Now, in a receiving line, if I introduced her to you, what would be ze proper greeting?
YWYakko and Wakko
Hello, Nurse!
No, no, a proper greeting like zis. [bows and shake hands] "How do you do?" Now, you try.
[bows and shake hands] How do you do...that thing with your mouth? [lands in Hello Nurse's arms, then kisses her] Take me away, but be gentle. I'm fragile. [fractures into many tiny pieces]
[as Dot puts Yakko back together] No, no, it is impolite to be that personal. [to Wakko] Wakko?
WakkoI disagree.
No, I want you to greet ze lady.
Wakko
[literally zooms around to Hello Nurse at lightning speed, with a lightning bolt trailing behind him, kissing her] Hello, Nurse!
No, no, no, "How do you do?".
Wakko
Oh, fine, thanks. [shakes Dr. Scratchensniff's hand]
Rgh! [to Dot] Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtzy.
Thanks, but I did before I left home.
No, a curtzy, make a little curtzy!
YWYakko and Wakko
[laughing] Make a little curtzy, a curtzy! [do a curtzy] A little curtzy! [do a curtzy, they laugh more]
Stop it! Stop zat! I am not here to amuse you!
Then, please, stop being so funny!
[Wakko laughs]
[facepalms] Now, Dot, please give it a try.
How do you do? [does a curtzy, then midway, collapses onto the floor] Tee-hee, curtsy laugh.
Ooh! [double facepalms on the couch] Nngnhuh! Let's move on.
YWYakko and Wakko
And lift!
[pushing a fridge with a lift] Comin' through!
Uh, where do you want the couch, Mac?
Now, we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution?
Stay inside during a thunder storm.
[Wakko does a rim shot]
No, no, elocution, diction, pronunciation! We will work on our vowel sounds! Let's pronounce zis! A-e-i-o-u.
[trying to pronounce the as one word] "Aeiou"...
No, no. I want ze letters, the letters!
[dressed as mail men, throwing actual letters out of mail bags] Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff.
Hey! Doctor Otto Scratchansniff! You may have won 10 million dollars!
Are you married? [kisses Dr. Scratchansniff 6 times. The lip imprints stay]
With a temper like that, it's no wonder.
Stop! Haltenzie! For-ge-No! In your seats! [the lip imprints disappear] If you want to go to the party, you must stop with the gags!
[The Warner Siblings all wear physical restraints. Wakko has a lock, and Yakko and Dot have blindfolds over their mouths]
[in unison with Dot, taking the blindfolds off] Oh, alright.
[The Warner Siblings all jump off a high diving board into a small tub of water]
Wakko
Cannonball!
[The Warner Siblings splash him and the screen]
[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]
SLSpike Lee
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?
[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]
BABea Arthur
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.
DDDanny DeVito
[gags] Not while I'm eating!
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.
[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]
No dinner with Mel Gibson?
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?
Wakko
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.
[Michelle Pfieffer who is dressed as Catwoman is drinking milk from a saucer. She is licking her left arm]
YWYakko and Wakko
[popping up out of the saucer] Hello Kitty!
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Who are you?
YWYakko and Wakko
[jumping out of the saucer] We're The Warner Brothers.
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Like the studio?
Not much, but we don't have a choice.
Wakko
Did you know there's a Thing in your milk?
[The Thing hops out of the saucer. The Thing walks away]
[offscreen] There they are, Scratchansniff!
[Wakko runs off]
Save a spot for me on your dance card. [runs off]
[Thaddeus Plotz and Dr. Scratchansniff chase after Yakko and Wakko]
[after hanging up on the Warners] Oh my. What have I done? Where's my aspirin? [opens his cabinet drawer]
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot appear out of the drawer]
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot kiss Mr. Plotz, and start cleaning and organizing his office]
Wakko
I thought you needed us to be your secretaries.
Never! [Wakko swallows Plotz's WB shield-shaped paperweight] And give me back my paperweight!
Wakko
Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.
