Carl quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Shake

[to Carl] Hey Carlina! Wow.

Oh yeah I get it. You knock me out, dress me like a woman and then take pictures of me. Laughs on me huh?

Frylock

Well you see Carl heh.. uh.. you're not just dressed like a woman.

Oh do go on please.

Frylock

Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it.

[Carl's crotch begins to bleed] So the giant blood stain is uh... is that me having my period I guess? He he.

Frylock

Could be. Or it could be just the spot where I snipped your dick off.

You're taking this pretty good, Carl. Kudos.

You think, uh, maybe I could, uh, get my dick back? Oh, wait, you know what, maybe you should keep my dick...so you could, uh, hump yourself!

Master Shake

Technically, that would not be, uh, doing yourself, just for the record.

Master Shake

Have you seen what they're doin' back there?

What are you talkin' about? Back where?

Master Shake

… I'm tellin'.

Tellin' on who? Or what?

Master Shake

Meatwad and Frylock. They told me not to tell anyone, but I'm tellin' you.

It ain't workin'.

Frylock

Oh, let's see.

I'm gonna break it.

Frylock

Oh, you're supposed to add DNA.

What's a DNA?

It stands for: Do Not, uh.... enter my pool... Ass man."

Master Shake

See, see what they're doing? I don't know he even knows!

Frylock

Carl, do me a favor and spit in that pool.

Oh, you mean my pool?

Oh, is this your pool?

Yeah, it is.

Can I go swimming?

No, you may not!

Master Shake

How about if I swim in it?

No!

Well, do you mind if we make a dog in it?

Yeah, I do mind. Very much, if that's cool.

Master Shake

Yeah, he does mind!

Frylock

You haven't been using it!

That's not the point.

Master Shake

He's going to very soon!

Just because I haven't been using it doesn't mean like..... here, turn it into a dog laboratory!

What the hell? No, no, no, no. Bad boy, bad boy, you live over there. Go-go back to the freaks.

(music suddenly becomes intense) Who're you callin' boy? My name's Hand Banana.

What, you-you talkin' to me here?

No, not anymore. [slams front door shut] We're done talkin'.

Hang on, let me bend over and pick this thing up here. [As he bends down to pick up his remote control, Hand Banana anally rapes Carl] Hand Banana, no!

There's a Hand Banana. Good boy.

Oh, he's not a boy anymore... he's a man. 'Cause he just raped me!

Do you think you could back that up?

Listen to this guy, "can back that up"... I got bruises to prove it!

No, no. I mean that ass. Back it up... yeah.

Do you hear what he's saying here?!

Sound like someone wants to get raped again!

I'm sorry Carl, but I think that you need to leave. You upsettin' Hand Banana.

Heh heh, yeah, well, you know, he "upset" me pretty bad too. I don't know if I can sleep anymore. You ever been raped by a dog?

Uh uh.

See, I think that's what Hell is like, you know. Constantly raped by dogs.

Frylock

Carl—

That, you know, I don't know if I believe in God, but.. I think he must hate me.

Frylock

Carl—

Because he allowed you to create a dog that constantly rapes me.

Oh man, that is a load of my mind … knowin' that rapist is gone. Man, feel good out here, just might uh, get nude. [Drops his pants] Shine some sun, where 'da sun don't shine, you know what I mean? Hehehe, long past the point of caring on this.[sits naked face-down on lawn-chair]

[enters Carl's backyard] (music suddenly becomes intense) You, uh, basting that turkey today?

Huh, what's that?

Think its time to take your temperature... see if the meat's just right... [Handbanana leaps onto Carl's butt and starts to brutally anal rape Carl]

[screaming] NO!! NOOOO!!!!!

See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. 'Oh, yeah. Rape's so funny.' Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like, Hand Banana.

Hey, let's think about this.

Oh, we're done thinking. 'Cause, see, every time I think, you're there... haunting my dreams!

Come on, now. I'll be good.

No, see, I don't think that you can, but I'll show you how to be good! Hand Banana, I want you to meet … the Enforcer.

I want my name to be "Spaghetti".

