Hello Nurse quotes from Animaniacs

Und zo, I scheduled an appointment with The Varner Brothers. I'll never forget our first session...

The Warner Brothers are here for their 3:00 appointment. You be good little boys.

Mmm. [fall their heads down]

Dot

[walks over, and pulls their tongues back into their mouths like a window shade; shrugs to the camera] Boys.

[jumps into Scratchy's arms along with Wakko] How you doing, Scratchy?

I take umbrage at that.

Oh, sure. Take all the umbrage. Don't leave any for us.

No, I mean I take offence.

And you want our fence too? [pulling a wooden plank fence out of nowhere] All right, take it, but that's all. We're tapped out. [gives Dr. Scratchansniff the wooden plank fence]

[throws the wooden plank fence away] I think it's time we got down to business, ja?

[rapping] Now-our first quarter figures are really low as this-a business-a graph will hopefully show.

What are you doing?

We're getting down... to business.

[takes the stick] You always make ze jokes. Zis is not good. No more jokes, ja? [the Warner Siblings nod] Ja. Good, now, plant yourselves on ze couch there. [the Warner Siblings jump onto the couch and literally sprout up into flowers] I said, no more jokes!

This isn't a joke, it's a visual gag.

Well, no more jokes, gags, or monkey stuff.

Define monkey stuff.

Yeah, THE MONKEY STUFF! THE MONKEY STUFF! You know, you walks around like a silly monkey. [acting like a monkey] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Und' you be all goofy like a monkey. Zat is the monkey stuff.

Wakko

Maybe you should see a p-sy-chiatrist.

I am a p-sych-...uh. I mean, a psychiatrist! EUH! [while he paces back and forth, the Warner Siblings follow him, copying him, walking like Ancient Egyptians, and as a British tourist group] Ah... I know vhat you kids vant, ja! You vant to talk to Mr. Puppethead! [pulls out a hand puppet resembling him] Hello kids, I'm Mr. Puppethead! Tell me vhy you always make the jokes. [the Warners look at the puppet awkwardly] Vhy aren't you talking with Mr. Puppethead? No, no, it iz very easy. Watch me, watch me. [clears throat] Hello, Mr. Puppethead, how are you? I am fine, Dr. Scratchansniff. How are you? I am fine, Mr. Puppethead. Did you have a yummy breakfast? Oh yes, yes! Very yummy, thank you. How was your breakfast? My breakfast was yummy as vell. [to the Warner siblings] Now you see? Isn't that easy?

Uhmm...are you sure you don't want to see a p-sychiatrist?

I am a p-sychi- I mean psychiatrist! [tearing at his hair with the puppet] I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM!

Mr. Puppethead's hungry.

Would you like anything?

Slappy

Perhaps a sedative?

Huh? I don't get it.

Slappy

Go away. [Hello Nurse shrugs and begins to walk off in a sultry manner. A suitcase drops down from the overhead compartment and opens to reveal the three Warner siblings]

Helloooooo, nurse!

Slappy

[to the camera] That was pointless.

And now, Dot Warner, Slappy Squirrel and Hello Nurse in the famous witches scene from William Shakespeare's "Macbeth", interpreted by Yakko for those viewers who, like Dot, Slappy and Hello Nurse, have no idea what they're saying.

[they stop stirring their cauldron for a moment with a glare. Then they resume] Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

Loosely translated, that means "Aabra cadabara."

Dot

Fillet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake!

"Let's cook a snake!" Start with my agent.

Dot

Eye of newt [Wakko drops hunting dog Newt] and toe of frog, [Wakko drops Michigan J. Frog] Wool of bat [Wakko drops Batman] and tongue of dog.

Sounds like camp food to me.

Dot

For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hellbroth boil and bubble.

[yawns] "Stir until bored." Serves twelve, unless you're Rush Limbaugh; then it's an appetizer.

Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

"Bippety boppety boo!" Here's another fun recipe:

Slappy

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf. Witch's mummy, maw and gulf.

Those are the ingredients of a hot dog!

Slappy

Of the ravened salt-sea shark. [Wakko drops a shark] Root of hemlock...

Goooo, Hemlock!

Slappy

...dig'd in the dark.

[singing] Dig'd in the dark is a gas. Baby, can ya dig it?

Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

"Hocus pocus." When do we eat? [flames shoot from the cauldron, then he jumps out of the interpreter's circle] Hey, what'd we come up with? Hash?

Dot

Corndog?

Slappy

Fondue?

Dot

By the pricking of my thumbs, something scary this way comes!

[singing] Oh, lady! I know a lady with high-heeled shoes and socks and panty hose! Oh, pretty lady!

[last line] Uhhhh, let's send out for pizza.

So sister, what's your story?

Dot

Well, I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show, my mama used to dance for the money they'd throw. Papa would do what...

Not you! Her!

[bursting through the door, singing] It's only one eye, but it's open!

No, not you either. [referring to Hello Nurse] HER!

Dot

You said sister!

[facepalm] All he-man detectives call women 'Sister' in the politically unaware decades preceding Women's Liberation. [to Hello Nurse] So sister, [to Dot] who's really not my sister but I'm just CALLING sister... [to Hello Nurse] you're about to describe your caper.

Well, it's a little green pickle that's sometimes found in salads.

That is correct! Tell her what she's won!

Wakko

[hops into Hello Nurse's arms] A date with me!

Can you find him?

Of course, we can find him. [holds her romantically] Now about our fee.

[pulls out the money] I'm prepared to pay well.

Fine. We only ask one thing.

What's that?

Never put us on opposite "60 Minutes"; we'll get creamed. [takes the money and drops Hello Nurse on the butt]

Wakko

I'm confused.

Dot

What else is new?

Wakko

Is this true about "The Wagon and the Traveling Show"? I don't remember that.

Dot

[to Yakko; annoyed] Can we please move on?

[to Hello Nurse] Tell us, where did you last see your boss?

In the Mambo Room at the Tropicombo Club. A band was playing Latin dance music. I was with the doctor, he mumbled something. The band had a big dumb guy playing drums and everyone was dancing under a pole, then the doctor vanished.

Now, lemme get this straight: He muttered some mumbo-jumbo during the Combo Samba in the Mambo at the Tropicombo. Then there was a jumbo dumbo playing the limbo on the bongos and then he was gone?

That is absolutely correct!

Tell her what she's won!

Wakko

[hops into Hello Nurse's arms again] Another date with me!

How come I always get the booby prize?

Dot

I'm not touching that one.

to his siblings] Let's hit the road!

I claim this statue in the name of Gulf and Western.

I claim it in the name of Rupert Murdoch.

Uh, by gad, sir. I claim it in the name of Matsu...I mean, Mateshootie...uh...for Seagram's.

Ah, I've got it. The mink is working for Fox, the pair of legs is working for Paramount, and the guy who needs rehearsal's working for Universal!

Dot

[dryly] Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Hello, Nurse!

Uh...

Dot

I am NOT Trying to be annoying.

[in Spanish accents] AI!

Duh!

[in Spanish accents]

Oy, Macadamia!

Narf!

[in Spanish accents]

Dot

[in her Spanish accent] Otra vez on y vas the repetitive refrainia...

Oy, Macadamia!

Yes!

Dot

Don't hate me because I'm cute!

Ow!

Skippy

Spew!

Bacawk!

Slappy

[spoken] I don't get it. What's the joke?

Uh...

Uh...

Louisa Francesa Banana Fana Bo Besca.