[blows a kiss, to the audience] Goodnight, everybody!
Ferman Flaxseed is pouring a bag of marshmallows into a barrel. Yakko, disguised as a mail man, comes in with a telegram for him]
Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! [hands him the envelope] How about a tip?
FFFerman Flaxseed
Don't eat lead!
Wakko
[as he and Dot appear out of envelope] Didja miss us?
Give us a kiss, kid! [kisses him on the nose. They run as he gives chase]
Wakko
Look! Malted milk balls! [pours the malted milkballs out of the jar and into his mouth. He becomes a machine gun as Ferman Flaxseed advances towards them. He spits them out with Dot winding his tail, shooting at Ferman Flaxseed. Ferman Flaxseed deflects the malted milkballs, which go into Yakko's mouth, using the silver platter as a shield. Wakko runs out of malted milkballs] I'm out!
FFFerman Flaxseed
[angrily grabs Wakko and Dot and holds them up] Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children!
[offscreen] Stop right there! [as her shadow overlooms Ferman Flaxseed] You put those children down, you beast!
[Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July stands at the doorway with a ruler, very angrily; Yakko smiles]
FFFerman Flaxseed
But, you-don't understand! They were-
WDWakko and Dot
[pretending to cry] WAH!
Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!
[She and the nuns march in angrily, with yard sticks in their hands. Camera trucks-in on Ferman Flaxseed's terrified face]
FFFerman Flaxseed
Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence!
He's right. Let us pray. [she and the nuns pray mumblingly. Outside Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy, a Notre Lame bus pulls up. Cheerleaders and The Notre Lame Marching Band come out of the bus as The Notre Lame Football Team comes to beat up Ferman Flaxseed] Our prayers have been answered! [blows the whistle]
[The Notre Lame Football Team marches down an aisle of Cheerleaders and beat up Ferman Flaxseed]
WWarnerss
[cheerleading] Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, Fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah!
Go, Flaxseed! [violence stops] Just kidding!
[Violence continues. The Warners eat popcorn as they watch the violence. The Notre Lame Football Team stops beating up Ferman Flaxseed, and leaves. So do Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July and the nuns. Ferman Flaxseed is beaten up and weak from the fight]
You should go hit the shower!
[They throw him into the quick drying chocolate. He gets covered in chocolate]
Wakko
Make sure to wash behind your ears!
[They dunk him in quick drying chocolate. He becomes a chocolate bunny]
[Open on The Himilayas. Triumphant music plays in the background]
The Himalayas. The largest mountains on the face of the Earth. [Fade to an "Up this way" sign, outside Mt. Gesundheit] And here, high atop Mt. Gesundheit, lives the wisest creature in the world. The great Wally Llama, knower of all that is knowable. People from all over the globe seek his advice, for there is no question he does not have an answer to.
WLWally Llama
So, you see, Miss MacLaine, there is no way you could have been Kaye Ballard in another life. She is a Winter, and you are definitely an Autumn.
SMShirley MacLaine
It's true! There is no question you don't know the answer to. Oh, thank you, Wally Llama. [kissing Wally Llama on the lips] Mmm . [skips away]
WLWally Llama
Huh, boy, what a dumb question. Phew! [goes back inside his temple. He puts a "Closed" sign on his door] All day long questions, questions. I'm sick of questions! I will answer no more questions today. [goes into his meditation room. He sits down on his cushion, pulling on a rope. A T.V. set pops up. He watches a Western, sighing]
[Outside the temple, The Warner Siblings are walking up the stairs to The Temple of Wally Llama. They sit down on a step, tired, exhausted, panting]
Phew. That's worse than sweating to the oldies.
True, no Richard Simmons.
[Dot pants. Wakko Eats snow, then turns to see The Temple of Wally Llama]
Wakko
Hey, there it is! The temple of Wally Llama!
[The Warner Siblings run up to the doors. Yakko rings the doorbell]
Wow. Just think, siblings, soon we'll know the answer to the most important question in the whole wide world.
