CDCount Dracula
[to his skeleton valet] Don't wait for me. [walks with cloak wrapped around] Aah. Ignorant little travelers. It's been many years since any have come willingly to me. Who are you?
YWYakko and Wakko
We're the Warner Brothers.
[to Count Dracula, as Wakko takes a pocket watch out of Count Dracula's pocket] Does Batman know you're wearing his cape, so badly?
I'm Wakko. [kisses Dracula] Did you miss me, huh?
CDCount Dracula
Please. You're washing off my Old spice.
I'm Dot, but you may call me princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca, the third. Tee hee. [Count Dracula sees the blood vessels in her neck. Says Type O, unleaded 87 octane with marks. Dracula looks close, each of his hands connected] I get this from guys all the time. [Count Dracula looks closer at her neck, making it stretch] SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
CDCount Dracula
Ahem. I am Count Dracula.
Didn't you used to teach math on Sesame Street?
CDCount Dracula
Stop your silly chatter and enter! The night is long and I hunger for company. [the Warner Siblings dash off, leaving him on the floor. He growls, and the door slams in his face. Inside the castle, it was creepy; repeatedly bangs on the door outside and offscreen] Let me in, you little weasels!
[talking about Dracula] That guy sure dresses funny.
This is Pennsylvania, Wakko. He's probably Amish.
I'll handle him. I saw Witness twice. [He opens the door for Count Dracula. He clears his throat] Greetings, good Amish farmer. How's it going with thee? Is there a place hither where we may sleep yon?
CDCount Dracula
Impudent child! You can't make a fool out of me!
[dresses up Count Dracula in a fool outfit] Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.
CDCount Dracula
[takes off the fool outfit] Puny mortals! Now witness the power of the undead! [turns into a big bat as "Night on Bald Mountain" by Modest Mussorgsky plays in the background]
[flying like a bat] Hey, look at me! I'm a bat too!
CDCount Dracula
You are not a bat.
Oh, you're right. But this is! [whacks Count Dracula with a baseball bat with a face and wings on it, sending him falling to the floor in a Batman logo-shaped hole. Count Dracula climbs up out of the Batman logo-shaped hole, seeing bats]
CDCount Dracula
Oh, I'm not well. [falls down from the high ceiling to the floor, creating the Batman logo-shaped hole. Climbs out of the hold in the human form while seeing bats in his dazed head]
Good farmer, mayest we see-eth our rooms now?
CDCount Dracula
[in a dazed voice] Why, certainly. Walketh this way. [walks clumsily. The Warner Siblings imitate him]
CDCount Dracula
You boys will be sleeping in the, uh, Mary Poppins suite. It's very cozy.
[A monster growls inside]
Sounds like Howard Stern.
CDCount Dracula
[patting Yakko's head] Uh, yes, the plumbing is old. Now, nighty-night. [opens the door and forces Yakko and Wakko in. He comes out, locking the door] Whew. [turns to reveal Yakko and Wakko on velcro on his back]
[Count Dracula is about to bite Dot's neck]
Hey, whatcha doing, mister? You gonna suck her blood? Empty her tank? Turn her into one of your legion of zombie vampires who only live to do your evil bidding? Or are you gonna make out and play kissy face and hope your dad doesn't butt in and ground you? Huh? How about it, mister? [speeds off]
[Count Dracula tries again, but Dot wakes up and punches him in the jaw, then brushes his teeth. Count Dracula tries again, but Wakko, dressed as a doctor, takes his teeth out]
[wearing Count Dracula's teeth] Yoo-hoo! What do you think? Do they make me look like Sheena Easton?
CDCount Dracula
[puts teeth back on] Foolish little whelp!!! NOW YOU WILL LEARN THE MEANING OF ETERNAL SLUMBER!!!
Slumber?! As in slumber party?! Let's! [the Warner Siblings dress Count Dracula up into pink clothing. He gasps] Know any dreamy guys?
[Wakko dusts Count Dracula's face, Yakko puts on eyelid coloring and eyebrows,and Dot puts on makeup, and a bowtie. Wakko shows Count Dracula a mirror]
CDCount Dracula
[screams like Homer Simpson] Get away from me, you little monsters!
Wait! We were just about to order pizza and tell ghost stories!
CDCount Dracula
[opening his coffin] Peace, at last. [screams]
[coughing] Hast thou any coffin drops? [Count Dracula groans, grunts, throws The Warner Siblings away, then goes into his coffin. Yakko tries opening the lid] Hey, he's locked in.
[Inside his coffin, Count Dracula sighs, until Wakko gets a chainsaw and cuts the coffin in half]
Hangeth on, kind farmer! We shall saveth thee!
[opens the halves to reveal Count Dracula cut in half] Oops. [giggles, then puts the two halves together again]
CDCount Dracula
[roars, growling, cornering the Warner Siblings] Your lives here have ended!
True, mister Amish man, for we must check out. 'Tis morning! [opens the window to reveal a bright sunshine]
CDCount Dracula
[whimpers] And me without my sun block! [trips back into his coffin]
[Yakko plays "Reveille" on a trumpet]
Wakey wakey! Rise and shine! [puts an alarm clock in Count Dracula's head] We'd like waffles and a big cheese wheel for breakfast.
[Wakko crows like a rooster. Count Dracula roars and debris flies. The Warner Siblings flee as the mansion collapses]
Boy. Who knew the Amish could have such explosive tempers?
[finally notices the Transylvania sign] You know, Yakko, maybe this isn't Pencil-vania after all.
[Wakko eats a rock]
You're right, Dot. We never should have taken that left turn at Kennebunkport. Come on!
[The Warner Siblings tunnel underground]]
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