All right, Spaghetti. Whatever, I don't care. Just, you know, just do what I tell ya.

What the hell are you lookin' at?

I'm your father, I just made you.

[laughing] I got your father right here! Heheheh, I got your daddy!

All right, enough talkin' with the dogs, here.

NO NO PLEASE! SPAGHETTI!! NO NO PLEASE, SPAGHETTI!!

Master Shake

Wow. You don't see that every day.

[Jumps out from offside and begins singing 'Party Party Party']

Master Shake

All right!! Andrew W.K, live in our living room!!

Oh God. He looks like he's dead already.

Frylock

[through the door] Thanks, Carl. 'Preciate that.

Master Shake

I think the problem was the song. You got any other, uh, you know, uh, happier...songs about partyin'?

Master Shake

Hey! Let's party! P-p-p-party tonight!

Frylock

Will you all get the funk out of here? [coughs] Look, my doctor says I need to get as much rest as possible so please...

Shake

Yeah! Get the funk outta here! [Frylock looks at shake annoyed.] And I am now leaving as well. [Walks out and closes door.]

Hey Fryman. I got this post-it-note that was left on the curb for me. "Thanks for car. M.S."

Frylock

Oh man.

Yeah.

Frylock

Ah I'm sure it'll be back.

Ya think? That'd be so thoughtful.

Don't worry about this rip. I just uh accidentally ripped it pulling it out of the box.

Frylock

Are the "Gnats" a team?

Nah. "Gnats"? What da freak- it's supposed to be the Giants! I friggin' told them immigrants! No wonder, they cut me a deal. What a deal! They probably don't even have giants in their country; they're so freakin' tiny. Look at this crap. Half of them dissolved in the box.

Frylock

Well, you know what they say "you get what you pay for."

I tell ya what: how 'bout I take 20% off.

Frylock

How 'bout no.

Aw c'mon man, I seen you flyin' around so fast. People won't even notice, right? High-five football fan.

Frylock

I really don't like sports Carl.

… Oh yeah? Well, you're a fag!

[Bart holds up one of Carl's jerseys] The "Gnats"?? What is this Carl?

Oh, that? It's just, uh, it's a tribute! To your majesty.

Carl, by doing this you're taking food out of NFL player's mouths!

I'm sorry, Bart … but, dude! I followed your whole Pro Bowl season back in '90. You had a sack prevented index, it's like 0.9! It's ridiculous! Your blocking ratio is like 4-to-1. You were playing out of your mind that season! [in a disgusted tone] And then 1994, you frickin' signed with the 'Niners. [sadly] You broke my frickin' heart, Bart. [angrily] You pancaked it!

I was there when you destroyed my poster, and you said, "I hope he gets injured."

Enjoy San Francisco, pansy! [Carl rips his Bart Oates poster in half] [angrily] I hope you tear your ACL, jackass!!

I said that?

Three years later, I had knee surgery, and I had to retire, Carl.

So, I, I made you, like, have knee surgery by saying that?

In a way, yes, you did.

That's awesome. [pause] I mean, I'm sorry in retrospect, but that's so awesome I was able to do that! I hate the 'Niners!

Frylock

Hey Carl. What's up?

Oh crap. Hide.

Frylock

Hide? From what?

From uh …

Just play it off as a joke.

...From uh, you know … black people've been runnin' around here.

… That's not really a joke Carl.

Oh c'mon man, I'm tryin'.

Frylock

OK, Carl, I felt really bad about your car, so I brought you some fresh parsley and oregano from my herb garden.

Oh, great. Weeds. This will help me get to the strip club.

Where's my frickin' car?!?

Frylock

Well, it's kinda been impounded.

What?!? [Carl grabs Frylock and starts drowning him in his pool] You tell me right now, Fry Man, where my frickin' car is, or I'm going to rip that paper box head of yours in half!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy Carl. You don't want a penalty for roughing the neighbor. I mean, that's fifteen yards and that hurts the team.

Frylock

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, Carl!

It's okay, I'm not mad. OK? [angrily, but showing restraint] So, uh, where's my f-ing car, please, sir?!