A character in Animaniacs
Played by Jess Harnell
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Animaniacs: in 106 of its 261 quotes
Most scenes with: Yakko (94), Dot (83), Warners (32)
[First lines]
WakkoLook at all those stars.
They make me want to write poetry, or bake a ham; I forget which.
[yawns] Well, sibs. I'd say we turn in.
WakkoWhat do you want to turn into? I know, How about a bat? [turns into a bat and flies up on the roof] Or an elephant? [turns into an elephant and trumpets] Or a monkey? [turns into a monkey and makes monkey noises as he goes crazy]
[to Dot] Don't look at me. He's your brother.
We'll move on to science. Dot, what can you tell me about the great scientists of the 18th century?
They're all dead.
No, no, no!
Alright, they're all living.
No, no, no!
Well, now we're getting into philosophy.
We’re not getting into phi- [stops herself] We'll move on to grammar. Wakko, what is the meaning of the word "procrastination"?
WakkoI'll tell ya tomorrow.
You children are making this very difficult!
Well, learning isn.t easy.
Wakko[after trying to play Beethoven's hearing aide as if it were a brass instrument] Where's the mouth piece to this thing?
It's in my ear.
Wakko[spits out in disgust] THAT'S REVOLTING! [throws the hearing aid onto Beethoven]
[speaking through the hearing aid] You really shouldn't put stuff in people's ears. You'll go deaf.
[his mouth pops out of his hearing aid] I "AM" DEAF!
[shrug] Too late.
[holding onto Death] That means we'll all be like a family!
WakkoCan we call you "Dadoo"?
Hey, Pop, can we stay up past ten?
Can we watch the adult channel?
Hellooooooo, Nurse!
[serious voice over] We were each chosen for our unique abilities. That's Dot. Her specialty: Cuteness. [Dot blows kisses] That's Wakko. His specialty: The mallet. [whacks some nuts with the mallet, and eats them all] That's me. My specialty: Two paddle-balls at once!
[referring to a map] Now you have to get from this office here to soundstage 64 here, and stop that director. Any questions?
[raising their hands] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Would I look cute as a blonde?
WakkoWhy do cats purr?
Who's chubbier, Perry Mason or Scotty on "Star Trek"?
Wakko[singing] Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Columbus is the capital of Ohio, there's Montgomery, Alabama, south of Helena, Montana, then there's Denver, Colorado under Boise, Idaho. Texas has Austin, then we go north, to Massachusetts' Boston and Albany, New York. Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington, D.C., Santa Fe, New Mexico and Nashville, Tennessee. Elvis used to hang out there a lot, you know. Trenton's in New Jersey, north of Jefferson, Missouri, you've got Richmond in Virginia, South Dakota has Pierre, Harrisburg's in Pennsylvania, and Augusta's up in Maine, and here is Providence, Rhode Island next to Dover, Delaware. Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt. To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont. Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall. And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul. Juneau's in Alaska, and there's Lincoln in Nebraska, and it's Raleigh out in North Carolina, and then there's Madison, Wisconsin and Olympia in Washington, Phoenix, Arizona and Lansing, Michigan. Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy, Jackson, Mississippi and Springfield, Illinois, South Carolina with Columbia down the way. And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay. They have wonderful clam chowder. Cheyenne is in Wyoming, and perhaps you'd make your home in, Salt Lake City out in Utah, where the buffalo roam. Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Bismarck, North Dakota, And you can live in Frankfort in your old Kentucky home. Salem in Oregon, from there we join. Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines, Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city, Charleston, West Virginia and Nevada, Carson City! That's all the capitals, they are! [the song ends, the "incorrect" buzzer is heard] Huh?
Oh, I'm so sorry. You failed to put your response to the form of the question.
[Wakko whacks the violin on top of his head and falls unconsciously as Yakko shrugs this shoulders in remorse and Dot spreads her arms wide with pleasure]
[as Ivan Bloski jumps into the ocean and swims away furiously] Friends don't let friends disappear over the horizon alone. [the Warners all jump into a rowboat] Wait!
Stick around!
WakkoWe're gonna make sloppy joes and rent Don Knotts videos!
WakkoHey! Let's get some ice cream!
How 'bout this one? "Pistachio Almond Fruit Fudge Butterscotch Delight".
Ingredients: Zinc trisodium, aspartate, sorbitol and bisulfate, oxide beta carotene, lactic acid, carob bean. [singing] Grade-A milk emulsified, malto-dextrine alkalide, silicon deoxylite, lots of sugar.
