American Dad! Season 14 quotes

Roger

[whispering] Hey. Hey. Up here. [Steve looks up, to see Roger in a vent] Want to get back at A.J. and win that talent show? I can help.

Steve

[walks under Roger's vent and looks at in quizzically] What-- what are you doing in there?

Roger

I'm trapped. I dropped a Skittle down a vent, and I went in after it. I've been in here for days. Get a Phillips-head screwdriver and meet me by the vent in Hayley's bathroom. [notices something offscreen] Oh. Oh, there-- uhp, there's the Skittle. Went down this slightly narrower passageway here.

Roger

Shit.

Steve

Wow, you move just like a dummy!

Roger

Now, Steve. Why do you think I slapped you? It's because you used a certain word. Do you know what that word is?

Steve

Is it...

Roger

That's right. Never, ever call me a dummy. The word "dummy" is degrading. I am a manually-articulated performative kinesio-maquette... named Dudley Dingleberry.

Steve

Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with A.J.'s accident.

Roger

Let's just say that as far as us winning the talent show goes, the bar was just lowered.

Steve

That, uh... that's not the most convincing denial.

Roger

The show must go on.

Klaus

A-Am I early for book club?

Roger

No, you're late! And that's two weeks in a row! You're out!

Klaus

I didn't read it anyway.

Roger

I blew the punchline. That's what it was. Still, the setup was rock solid.

Roger

In a hundred years, when there’s a million jerks riding around Manhattan drunk in limos, the west will seem like a paradise.