Roger quotes from American Dad!

Steve

Dollywood?

Roger

Dolly Parton's theme park! The rides give you the same experience as looking at her - fun from far way, but really scary up close. Anyway, it's on sale for $50 million.

Steve

You moron! You can't get $50 million for a kidney!

Roger

Would it hurt to say "Good idea, Roger" once in a while? [He pulls out a bottle of vodka from the tub.] This was to celebrate!

Steve

You mean Jenga?

Roger

Well, I think it's pronounced Henga, but if you wanna crap all over the Spanish language, go ahead.

Roger

[to Hayley] Oh, excuse me. Are you an ethicist? Are you? Is there an ethicist in the house?

I'm a ethicist.

Roger

Well, screw you! I'm Kevin Bacon!

Steve

(whispering about the young child on the swing set) There he is!

Roger

That little feelings-hurter is about to eat crow! I'm going to rub his nose in my nose!

Mommy, look! It's the monster! (Roger gasps) The monster from the hit movie, Hollow Man!

Oh my god! It IS Kevin Bacon! Normally I'd chastise you for watching an R-rated movie, but Kevin Bacon is an American treasure! Even when he's playing an invisible rapist!

Stan

Damn it, Roger! He's getting away! [the train passes, revealing that Jeff is still there] Why didn't you run for it?

Jeff

You wanna know why? Because I didn't think of it. [blows into a flute] Oh, Seamus McPherson, present yourself! [nothing happens] GOD! WHERE'S MY LEPRECHAUN!?! [another train appears and Jeff hops on the caboose]

Stan

Great. Well Roger, I guess it's just you and me. [cocks Roger's shotgun, then shoots the front wheel of Roger's motorcycle] And now it's just me.

Roger

Wait! How will I get out of here?

Stan

Try jogging, you gross bowling pin! [drives off and suddenly a leprechaun appears next to Roger]

You flute me?

Roger

Huh? Oh, no. That was Jeff. He hopped on a train.

Oh. Jeff, huh? Well, you tell your boy this still counts as one. He got two left. [heads into a bush, then swats a bug on his neck]. Mm, they love me. [disappears into a bush]

Roger

Horse Renoir, bounty hunter! Born in the bayou. Some say the hell-spawn of a prostitute and a whore. Other say...

Stan

Shut up!

Roger

Rude.

Roger

[after escaping from a burning barn] Ah, you know what I meant to ask you? How did we get out of there?

Stan

I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft.

Roger

I never saw Backdraft.

Stan

Me either.

Roger

Why do my wrists hurt?!

Stan

Because you're lying on them.

Roger

How can you hear what I'm thinking?

That'll be $147.

Roger

What? Where are we gonna get that kind of money?

Stan

We could turn in Jeff!

Roger

I thought Jeff was innocent.

Stan

[gasp] We gotta save Jeff!

Oh, we're so glad to have you, Hayley. I know it's not easy to pose nude.

Maybe for some people. But I am a proud and evolved woman. And I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Roger

Nnnice... (Waves/smiles)

Hayley

(Gasps, covers herself)

Roger

Madam, please, uncover yourself! Does anyone have Areola Pink? I've only got one tube...

Steve

Snot, remember that time I gave you half an orange?

Snot

Yeah.

Steve

Well, then let me put a firecracker up your ass!

Klaus

No, I don't remember you remember you giving me half an orange, so no, you can't.

Steve

Why does everybody hate me so much?!

Roger

Hey, guess what? I'm flame retardant.

Steve

Can I blow you up with firecrackers?

Roger

I don't see why not.

Steve

Awesome!

Steve

I will now recklessly blow up my cousin, Roger.

Steve

For good measure, I'm gonna set the whole thing off with this. The Finger Blaster.

フィンガーブラスターほど女の子を夢中にさせるものはありません。[Japanese to English translation: Nothing gets a girl going quite like a Finger Blaster.]

Steve

Ah! My thumb! I blew off my thumb!

Barry

We're gonna get in trouble! Ruuuuun!

Roger

Okay, golden opportunity. Say "Charlie, they took my thumb." [beat] Eric Roberts, Pope of Greenwich Village. You're a lot of fun.

Stan

There was a Space War?

Roger

Space War?! No no. I fought in the Viet Cong in the late sixties. I've told you that story, right? Well the end of it is we won.

I'm glad to be your first. And I...shall become...more powerful...THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! [dies]

Stan

What did he mean by that?

Roger

Eh, who cares, he's dead.

[gives Stan a corn-dog] I know it's just a corn-dog, but you'll never forget it. [exits as Stan eats the corn-dog, then reappears in the background] Where'd I park my car?

Steve

Ok you win, just do it already!

Klaus

Do what?

Roger

Get your revenge!

Steve

The water slide? the practical joke?

Klaus

Ohh yes, I had forgotten...

Roger

GOOD, good... us too.

Klaus

But now that you reminded me...the humiliation I suffered that day will not go unpunished! My pain is the bubbling cauldron of molten steel that will forge the saber of your demise! I SHALL NOT BE DENIED MY VENGEANCE...HAHAHAHAHA

Roger

[covers the fishbowl with a stack of books] Huh, wonder why we didn't think of that NINE months ago.

Roger

OK. Send me Steve. Dance for me.

Roger

Mm hm. OK. OK, that's enough. I've got what I need. You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've... I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace.

Roger

If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the like of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo.

Francine

OK, I think that's enough, Roger.

Stan

Honey, no. It's good for the both of them.

Roger

I can envision millions of Americans and rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck. [at his feet] Oh yeah, that's the stuff