Roger quotes from American Dad!, page 5 ... TV Quotes Database

Roger

As a married woman, your only options for a friend are: fat woman, cat, gay guy, or food.

S9 Can I Be Frank (With You)

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Roger

[as Jeff blows his whistle] Is that the "Come Back and Kick Me" whistle?

S9 Why Can't We Be Friends?

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Roger

GO. THE HELL. TO FRANCE!!

S9 Finger Lenting Good

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[Roger about to contact his home planet to let them pick him up]

Roger

Do I have to go? My planet is freezing cold, there's no booze and sex is so boring up there, it's all consensual.

S9 Naked to the Limit, One More Time

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Roger

[whispering] Space rape.

S9 Spelling Bee My Baby

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Roger

Okay, So this ship...is just one big shopping mall?

S9 Lost in Space

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[having witnessed footage of a scary ghost version of Francine]

Roger

[to a recorder] 3:43. Just peed myself. [pauses, then continues] Asparagus.

S9 E2 Poltergasm

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Roger

[after hitting Steve in the head (Roger's) with a vase] Aw, I shouldn't have hit him in the face. That's my face.

S9 E12 Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses

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[after his last attempt to remove the wine stain from the couch has failed, Roger lights a match and sets it on fire]

Roger

[leaves the den] We need a new couch!

S9 E17 Rubberneckers

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Roger

I'd have to be a cold-blooded sociopath not to put on this boy and walk him around the block

S12 A Star is Reborn

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Klaus (uneasily): So...what happened back there?

Roger (eerily calm, flat voice): We went to the mall and had pizza because that's what Dylan likes.

Hayley (picks up the Dream Phone, which is now covered in blood): Why is there blood on the Dream Phone?

Roger (still eerily calm): He likes malls, and pizza, and me.

Steve (opens the bag on his lap): Uh, Roger, w-what's in this jar?

Roger

Dylan was being bad. (smiles evilly): And now we have the jar. (Turns on the radio, which starts playing The Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited", while Klaus, Haley and Steve look terrified in the back seat)

S13 Anchorfran

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Roger

Without the crisscross, I'm just some guy yelling "applesauce."

S13 Criss Cross Applesauce: The Ballard of Billy Jesusworth

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Roger

Stan, I can't blow this guy in front of all these people.

S13 Criss Cross Applesauce: The Ballard of Billy Jesusworth

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Roger

[on putting a Trans Am engine in a power washer] I souped it up with a little alien tech. By alien, I mean "Detroit". (to the audience, as patriotic music plays): Let's turn this country around. Let's make things again.

S13 Mine Struggle

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Roger

Not used to holding a tool with that kind of power, Stan? I'm kidding. I've seen yours while you were sleeping. It's great.

S13 Mine Struggle

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