Thaddeus Plotz quotes from Animaniacs

Uh, some party, huh?

[nervously] Heh heh.

[narrating] After the Varner Brothers escaped, I was called to see the chairman of the board of the Varner Brothers studio.

[smiles, then shouting] THE WARNER BROTHERS ARE WREAKING HAVOC THROUGHOUT THE STUDIO, SCRATCHANSNIFF! AND I WON'T HAVE IT! [walking on the table up to a nervous Dr. Scratchansniff] In order for a studio to run efficiently, there must be order, calmness, control. The Warner Brothers have taken the calmness and replaced it with chaos! They're too zany, Scratchansniff! I haven't been this upset since we made Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. And I have chosen you to get the Warner Brothers under control.

Vhy me?

Because you're a psychiatrist, dummy.

Oh...

[first lines; to two other unknown men] He's a chicken, I tell ya. A giant chicken!

Dr. Scratchansniff, do you know what keeps this studio running?

Err, your brilliant leadership, T.P.?

I mean besides that. What keeps this place going?

Mmm...Mel Gibson movies?

YES! That's it, sniff. And how do we pay for those movies? With money! money. And we need more. With that in mind, I've invited some powerful foreign investors to come here tomorrow. They'll prepare to give us... [babbling and drooling in excitement] 1 billion of it. Billion of it. 1 billion. 1 billion dollars! Do you know what that means?

Ja, that's a one with lots und lots of zeros after it.

No! It means tomorrow is the most important day in the studio's history! I'm throwing a gala banquet on sound stage 10. Now, every star in Hollywood will be there. Investors will get the royal treatment, and we'll get the check, IF, it goes smoothly. There's just one catch. Before they invest, they wanna meet every one who works here. Including you.

Ooh, that's nice. I like to party.

And including, the Warner Brothers.

Hi, T.P.!

Dot

And the Warner Sister.

No, T.P.! Don't let the investors meet The Warners! They're out of control! They're koo-koo! They're-

Your responsibility. You're the studio psychiatrist. You have 24 hours, Scratchensniff, to teach them some manners. I can't have those-those-What are they?

I don't know.

Well, I can't have them ruining this banquet! Understand?!

Alright, I'll try.

Trying is not good enough, Scratchensniff. [shouting loudly, blowing Dr. Scratchensniff away] DO IT!!!

[bouncing out of the building] Uh! Eh! Pleugh! [falls down, and rests his elbow on the concrete, irate] Rggrgh!

[nervously] Please, tell our honored new investors this party is our way of saying welcome, and, heh heh heh, [in a Western accent] you're A-O.K., partner. Ha ha ha ha.

[to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Yoko so, soshite anat wa A-O.K., partner. ("Welcome, And you're A-O.K., partner.")

[still nervous] Heh heh heh.

Ahem. Dr. Scratchensniff is arriving with The Warner Brothers.

[praying] Please, let those kids behave. I want my money. I want my money.

Uh... [points to Dr. Scratchensniff and the Warner Siblings]

Mr. Chairman, may I present, the Warner Brothers!

Dot

Addendum-the Warner Sister.

[bowing] How do you do?

[in a Japanese accent] Gokigen ikaga desuka? ("How are you?")

[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Tokyo wa totemo omoshiroi tokuro desu ne. ("Tokyo is an extremely interesting place, isn't it?")

Mr. Kato

[to Yakko, in a Japanese accent] Zehi irashite kudesai. ("Please, go there.")

[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Mada iki basho ga areba ne. ("If there's still a place to go, eh?")

[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?

I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.

[gags] Not while I'm eating!

Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.

[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.

I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!

[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?

[confused] Huh?

[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.

Hey, what are you doing?

Dot

Yeah!

Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.

But we behaved!

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]

Dot

No dinner with Mel Gibson?

No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?

Wakko

No chit-chat with Don Knotts?

[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.

Mr. Kato

[delightfully sees the Warners in a Japanese accent] Asoko ni Warner Brothers ga iru. ("There is The Warner Brothers there.")

