Dot quotes from Animaniacs

Candie

[reading letter] "Dear Candie Chipmunk, congratulations. You have been chosen to appear on the new game show entitled 'The New Game Show'. Come to the studio right away." Imagine me on a game show. What'll I wear?

All right, Candie. You've already won a washer-dryer, a wet bar, a lexus, The Love Boat, Cher's house, and the planet Venus.

Ooh. Aah.

Do you want to keep your prizes, or trade them for something possibly even bigger behind curtain number 3?

[in unison with Wakko] Hello, nurse!

Dot

Boys, go fig.

Candie

I'll take...the curtain!

Skippy

She exploded!

Slappy

It's a toon thing. [a knocks on door] Shoot me [she opens the door, and Candie throws the can at her head from outside the tree offscreen] Look at that, she ain't recycling.

[popping out of a barrel] So this is The Love Boat. [he and his siblings pull out lounge chairs and sunbathe; to Ishmael] You must be Doc.

Call me Ishmael.

Call me Ishtar.

Wakko

Call me irresponsible.

Dot

Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?

[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?

No, I Queequeg.

Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.

Wakko

[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look! They've got miniature golf onboard!

Fore!

[emerges] Who dares disturb my brooding? [grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?

Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.

Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?

Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?

What? Yes. Go away. [as the Warners run up to the helm] We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until - huh? [the Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry?! [sees Yakko steering the wheel at the helm, and runs up to him] Give me that wheel at once!

You're the captain. [spins the wheel and gives it to Captain Ahab, who spins around]

Whoa! [then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!

We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.

Dot

And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?

Wakko

You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.

Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale!

Dot

Okay.

Look! A white whale!

Where?! Where?!

[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!

Stop your tomfoolery! Find me that whale!

Thar she blows!

Where?! Where?!

Dot

[plays the trumpet; as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.

So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.

Dot

[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.

Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.

Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.

Wait! Please!

Vengeance is mine at last. [splits the row boat in half, using the spear] Begone!

[sing-song voices] Oh, Captain Ahab, don't look behind you.

[turns to see Moby Dick behind him; nearly losing his balance on the front end of the row boat] Whoa - w-w-whoa. So long, Moby Dick! [throws the spear at Moby Dick]

Hey, Captain Ahab! Tell Moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil!

[chuckling nervously] Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious- [swimming away for his life, scared out of his wits] Aah!

Say, nice leg.

[offscreen] Get me out of here!

Wakko

So long, Captain Ahab!

Dot

Enjoy your new home!

Don't play around Moby's blowhole! [to his siblings] Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.

Wakko

[to the viewers] That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.

Dot

Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us?! [sobs] Any ship will do!

[offscreen] Hey, little buddies.

We shoulda been more specific.

Little fools! I am Beelzebub! Lucifer! The Reaper of Souls! The Really Angry One! I AM SATAN! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dot

So that's nothing! I'm: [rasping, sinister voice] Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca the Third! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [normal voice] Just a little thing I do.

You blundering dolts! Don't you realize you've entered the fiery realm of Hades?!

Wakko

Hades? [dashes back up to the surface, brings back a snowball, sets it down, and watches as it quicky melts] Boy, they were right! It didn't have a chance!

SILENCE! And now, prepare to suffer indescribable torment!

Another Bob Hope special?

Worse! Behold; Cerberus, the Hound of Hades! [Cerberus the three-headed dog appears] Cerberus my pet, toss these fools into the Lake of Fire. But slowly. I want to watch them wiggle in agony.

How about if we just wiggle here?

Wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle!

Cease this at once! Cerberus, throw them in!

Dot

Wanna meet my pet? [takes out the tiny white box, opens it, and the monster comes out growling]

Hey, does George Hamilton know your tan's better than his?

SILENCE! I don't want to hear another peep from you!

Peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-!

STOP PEEPING!

[pause] Peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep-peep!

Ooh! [walks over to the door] Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all others. You will remain in here for eternity, listening to...whiny protest songs from the 60s.

Oh, I hate the government, more than you and me, The government stole my goldfish, and unplugged my TV.

Enjoy. [prepares to kick them in, but it cuts to him being kicked in instead for no reason whatsoever]

I know we're not rabbits, but it's a Warner tradition.

Dot

[pops out of the dirt] So this is Pennsylvania. [Wakko eats a rock] Disgusting!

Not as disgusting as Willard Scott in the leotard. [mistaking Transylvania for Pennsylvania] But according to this map, we made it! Pennsylvania, our homeland! [to Wakko] As cartoon characters, we were drawn. Ergo, Mom and Dad must've be pencils. So let's get that led out and find our family tree.

