[Cartoon opens up with a high-angle shot of the clouds, which move to reveal The Pequod as "Blow the Man Down" plays in the background. Cut to a shot of The Pequod. Cut to the deck. Ishmael is wiping the deck]
[popping out of a barrel] So this is The Love Boat. [he and his siblings pull out lounge chairs and sunbathe; to Ishmael] You must be Doc.
IIshmael
Call me Ishmael.
Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?
[The Warners walk off as Ishmael shrugs to the camera]
[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?
QQueequeg
No, I Queequeg.
[The Warner Siblings sniff him]
Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.
[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look! They've got miniature golf onboard!
[The Warner Siblings hit the golf balls]
[The golf balls bounce all over The Pequod until they hit Captain Ahab's door]
ACaptain Ahab
[emerges] Who dares disturb my brooding? [grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?
SStarbuck
Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.
ACaptain Ahab
Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?
Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?
ACaptain Ahab
What? Yes. Go away. [as the Warners run up to the helm] We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until - huh? [the Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry?! [sees Yakko steering the wheel at the helm, and runs up to him] Give me that wheel at once!
You're the captain. [spins the wheel and gives it to Captain Ahab, who spins around]
ACaptain Ahab
Whoa! [then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!
We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.
And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?
You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.
ACaptain Ahab
Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale!
ACaptain Ahab
Where?! Where?!
[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!
ACaptain Ahab
Stop your tomfoolery! Find me that whale!
ACaptain Ahab
Where?! Where?!
[plays the trumpet; as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.
So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.
[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.
ACaptain Ahab
Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.
Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.
[After the "Captain, You're a Dummy" Song]
[Moby Dick swims toward The Pequod, leaping over it]
ACaptain Ahab
Get Moby Dick. All hands stand to. Man the longboat!
Or woman the short boat. That way, everybody's covered.
[Captain Ahab and The Warner Siblings jump into a row boat]
you have a wonderful voice.
Have you ever considered a career in radio? [they row]
ACaptain Ahab
Vengeance is mine at last. [splits the row boat in half, using the spear] Begone!
[sing-song voices] Oh, Captain Ahab, don't look behind you.
ACaptain Ahab
[turns to see Moby Dick behind him; nearly losing his balance on the front end of the row boat] Whoa - w-w-whoa. So long, Moby Dick! [throws the spear at Moby Dick]
[Moby dick catches it, uses it as a toothpick, then kicks the spear away, using his tail. Captain Ahab is now nervous]
Hey, Captain Ahab! Tell Moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil!
[Moby Dick glares angrily at Captain Ahab]
ACaptain Ahab
[chuckling nervously] Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious- [swimming away for his life, scared out of his wits] Aah!
[Moby Dick chases after Captain Ahab, then eats him. Captain Ahab screams. Inside Moby Dick's mouth, Captain Ahab lights a match, then a lantern, and sits down on a broken mast]
PPinocchio
Say, nice leg.
[Captain Ahab is puzzled
ACaptain Ahab
[offscreen] Get me out of here!
[Moby Dick is swimming away]
Don't play around Moby's blowhole! [to his siblings] Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.
[to the viewers] That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.
Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us?! [sobs] Any ship will do!
[The RMS Titanic, The SS Edmund Fitzgerald, and The S.S. Minnow pull up on all sides]
SSkipper
[offscreen] Hey, little buddies.
We shoulda been more specific.
To spell Santa's name is easy to do.
You write S-A-N-T and another "A", too.
But no "L", no "L", Santa's name has no "L".
And he won't be too pleased if you don't learn to spell.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch water from the well,
But when neither one could find it, Jill started to yell.
No well, no well, can't believe there's no well!
We walked all the way here and I'm mad can't you tell!
Captain Ahab took his crew his harpoon and set sail
And he called out to ships...
ACaptain Ahab
Have you seen the white whale?!
SSailors
No whale, no whale, no, we ain't seen no whale!
S1Sailor 1
Saw a couple of dolphins...
S2Sailor 2
And a big yellowtail!
If you've listened to this tune, then you probably can tell
That you've heard it before. It's a song you know well.
Know well, know well, it's a song you know well,
And we've ruined it completely, so we all say, "Oh, well."
Oh, well, oh, well, we'll just say fare thee well!
Merry Christmas to you and a joyous Noel!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
