. Like, real next to it. Why? What are you queer?

Frylock

Eww Carl.

I told you, I can eat anything I want with this frickin' diet. It's great! [Carl unscrews his light fixture on the ceiling] And the kicker? No long term ramifications!

You're...ah...you're frickin Dusty Gazongas! I seen your billboard on the interstate there. You dance out at the Wild Wild Chest.

No, you thinkin of that girl down at Funbag Junction. That's Busty Bazookas.

Master Shake

I think you're talking about Nipple Hut.

You're thinking Crotch Town.

Master Shake

Crotch Town?

Crotch Town?

Yeah, it's near Boob-burg, but Boob-burg....eh, kinda weak.

What IS my name?

You're Dusty Gazongas.

That's my name!!! [giggles]

I can't believe that you let a silly woman get between you and your friendship.

Frylock

'Specially one that doesn't even know who you are.

Master Shake

It's disgusting, isn't it? Breaks my heart that I have to sue his ass back to the stone age.

I'm right here, Shake! You wanna go right now? We'll go right now!

Master Shake

C'mon, fat boy!

Where are ya?

Whoa, whoa, break it up guys, and listen to me. Love's a wonderous thing. But there's more to it than the physical experience, like … like … oh, hell, I dunno, she had some tig-ole-bitties, didn't she?

Frylock

Yeah, she did.

Amen to that.

Hey, make sure my house is completely crushed if you could.

It's okay, they're in love. Hey, where you goin'?

What're you doing? You missed my car! [Destroying his own car] Help me out with this!

Oh ohohohoh, super.

Dear Carl, thank you in advance for feeding my dolls while we out in Panama City scaring up venture capital money for my stand-up comedy tour Meatwad Unplugged: No Buns Allowed. And also… we also gettin' a tan. Now remember Dewey and Vanessa won't eat anything but chicken chow mein noodles, and you know Boxy, he eat anything as long as it's deep fried. They need to be walked twice a day, and be sure pick up their doll droppings; you get a fine from the city. Thanks again. Sorry about the house big guy. Sincerely, Meatwad.

All right. What the fuck does this say?

What?!

Did you find my note?

Oh, was that you, yeah? Thanks for, uh, etchin' it into the side of my house.

Is you mad? You ain't mad are ya?

Yeah, while we're talkin', you wanna tell me what it frickin' says?

What what says.

The note.

What note?

The one on the side of my house!

Oh, that yeah, well, I don't remember.

Of course.

It's, uh, $7.92.

Yeah, here's eight dollars, and, uh, keep it.

All of it? I don't know if the bank will take all this.

Hey, man, the night's young. Knock off for a bit. Let's party!

Oh, no thanks. This is gonna take me all night to count.

Hey, don't be so uptight, man. I got a pool in the back, I got beer on ice and, uh…

I'm callin' your supervisor, asshole!

Shake

I want you to listen to something.

Chirp.

Shake

You hear the "chirp"? Isn't that clear?

Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely fuck your ass up if you don't take three steps back?

It's not, is it? You just look at me. Look at him lookin' at me-

Shake

But you can make and receive cellular calls with this! Give it to him!

Where you at, dog?

Shake

See?

I'm on my land. We're both in America, which used to be a good country, until they started lettin' people like you do whatever you want.

Hey dog, where you at?

Shake

See?

See this!

This line, here? Line of Death. You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist. Um-kay? Have a good day.

[reading from his prize slip] "Tonight you will get your dick ripped off." ...That doesn't sound right, does it? Here, read this.

Frylock

[reading] "Tonight you will get your dick ripped off..."

Is that a prize, or...?

Frylock

I think you might wanna go the manager about this one, Carl.

Master Shake

No, no, no, don't do that! Can't you read? He's the guy who rips it off!