[spits the drink in shock] The Warners?! Where's Scratchensniff?!

[talking to Michael Keaton, who is dressed as Batman] I don't want to drive ze Batmobile. I just want to sit in it.

[grabs Scratchy] I told you to send those kids home!

B-But I did!

Well, they're back! You'd better help me catch them! They'll ruin everything!

Ohh!

[popping up out of the saucer] Hello Kitty!

Who are you?

[jumping out of the saucer] We're The Warner Brothers.

Like the studio?

Not much, but we don't have a choice.

Wakko

Did you know there's a Thing in your milk?

[offscreen] There they are, Scratchansniff!

Save a spot for me on your dance card. [runs off]

Ruin my studio, will you?! You-You-You whatever you ares!

[tapping on his shoulder] Mr. Kato would like to know who is responsible for all of this.

It was them! I had nothing to do with it. They're responsible!

[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Warner Brothers no sekinin desu. ("This is the responsibility of The Warner Brothers.")

[to Yakko, in Japanese accents in unison] Great party! Great party! Great party! Great party! Ha ha ha ha!

Great party? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Uh, Great party![laughs. The Japanese investors glare at him; sighs weakly]

Mr. Kato

[to Yakko] We love The Warner Brothers! [giving The Warner Siblings the 1 billion dollar check] And here you go.

Mr. Kato presents the check for 1 billion dollars.

Mr. Kato

[to Yakko] You are A-O.K., partner!

[walks up to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor] C'mon, you guys. We're going to play Truth or Dare. [takes them away arm and arm]

[to Dr. Scratchansniff] Well, Doc, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this.

Yeah? What's that?

I have no idea, but apparently it's worth a billion dollars.

[last lines; in anger] That's my check! Give me that! [starts chasing after The Warner Siblings, speeding] Give me that! That's mine! Come back here with my money! That's my check!

[after hanging up on the Warners] Oh my. What have I done? Where's my aspirin? [opens his cabinet drawer]

Reporting for work, sir!

Get back in your tower!

Wakko

I thought you needed us to be your secretaries.

Never! [Wakko swallows Plotz's WB shield-shaped paperweight] And give me back my paperweight!

Wakko

Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.

[blows a kiss, to the audience] Goodnight, everybody!

Ew!

I want you to take a letter.

Wakko

Where do you want me to take it?

No, no. I mean I want you to write a letter.

Wakko

Okay. [takes out a notepad and a pencil] Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny brass anvil.

No! No! No! No! Write a letter for me! For me!

Wakko

Well, I don't know what you want for Christmas.

STOP!!!!

Time out!

When will this insanity end?!

Dot

When one of us answers the phone, silly.

I did not know that.

Time in!

[serious voice over] We were each chosen for our unique abilities. That's Dot. Her specialty: Cuteness. [Dot blows kisses] That's Wakko. His specialty: The mallet. [whacks some nuts with the mallet, and eats them all] That's me. My specialty: Two paddle-balls at once!

[referring to a map] Now you have to get from this office here to soundstage 64 here, and stop that director. Any questions?

[raising their hands] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Dot

Would I look cute as a blonde?

Wakko

Why do cats purr?

Who's chubbier, Perry Mason or Scotty on "Star Trek"?

A clown is my friend.

A clown vill not bite me und throw me in the basement.

A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement.

A clown is not a big shpider.

A clown is not a big spider.

Plotz was furious about that cartoon. The moment he saw it, he cancelled their contract. Their agent was livid. You could hear them arguing all over the studio.

[offscreen] That's it! The Warners are through! [as the camera trucks in on The Warner Bros. Studio Administrations Office, Chicken Boo, disguised as Irving "Swifty" LaBoo, is clucking angrily. Cut to Plotz's office. Chicken Boo is clucking angrily] Don't you take that tone with me, LaBoo! [angrily standing on his desk] The Warners are finished! They'll never make another cartoon in this studio as long as I live! What do you think about that?!