[After "The Studio Shrink Song"]
Stop zat! Stop! Do you know why you're here?
No one really knows why, Doc, although Schopenhauer put forth an interesting theory-
[standing next to Miss Interpreting] No, this is Miss Interpreting.
[standing next to Miss Understanding] This is Miss Understanding.
[laying on a pillow] And I'm Miss-terious.
[playing with a golden bust of Sigmund Freud] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser! Want one?
Stop playing with my bust!
[Awkward pause]
[blows the audience a kiss] Goodnight, everybody!
Be quiet, please! I have something to tell you!
Get right to the scary part.
The part with my pet. [opens the tiny white box. Dot's pet appears as giant crab with eyeball replacing its head]
[startled] Eagh! Ya, yeah your pet, okay. Good pet. Heh heh heh. Now, listen. The studio is getting a big fancy party for some new investors, with movie stars und everything, und, uh, you have been invited.
WSWarner Siblings
Movie stars?!
Please! There's also some bad news.
Bea Arthur is putting out a swimsuit calendar?
She is? Of course, not. No. The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.
[wearing a party hat and holding a pony by the reins in front of balloons] I thought you said it was a party!
Now, we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution?
Stay inside during a thunder storm.
[Wakko does a rim shot]
No, no, elocution, diction, pronunciation! We will work on our vowel sounds! Let's pronounce zis! A-e-i-o-u.
[trying to pronounce the as one word] "Aeiou"...
No, no. I want ze letters, the letters!
[dressed as mail men, throwing actual letters out of mail bags] Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff.
Hey! Doctor Otto Scratchansniff! You may have won 10 million dollars!
Are you married? [kisses Dr. Scratchansniff 6 times. The lip imprints stay]
With a temper like that, it's no wonder.
Stop! Haltenzie! For-ge-No! In your seats! [the lip imprints disappear] If you want to go to the party, you must stop with the gags!
[The Warner Siblings all wear physical restraints. Wakko has a lock, and Yakko and Dot have blindfolds over their mouths]
[in unison with Dot, taking the blindfolds off] Oh, alright.
[The Warner Siblings all jump off a high diving board into a small tub of water]
[The Warner Siblings splash him and the screen]
[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]
SLSpike Lee
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?
[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]
BABea Arthur
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.
DDDanny DeVito
[gags] Not while I'm eating!
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.
[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?
WSWarner Siblings
[confused] Huh?
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]
No dinner with Mel Gibson?
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.
[Cartoon opens up with a high-angle shot of the clouds, which move to reveal The Pequod as "Blow the Man Down" plays in the background. Cut to a shot of The Pequod. Cut to the deck. Ishmael is wiping the deck]
[popping out of a barrel] So this is The Love Boat. [he and his siblings pull out lounge chairs and sunbathe; to Ishmael] You must be Doc.
IIshmael
Call me Ishmael.
Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?
[The Warners walk off as Ishmael shrugs to the camera]
[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?
QQueequeg
No, I Queequeg.
[The Warner Siblings sniff him]
Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.
[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look! They've got miniature golf onboard!
[The Warner Siblings hit the golf balls]
[The golf balls bounce all over The Pequod until they hit Captain Ahab's door]
[emerges] Who dares disturb my brooding? [grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?
SStarbuck
Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.
Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?
Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?
What? Yes. Go away. [as the Warners run up to the helm] We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until - huh? [the Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry?! [sees Yakko steering the wheel at the helm, and runs up to him] Give me that wheel at once!
You're the captain. [spins the wheel and gives it to Captain Ahab, who spins around]
Whoa! [then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!
We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.
And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?
You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.
Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale!
WSThe Warner Siblings
[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!
Stop your tomfoolery! Find me that whale!
[plays the trumpet; as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.
So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.
[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.
Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.
Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.
[After the "Captain, You're a Dummy" Song]
[Moby Dick swims toward The Pequod, leaping over it]
Get Moby Dick. All hands stand to. Man the longboat!
Or woman the short boat. That way, everybody's covered.
[Captain Ahab and The Warner Siblings jump into a row boat]
WSThe Warner Siblings
You have a cute beard.
WSThe Warner Siblings
you have a wonderful voice.
WSThe Warner Siblings
Have you ever considered a career in radio? [they row]
Vengeance is mine at last. [splits the row boat in half, using the spear] Begone!
WSThe Warner Siblings
[sing-song voices] Oh, Captain Ahab, don't look behind you.
[turns to see Moby Dick behind him; nearly losing his balance on the front end of the row boat] Whoa - w-w-whoa. So long, Moby Dick! [throws the spear at Moby Dick]
[Moby dick catches it, uses it as a toothpick, then kicks the spear away, using his tail. Captain Ahab is now nervous]
Hey, Captain Ahab! Tell Moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil!
[Moby Dick glares angrily at Captain Ahab]
[chuckling nervously] Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious- [swimming away for his life, scared out of his wits] Aah!
[Moby Dick chases after Captain Ahab, then eats him. Captain Ahab screams. Inside Moby Dick's mouth, Captain Ahab lights a match, then a lantern, and sits down on a broken mast]
PPinocchio
Say, nice leg.
[Captain Ahab is puzzled
[offscreen] Get me out of here!
[Moby Dick is swimming away]
Don't play around Moby's blowhole! [to his siblings] Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.
[to the viewers] That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.
Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us?! [sobs] Any ship will do!
[The RMS Titanic, The SS Edmund Fitzgerald, and The S.S. Minnow pull up on all sides]
SSkipper
[offscreen] Hey, little buddies.
We shoulda been more specific.
[First lines; cartoon opens up outside Slappy's tree. Fade to inside. Skippy walks down stairs]
Hi, Aunt Slappy. What's for breakfast?
A brand new cereal from Smellogs, Branimaniacs. [shows him the cereal]
You don't...but just look at what's inside! [pouring the cereal into the bowl, in slow motion] Branimaniacs is chock-filled with tasty bran, crunchy fiber, natural roughage and...tiny sugar cubes shaped like my head. [sets it onto the table, with a carton of milk, a plate of bacon, eggs, and half of a lemon] It's an important part of this balanced breakfast. So dig in, Skippy. [pours milk on both of their Branimaniacs]
You bet! [eats the cereal]
And remember to start your day with Branimaniacs for that get up and go feeling.
[Both eat the cereal, gulp, and, suddenly, their stomachs rumble. Then they shake, and shake again as their eyes merge]
[They both run in opposite directions. Cut to Warners dancing next to giant cereal box]
WSThe Warner Siblings
[singing] Eat Branimaniacs. Nutritionally, it lacks, but this cereal attacks all of your digestive tracts. It's Branimani-
[speaking, looking sick] My stomach's in pain-y
WSThe Warner Siblings
[singing] Branimaniacs!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