[Wakko Eats more snow. Yakko rings the doorbell]
WLWally Llama
Go away! [all Warner Siblings sniff themselves and shrug. Yakko rings the doorbell again] I said, "Go away"! I am missing Baywatch.
Wakko
But we have a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very- [Yakko jabs him with his elbow] important question to ask you.
WLWally Llama
I'm sick of questions! Everybody always wants to ask me a question. [mockingly] "Oh, Wally Llama, I have a question". "Oh, Wally Llama, why is this?" "Why is that?" [angrily] No! I am not answering anymore questions today!
WLWally Llama
That's a question! And I'm not answering it. So there! [slams door]
[Yakko rings doorbell]
[The Warner Siblings put on a slide show]
Oh, great Llama, we have journeyed 8,000 miles through rain, sleet, and snow.
Wakko
I got sick in Phoenix.
We humbly request that you answer our one, tiny, ever-so-important question.
WLWally Llama
Well... [angrily shouting, blowing Dot away] NO! [slams door]
["Let the Anvils Ring" plays]
Let us introduce ourselves, o people of this land.
Wakko
We are the Warner brothers...
With sister close at hand.
I bet you all are wondering who is this young unknown? And why am I inheriting the Anvilanian throne?
CCrowd
Oh, please, please tell us why.
The bottom of the family tree.
Starts with Yakko; that is me.
I'm the cousin to the sister of son's niece's brother,
Of the uncle's daughter's father, of the nephew's sister's mother,
And my grandpa's only cousin was the King's daughter's sibling,
But they're all gone.
CCrowd
He is now our king!
Yes, I am now your king! Repeat what I just said!
CCrowd
Repeat what I just said! He is now our king!
[Anvil instrumental break with Anvil Chorus]
[to the tune of Old McDonald] Old King Yakko's mania [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"] Was for Anvilania! [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"]
So good citizens, I pledge to you, I'll do the best that I can do. For honor, country and the king...Let the anvils ring!
CCrowd
Let the anvils ring!
CChorus
Let the anvils ring!
I'm balled over. That was good. You kids got it. You got that special zingy thing. That thing that only comes from here. [points at Yakko's chest]
That's just a spaghetti stain.
See, that's funny. You're wack-o!
No. [grabs Wakko] This is Wakko.
No, I'm Yakko. And, that's Dot.
[painting "The Scream"] Have we met before?
[crazy voice] Oh! I love these kids! They are so funny! Sweet kids who look like puppies! Flamiel! [normal voice] Where're you kids going?
You kids are gonna be in my movie.
Wakko
The people watching on TV.
Peoples? What peoples? [crazy voice] Hello, nice people in the TV! [normal voice] Hey! I don't see any...where'd they go? Ah, there you are! [crazy voice] Nice kids, we're with the movie gonna do a thing!
[The Warners scream and try to run out the door]
[shuts the door] Okay, Mr. Penzoil Head, you talked us into it. We'll do your movie.
[crazy voice] Oh. You'll do! The mov...! You'll do the! Happy! I am! So much! Oil!
[to audience] Be afraid. Be very afraid.
[The cartoon begins]
[voiceover] Previously on warner law,
[Dr. Scratchansniff comes out of the store, carrying the therapy couch on his back. He walks up to his car, but notices the parking ticket on his window wiper]
[shocked] Oh, no. [snatches the ticket] A parking ticket?! But vhy?! I put money in ze meter!
[Cut to Yakko, reading the ticket]
If you're innocent, then you've got to fight this ticket!
Wakko
We'll even help ya!
Ha ha! You? My lawyers? Oh, no no no no no. You kids is crazy. I'm going to pay ze ticket, [grabs the ticket from Yakko] boom, and zat is zat. [walks to the door] Und don't come anywhere near me! [slams door]
[Yakko looks at his silblings with a smirk on his face, and they spin around to wear lawyer suits]
Come, siblings. We have a trial to prepare!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