Dot

Hope that wasn't it.

On second thought, let's start the search tomorrow. I'm tired.

Wakko

[eats another rock] I'm hungry.

Dot

I'm cute. [the boys glare at her] Hey, I can't help it if I'm cute.

[to his skeleton valet] Don't wait for me. [walks with cloak wrapped around] Aah. Ignorant little travelers. It's been many years since any have come willingly to me. Who are you?

We're the Warner Brothers.

Dot

And the Warner Sister.

[to Count Dracula, as Wakko takes a pocket watch out of Count Dracula's pocket] Does Batman know you're wearing his cape, so badly?

Wakko

I'm Wakko. [kisses Dracula] Did you miss me, huh?

Please. You're washing off my Old spice.

Dot

I'm Dot, but you may call me princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca, the third. Tee hee. [Count Dracula sees the blood vessels in her neck. Says Type O, unleaded 87 octane with marks. Dracula looks close, each of his hands connected] I get this from guys all the time. [Count Dracula looks closer at her neck, making it stretch] SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

Ahem. I am Count Dracula.

Didn't you used to teach math on Sesame Street?

Stop your silly chatter and enter! The night is long and I hunger for company. [the Warner Siblings dash off, leaving him on the floor. He growls, and the door slams in his face. Inside the castle, it was creepy; repeatedly bangs on the door outside and offscreen] Let me in, you little weasels!

Wakko

[talking about Dracula] That guy sure dresses funny.

Dot

This is Pennsylvania, Wakko. He's probably Amish.

I'll handle him. I saw Witness twice. [He opens the door for Count Dracula. He clears his throat] Greetings, good Amish farmer. How's it going with thee? Is there a place hither where we may sleep yon?

Impudent child! You can't make a fool out of me!

[dresses up Count Dracula in a fool outfit] Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

[takes off the fool outfit] Puny mortals! Now witness the power of the undead! [turns into a big bat as "Night on Bald Mountain" by Modest Mussorgsky plays in the background]

Neat trick!

Wakko

[flying like a bat] Hey, look at me! I'm a bat too!

You are not a bat.

Wakko

Oh, you're right. But this is! [whacks Count Dracula with a baseball bat with a face and wings on it, sending him falling to the floor in a Batman logo-shaped hole. Count Dracula climbs up out of the Batman logo-shaped hole, seeing bats]

Oh, I'm not well. [falls down from the high ceiling to the floor, creating the Batman logo-shaped hole. Climbs out of the hold in the human form while seeing bats in his dazed head]

Good farmer, mayest we see-eth our rooms now?

[in a dazed voice] Why, certainly. Walketh this way. [walks clumsily. The Warner Siblings imitate him]

Hey, whatcha doing, mister? You gonna suck her blood? Empty her tank? Turn her into one of your legion of zombie vampires who only live to do your evil bidding? Or are you gonna make out and play kissy face and hope your dad doesn't butt in and ground you? Huh? How about it, mister? [speeds off]

Dot

[wearing Count Dracula's teeth] Yoo-hoo! What do you think? Do they make me look like Sheena Easton?

[puts teeth back on] Foolish little whelp!!! NOW YOU WILL LEARN THE MEANING OF ETERNAL SLUMBER!!!

Dot

Slumber?! As in slumber party?! Let's! [the Warner Siblings dress Count Dracula up into pink clothing. He gasps] Know any dreamy guys?

Tell us!

Wakko

Oh, please, please!

Dot

Let's play with makeup!

[screams like Homer Simpson] Get away from me, you little monsters!

Dot

Wait! We were just about to order pizza and tell ghost stories!

[opening his coffin] Peace, at last. [screams]

[coughing] Hast thou any coffin drops? [Count Dracula groans, grunts, throws The Warner Siblings away, then goes into his coffin. Yakko tries opening the lid] Hey, he's locked in.

Dot

Oh, no. He'll suffocate!

Hangeth on, kind farmer! We shall saveth thee!

Wakko

[opens the halves to reveal Count Dracula cut in half] Oops. [giggles, then puts the two halves together again]

[roars, growling, cornering the Warner Siblings] Your lives here have ended!

True, mister Amish man, for we must check out. 'Tis morning! [opens the window to reveal a bright sunshine]

[whimpers] And me without my sun block! [trips back into his coffin]

Dot

Wakey wakey! Rise and shine! [puts an alarm clock in Count Dracula's head] We'd like waffles and a big cheese wheel for breakfast.