Hey, alright!
Calcified synthetic salt, artificial barley malt, glycerine and aspartate, folic acid.
WakkoThat tastes great!
Monosodium glutamate, dehydrated calceinate, soybean oil, butter fat, caramel center.
WakkoI'll eat that!
Hooray for sugar, 'cause we love it! Chocolate chips, we want more of it! Cakes and ice cream! Want to shove it down our throats real fast!
Here's a candy bar, you tried it?
WakkoHey, let's all see what's inside it!
Gelatinized triglycerin, phosphate, soybean, lecithin, deoxylite tri-silicon, dipped in chocolate.
Bring it on!
Citrus enzymes, BHT, powdered milk.
Sounds good to me!
Baking soda, carob gum, carbohydrates.
Yummy-yum!
Monosodium glutamate, zinc disodium algenate, whole grain flour, yeast and fat.
WakkoTime to eat it! I'll do that!
We like sweets a lot, so give us all you've got and we'll stuff 'em in our bodies 'til they make our insides rot!
What are you drawing?
WakkoIt's a cow eating grass. [holds up a blank paper]
But where's the grass?
WakkoThe cow ate it.
But where is the cow?
WakkoWell, he's not going to stick around if there isn't any more grass to eat.
Number one sister! Dust for prints! [Dot pulls out a feather duster] Doctor Wakko, it could be a long night. Better order some pizzas.
Wakko[picks up a telephone next to the chair] I'd like 42 pizzas, 6 with no crusts. [smiles at camera]
[goes over to Flavio and Marita] Now - Do you have any enemies?
No.
Do you have any creditors?
No.
Well then... [runs over to a piano and begins playing it] Do you have any requests? Thank you so much! [picks up a mic and begins singing] Way down, Jack / Upon the Nile River, Jack...
I found Prince! [holding the musical artist Prince in her arms]
No no no, fingerprints! [wiggles his fingers]
[looks at Prince, he smiles at her, then puts his head back in a "facepalm"; shakes her head to the camera] I don't think so. [tosses him out a window]
[Yakko is reciting Puck's final monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream while Dot translates]
And now, the Warner Brothers in a scene from William Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream", translated for those viewers who, likeYakko, have no idea what he's saying.
[annoyed] Hmph! [Dot giggles] If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.
If the actors in our show made you mad, it will be okay if you look at it this way!
That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.
You fell asleep on your butt and dreamed the whole thing.
And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream.
There was a hole in the plot you can drive a truck through.
[Behind the action, Wakko is picking flowers and is swatted by a group a fairies. He sprays them away with a fire hose]
Gentles, do not reprehend...
Honeys, don't blame us. You could be watching Oprah.
If you pardon, we will mend.
But we're sorry and we promise our next show will be full of funny skits.
[Wakko continues to pick flowers when a very sexy fairy emerges]
Wakko[enamored] Hello pixie! [chases after her]
And, as I am an honest Puck...
I'm not touching that one.
If we have unearned luck now to 'scape the serpent's tongue.
What he said.
We will make amends ere long!
We'll buy you foot long hot dogs!
Else the Puck a liar call: So, good night unto you all. [he blows a kiss]
Goodnight everybody!
Give me your hands, if we be friends.
Applaud if you like us!
[The pixie Wakko has been chasing after comes up behind him enraged. He tries to give her flowers while she tries to swat him with a huge fly swatter]
WakkoAnd Robin shall restore amends.
And the Boy Wonder will save us.
[The Batmobile drives up and the Warners all jump in it, and it drives away, causing the pixie to spin around]
[dazed] Oh, what fools these Warners be!
[Cartoon opens up with a high-angle shot of the clouds, which move to reveal The Pequod as "Blow the Man Down" plays in the background. Cut to a shot of The Pequod. Cut to the deck. Ishmael is wiping the deck]
[popping out of a barrel] So this is The Love Boat. [he and his siblings pull out lounge chairs and sunbathe; to Ishmael] You must be Doc.
Call me Ishmael.
Call me Ishtar.
WakkoCall me irresponsible.
Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?
[The Warners walk off as Ishmael shrugs to the camera]
[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?
No, I Queequeg.
[The Warner Siblings sniff him]
Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.
Wakko[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look! They've got miniature golf onboard!
[The Warner Siblings hit the golf balls]
Fore!
[The golf balls bounce all over The Pequod until they hit Captain Ahab's door]
[emerges] Who dares disturb my brooding? [grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?
Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.
Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?
Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?
What? Yes. Go away. [as the Warners run up to the helm] We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until - huh? [the Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry?! [sees Yakko steering the wheel at the helm, and runs up to him] Give me that wheel at once!
You're the captain. [spins the wheel and gives it to Captain Ahab, who spins around]
Whoa! [then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!
We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.
And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?
WakkoYou know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.
Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale!
Okay.
Look! A white whale!
Where?! Where?!
[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!
Stop your tomfoolery! Find me that whale!
Thar she blows!
Where?! Where?!
[plays the trumpet; as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.
So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.
[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.
Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.
Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.
Wait! Please!
Vengeance is mine at last. [splits the row boat in half, using the spear] Begone!
[sing-song voices] Oh, Captain Ahab, don't look behind you.
[turns to see Moby Dick behind him; nearly losing his balance on the front end of the row boat] Whoa - w-w-whoa. So long, Moby Dick! [throws the spear at Moby Dick]
[Moby dick catches it, uses it as a toothpick, then kicks the spear away, using his tail. Captain Ahab is now nervous]
Hey, Captain Ahab! Tell Moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil!
[Moby Dick glares angrily at Captain Ahab]
[chuckling nervously] Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious- [swimming away for his life, scared out of his wits] Aah!
[Moby Dick chases after Captain Ahab, then eats him. Captain Ahab screams. Inside Moby Dick's mouth, Captain Ahab lights a match, then a lantern, and sits down on a broken mast]
Say, nice leg.
[Captain Ahab is puzzled
[offscreen] Get me out of here!
[Moby Dick is swimming away]
WakkoSo long, Captain Ahab!
Enjoy your new home!
Don't play around Moby's blowhole! [to his siblings] Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.
Wakko[to the viewers] That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.
Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us?! [sobs] Any ship will do!
[The RMS Titanic, The SS Edmund Fitzgerald, and The S.S. Minnow pull up on all sides]
[offscreen] Hey, little buddies.
We shoulda been more specific.
Little fools! I am Beelzebub! Lucifer! The Reaper of Souls! The Really Angry One! I AM SATAN! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
So that's nothing! I'm: [rasping, sinister voice] Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca the Third! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [normal voice] Just a little thing I do.
You blundering dolts! Don't you realize you've entered the fiery realm of Hades?!
WakkoHades? [dashes back up to the surface, brings back a snowball, sets it down, and watches as it quicky melts] Boy, they were right! It didn't have a chance!
SILENCE! And now, prepare to suffer indescribable torment!
Another Bob Hope special?
Worse! Behold; Cerberus, the Hound of Hades! [Cerberus the three-headed dog appears] Cerberus my pet, toss these fools into the Lake of Fire. But slowly. I want to watch them wiggle in agony.
How about if we just wiggle here?
Wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle!
Cease this at once! Cerberus, throw them in!
Wanna meet my pet? [takes out the tiny white box, opens it, and the monster comes out growling]
[Cerberus yelps in fear and runs off. Satan grabs the Warners by their tails]
Hey, does George Hamilton know your tan's better than his?
SILENCE! I don't want to hear another peep from you!
Peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-!
STOP PEEPING!
[pause] Peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep!
Ooh! [walks over to the door] Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all others. You will remain in here for eternity, listening to...whiny protest songs from the 60s.
Oh, I hate the government, more than you and me, The government stole my goldfish, and unplugged my TV.
[Warner siblings scream]
Enjoy. [prepares to kick them in, but it cuts to him being kicked in instead for no reason whatsoever]
[First lines; the Warner Siblings tunnel underground. Yakko pops up like Bugs Bunny. So is Wakko, who spits out dirt]
I know we're not rabbits, but it's a Warner tradition.
[pops out of the dirt] So this is Pennsylvania. [Wakko eats a rock] Disgusting!
Not as disgusting as Willard Scott in the leotard. [mistaking Transylvania for Pennsylvania] But according to this map, we made it! Pennsylvania, our homeland! [to Wakko] As cartoon characters, we were drawn. Ergo, Mom and Dad must've be pencils. So let's get that led out and find our family tree.
[A thunderstorm starts. A lightning bolt strikes a tree, burning it to a crisp, now turns into ashes]
Hope that wasn't it.
[The rain starts pouring. Wakko peppers another rock]
On second thought, let's start the search tomorrow. I'm tired.
Wakko[eats another rock] I'm hungry.
I'm cute. [the boys glare at her] Hey, I can't help it if I'm cute.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
