[First lines; at the Boot Camp]
SSergeant
[chanting] Left, left, left, right, left. Recruits smell and that's no lie. Hate your guts gonna make you cry. Call me smart call me inspired. You're gonna march till I get tired. [spoken]I love my job.
SSoldier
[arrives in the car] Hey, sarge. The new recruits are here.
SSergeant
[grins deviously] Fresh meat. [chuckles; climbs aboard the jeeps and drives back to the camp with the soldier]
[The bus arrives, letting new recruits out. The Warner Siblings come out too]
Excuse us. pardon us. Coming through. Ah, summer camp at last! Eight weeks of fun, fun, fun!
[dressed in duck floater] Swimming and canoe racing!
Mosquitoes and bear attacks!
And not just any old camp, [gets the binoculars] boot camp!
Like Imelda Marcos, I've always adored boots. [the sergeant arrives] Hello, nurse! Hi, Mr. Camp Counselor. I'd like size three EEE boots with fringe and little pink bows on the toes, please. [wiggling her toes in the sergeant's face]
SSergeant
Get back in line, soldier!
[sniffs] Ew, who's P-yew?
[The sergeant giggles sheepishly]
Psst. Down here. Say, is there a girls' camp across the lake? You know. "Hello, nurse".
SSergeant
Fall in! [the Warners literally fall to the ground] Get up! [the Warners stand up] Now, fall in! [repeat] Get up and fall in!
[The Warners stand up and fall to the ground at the same time]
Is this part of our camp initiation? Frankly, we'd prefer the spanking machine.
SSergeant
Get up and get in line!
Well why didn't you say that in the first place?
[The Warners stand straight in line]
SSergeant
Who do you think you are?
We think, therefore we are the Warner brothers.
[shakes hands with the sergeant] Glad to make my acquaintance.
[The sergeant's watch falls into Wakko's wrist]
SSergeant
[grunts] Give me that back, you little Gila monster! [takes watch]
All of it, Wakko. [Wakko gives back wallet, id cards, pen, teddy bear underwear, pink shirt, causes the sergeant to become embarrassed with a nervous smile] Excuse me, Mr. Camp Counselor, but, uh, when do we get to sing "Kumbaya"?
SSergeant
I am not a camp counselor! I am your drill instructor! This is the army, soldier!
Well, it's been fun. Gotta go.
[The Warners run off]
SSergeant
Get back here! [grabs them and puts them back in line] From now on, this Army will be your home. I will be your mother, father, aunt and uncle.
A family! [kiss the sergeant] Mwah!
SSergeant
Stop that, you - you - you - What are you, anyway?!
[The sergeant looks at the camera]
[All the recruits' hairs are being shaved. One man's hair is shaved, and resembles Private Snafu as "You're a Horse's Ass" plays in the background]
SShaver
[to Wakko] Oh, take off your hat. [Wakko does so] Oh, that one too. [again] Uh, that one too. Ooh. Hm. [all the hats land on him, growls]
[wearing the clown's hair hat] Hat's all, folks!
SShaver
Behave yourself or I'll get real mad. Oh, yes I will, real mad. [shaves off stripe, Wakko paints it on again. This continues until Wakko shaves off a part of the shaver's head. The shaver paints a part of hair, then Wakko paints the moustache. Then shaver shaves off the top part of the hair. Then Wakko gives the shaver a coin and runs off] And I thought Opie was naughty.
[All the recruits, including the Warners, hold sheets and army uniforms]
I don't want to be in the Army, Yakko. What are we gonna do?!
Uhh...I'm leaning heavily toward fleeing.
[They walk outside]
SSergeant
To the left, right, left. Your left. To the left. To the left, right, left. I don't know but I've been told. Army life is mighty bold. Every night before retreat-
We order out for luncheon meat.
SSergeant
[kicks the Warners] Platoon, get back to the barracks! [the soldiers leave] As for you three, I've had it!
Good. Does that mean we can leave?
SSergeant
[snarky] No, Private Cute Boots. From now on, I'm training you to become agents of total destruction.
But we don't want to be mailmen. We'd rather work for a living.
[The Warners hold shovels. Dot spray paints boots pink]
SSergeant
Detail, halt. [they did so] A foxhole is a soldier's best friend.
Must be hard to go to the movies together.
SSergeant
Dig! [the Warners dig down, a fox comes out] Huh?
We'd move if we were you.
[The sergeant startles and falls into the hole, screaming]
Did we dig it deep enough?!
[The sergeant lands with a thud offscreen]
[During the grenade-throwing training]
SSergeant
This is the grenade range. You will learn all about the standard M26-A1-F472918-A fragmentation device. Just pull the pin and throw. [Wakko pulls pin and throws it away; freaking out] Throw the grenade!
SSergeant
I meant pull the pin and throw the grenade!
I'm all confused. [gives the grenade to the sergeant] You do it. [walks off with his siblings]
[The sergeant fumbles with grenade, which explodes]
[Inside the plane]
SSergeant
Normally, parachuting is reserved for well-trained, elite troops. But in your case, I'm gonna make an exception. [chuckles; grabs the Warners and jump from the plane] Geronimo!
By the way, we took your dirty sheets to the laundry.
SSergeant
What dirty sheets?
The ones you stuffed in your knapsack.
SSergeant
Huh? [pulls the string, and the bag opens to reveal the dirty sheets] Aaah! Ohhh! [falls down]
[The sergeant crashes to the ground]
[in glorious 60fps] Don't worry, kids. It's almost over.
[The Warners land safely to the ground]
SSergeant
[dressed in a casual camping outfit] Come on, guys. Let's go camping. Build a campfire, make s'mores, sing songs. Come on.
SWSergeant and the Warners
[singing]
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?
[Iris out, but Dot pushes it away]
[spoken; last lines] Camp is okay, but these pink boots are killing me. [lets go of the iris as the cartoon ends]