Boy. Who knew the Amish could have such explosive tempers?

Dot

[finally notices the Transylvania sign] You know, Yakko, maybe this isn't Pencil-vania after all.

You're right, Dot. We never should have taken that left turn at Kennebunkport. Come on!

Uhh. Pencil-vania, at last. Homeland of our ancestors.

[doing his trademark tornado entrance, jabbering, then blows raspberry. He screams, then tornadoes away as the "Taz-mania theme" plays in the background]

Dot

This is Tasmania, not Pennsylvania!

Let's face it. We need a new map.

Dot

[after Pip suddenly leaves] It's too quiet!

Wakko

I miss him!

Pip! Wait! [chasing after him] Pip! Come back! Tell us another story!

Dot

Please, tell us more about bologna!

Wakko

Did you ever meet Don Knotts?!

Oh, come on! Please, do!

Hi. We're the Warner Brothers.

Dot

And the Warner Sister.

And we'd like to invite you and all the members of your household-

Dot

to gather around the TV set and join us now-

for a very special episode of Animaniacs.

Dot

And what's so special about it?

Wakko

I'm not wearing any pants! [covers his other parts of the body with his sweater]

She’s the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world, this short cartoon features Dottie the Squirrel!

Dot

The name's Dot! Call me Dottie and you die!

That’s Dottie!

Dot

[gets out a bomb] I warned you! [tosses it at the camera and it blows up]

Slappy

[to Yakko, Wakko and Dot] You three remind me of a very young Yippee, Yappee and Yahooey. [walks off]

Dot

[to the audience] I have no idea what that meant.

[chanting] Left, left, left, right, left. Recruits smell and that's no lie. Hate your guts gonna make you cry. Call me smart call me inspired. You're gonna march till I get tired. [spoken]I love my job.

[arrives in the car] Hey, sarge. The new recruits are here.

[grins deviously] Fresh meat. [chuckles; climbs aboard the jeeps and drives back to the camp with the soldier]

Excuse us. pardon us. Coming through. Ah, summer camp at last! Eight weeks of fun, fun, fun!

Dot

[dressed in duck floater] Swimming and canoe racing!

Wakko

Mosquitoes and bear attacks!

And not just any old camp, [gets the binoculars] boot camp!

Dot

Like Imelda Marcos, I've always adored boots. [the sergeant arrives] Hello, nurse! Hi, Mr. Camp Counselor. I'd like size three EEE boots with fringe and little pink bows on the toes, please. [wiggling her toes in the sergeant's face]

Get back in line, soldier!

Dot

[sniffs] Ew, who's P-yew?

Psst. Down here. Say, is there a girls' camp across the lake? You know. "Hello, nurse".

Fall in! [the Warners literally fall to the ground] Get up! [the Warners stand up] Now, fall in! [repeat] Get up and fall in!

Is this part of our camp initiation? Frankly, we'd prefer the spanking machine.

Get up and get in line!

Well why didn't you say that in the first place?

Who do you think you are?

We think, therefore we are the Warner brothers.

Dot

And the Warner sister.

Wakko

[shakes hands with the sergeant] Glad to make my acquaintance.

[grunts] Give me that back, you little Gila monster! [takes watch]

All of it, Wakko. [Wakko gives back wallet, id cards, pen, teddy bear underwear, pink shirt, causes the sergeant to become embarrassed with a nervous smile] Excuse me, Mr. Camp Counselor, but, uh, when do we get to sing "Kumbaya"?

I am not a camp counselor! I am your drill instructor! This is the army, soldier!

[realizes] The Army?

Dot

Well, it's been fun. Gotta go.

Wakko

Buh-bye.

Get back here! [grabs them and puts them back in line] From now on, this Army will be your home. I will be your mother, father, aunt and uncle.

A family! [kiss the sergeant] Mwah!

Stop that, you - you - you - What are you, anyway?!

Dot

Infested with fleas.

Wakko

I don't want to be in the Army, Yakko. What are we gonna do?!

Uhh...I'm leaning heavily toward fleeing.

To the left, right, left. Your left. To the left. To the left, right, left. I don't know but I've been told. Army life is mighty bold. Every night before retreat-

We order out for luncheon meat.

[kicks the Warners] Platoon, get back to the barracks! [the soldiers leave] As for you three, I've had it!

Dot

Good. Does that mean we can leave?

[snarky] No, Private Cute Boots. From now on, I'm training you to become agents of total destruction.

But we don't want to be mailmen. We'd rather work for a living.