Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 3
“Diet” · Season 3
In this episode: Meatwad (8), Frylock (7), Carl (4), Master Shake (2)
Hey Carl, how's it going?
Hey what?
I'm just power walking.
What are you frickin' doing that for? You're just gonna die.
Yeah I know, but I need to drop a couple pounds. My feet's so fat I can't get into my roller skates, and my neckerchief don't fit anymore...look at this...[squeezes neckerchief on]...eeeeeehhh eeeh! [it doesn't fit at all] 'This a stickup!' It don't work. I do this at a bank robbery, I look like a fool.
All right, the running man.
Oh no no no, I power walk.
So, how far'd you run, Meatwad?
I powerwalked down to that pile o' gummy bears and back. I should probably set the pile out further … or closer, so I can get at 'em.
Maybe you shouldn't eat the gummy bears once you —
Well, that's the half-way point! Shit, you don't put the gummy bears out, then there ain't no reason to run! Or powerwalk which is what I did.
I don't know why your exercising. It's just sweat that you're gonna have to wash off. Exercising's for dummies and women.
Yeah, you oughta hop on my diet, man. Started it two days ago and I'm already at my target weight.
Which'un?
South Bronx Paradise Diet, baby! Yeeeeah! The twist is you eat MORE than you want, then you supplement that with this special candy bar. And it ain't like them sissy No Crabs diet either.
I think that's No Carbs, Carl.
See, but I have crabs. So I don't qualify for that. Have I told you that before?
Yeah.
Funny story-
Well, I don't have to watch what I eat OR what I do. Call me Mr. Untouchable!
Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.
Well...I have three hearts...cuz I'm from Tattooine. And my mother-
No you're not.
Really? Cuz you know I get my physical every year...on Alderaan!!
That didn't happen.
[visibly frustrated] Well...I...I am from the Dagoba System!
[Meatwad struggles to lift weight as though he has done several reps and Frylock finally lifts it up for him.]
Uhh. One.
[Meatwad drops the weight.]
Mmmmm. This here's a good steak. A little chewy, but it will do.
Well, because the steak is a … cat toy.
[Meatwad spits out the steak.]
But, I don't know why a cat would play with a steak, but, I just put it in there to get you excited about your real dinner: this, uh, celery stalk right here. Mmmm!
Well, it ain't workin'. Now, if you expect me to eat this, you gonna have to supply me with some wing sauce.
How about a twist of lemon?
How about a twist of I gouge your motherfuckin' eyes out? Get me the goddamn wing sauce!
Hey, can I have just one funnel cake … [softly] eating contest?
Well, fuck me runnin'.
Eww! It's a human liver! [pokes liver] Is this yours, Carl?
Oh, all right. I don't know, who cares? It's dead weight is what that is.
C-c-can I have it?
No, Meatwad!
What? I'm about to die of hunger here! I need meat!
Beep beep beep beep doo doo beep... Oh R2!(chuckles)
Carl you in here? Carl? Hello?
Yeah?
No...
You know, I can actually hear you, talkin', in your living room. I got some crazy amazing hearing. They don't tell you that in the book.
What are you doing?
It's part of the diet, it says if you want to slide around on your stomach, don't fight the urge.
You know you're up on the ceiling right?
Oh, oh yeah that, well, I like to be next to this light. Like, real next to it. Why? What are you queer?
Eww Carl.
I told you, I can eat anything I want with this frickin' diet. It's great! [Carl unscrews his light fixture on the ceiling] And the kicker? No long term ramifications!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
