All That Season 1 quotes

[to Kenan, after getting amnesia due to a concussion from a falling spotlight] "'Josh'. 'Josh'. Why does everyone keep calling me 'Josh'? My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle...you lout." "'Lout'? Who you callin' a 'lout'?"

[to Katrina Johnson] "Hey, what's a lout?"

"I don't know. But he's Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."

Lori Beth Denberg

"Well, ever since he got hit on the head, he thinks he's an English gentleman from the 18th century."

"Oh, c'mon; cut it out, Josh. This isn't funny."

"Gentlepeople! I must ask you to refrain from calling me by this...'Josh'. My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."

Lori Beth

"We gotta snap him outta this before the show starts."

"Yeah; he's in the first scene."

[to Katrina] "Ah, good lady, I beg your pardon. But the only appointment on my schedule today is for afternoon tea. I'm meeting Lord Worcestershire at 4 PM this very day."

"Oh, he's been goin' off the deep end; see, somethin' wrong. Somethin' wrong."

"Hi, everybody!"

"'Manda!" [They fist-bump]

Lori Beth

"Hi, Amanda, hi."

"Oh; what a delightful young cherub." [He kneels before Amanda]

"What's with him?"

"He got hit in the head with a light. Now he thinks he's Lord Fruitcake of Freakspit."

Hi, everyone...it's time for "Ask Ashley"...

That's me! I'm Ashley, and I'm back to answer more of your letters. Our first letter comes from...Claudia Thomas, of Clear Lake, Iowa. Claudia writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I live in a 2-story house, and my room is upstairs. Every morning, when it's time to go school, I jump out the window. So far, I've broken my leg 17 times. Do you have any helpful suggestions for me?". Well, Claudia, I do have a little suggestion for you. USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! THE STAIRS, EINSTEIN!

I'm Claudia, and I jump out the window, because blah-dee-blah-dee...

...BLAH! JUST USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! MAN! ARE YOU SURE YOU BROKE YOUR LEG?! BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD AND BROKE YOUR STINKIN' BRAIN!

Our next letter comes from...Mary Schmid, of Butler, Pennsylvania. Mary writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, for some reason, people never pay any attention to me. No one seems to care about me, or anything I have to say. How come everybody always ignores me?".

Our next letter comes from...Eugene Blaine, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Eugene writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I smell bad. Every day, I seem to smell worse and worse. And I get dirtier and dirtier. Even my own grandmother says I stink like bad things. What should I do?". Eugene, come here. Closer, closer, a little bit closer...

TAKE A STINKIN' BATH! FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, JUST WASH YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU MAKE ME AND EVERYONE ELSE SICK! BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A TRIP TO CLEAR LAKE, IOWA, GO OVER HER CLAUDIA THOMAS'S HOUSE, STAND OUTSIDE UNDER HER SECOND-STORY WINDOW; THAT WAY, WHEN SHE JUMPS OUT, SHE'LL HAVE SOMETHING SOFT AND STUPID TO LAND ON!

Well, that's all the advice I have for you today. Buh-bye, everybody.

Hi, everyone...it's time for "Ask Ashley"...

That's me! Hi, I'm Ashley, and I'm here to answer your letters. Our first letter comes from...Scott Raileanu, of Memphis, Tennessee. Scott writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, sometimes I like to drink orange juice. Sometimes, I like apple juice. And sometimes, I like grape juice. What do you think of that, Ashley?". What do I think? WELL, I THINK YOU'RE STINKIN' BORING! LIKE I GIVE A FLYING CUPCAKE WHAT KINDA JUICE YOU DRINK?! MAN! Here's a thought...STOP DRINKING SO MUCH STINKIN FRUIT JUICE...and give a rounda sound for our special musical guest, Tony! Toni! Toné!! MAN!

"Ya can't beat chocolate."

"'Ya can't beat chocolate'. Randoo, I'm worried about ya. Look here, kid, you've been eatin' chocolate all your life, and all you've got to show for it is A NEW CROPPA ZITS! I'M WORRIED ABOUT YA! PRETTY SOON, YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP SUNDAY MORNING, AND IF YOU'RE STEALIN' GRANDMA'S BRANDLE MINTS OUT OF HER CANDY DISH, YOU'RE GONNA END UP IN REHAB, A CHOCOHOLIC!! "

Hey, Connie!

Hello; I'm Connie Muldoon!

I know. Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger; can I take your order?

Yes; I would like to try your new Good Good Good Good Burger!

Sorry; we don't serve that here.

Oh; yes ya do!

'Fraid not.

Oh; 'fraid so! Look! Look, the writing on that sign, see? See all the hoopla? See? The Good Good Good Good Burger! The burger with four meat patties!

Oh, who's Patty?

No...meat patty!

Where is she?

Who?

Patty.

There is no Patty!

Then how can I meet her?

No, cabbage pot! I'm talking about meat patties!

So, you wanna meet Patty.

No! Four meat patties! Four, four four!

444 meat patties to go!

Well, you're screwy; I'm exiting!

Oh, hey; say hi to Patty!

Screwy! (She leaves)

[wails] You hurt my spaceship! [wails again]

Oh, nice goin', Thumtax! You made our little captain cry!

You, you fired lasers at me, and I'm just a little girl!

I--I'm sorry. How was I supposed to know that your captain was a little girl? I'm sorry, lil' Cap'n. I didn't mean to harm your ship; I--what can I do to make you feel better, sweetie?

[sniffles] Lower your shields.

But, I-- [Tantrum wails] All right. Lower shields.

Shields down.

[to Captain Tantrum] All right, dear; our shields are down. Is that better?

"I guess so. [to Singo and Officer Canker] FIRE MAIN LASERS!

[sings] Firin' lasers!

[screams, in the destruction of her ship]

[singing] Captain, that was brilliant; Captain, that was brilliant!

Status report, Officer Canker.

Alien ship dee-stroyed.

Excellent! Take us out of here, Singo. Heading 2614, mark 2.

But, but, Captain, we're supposed to be heading to Jupiter. That mark will take us directly to some place called...Happy...Toyland...

Soooo?

We don't have time to go to Happy Toyland...no...

BUT I WANNA GO TO HAPPY TOYLAND! I WANNA GO TO HAPPY TOYLAND!... Porkus II?! That planet is entirely inhabited by...Pigginoids!

Pigginoids?! No! I was harmed and taunted by Pigginoids when I was a little girl!

[singsong] No one cares... Hey! You aliens! This is Captain Tantrum, of the U. S. S. Spaceship! ♪Whatcha doin'?♪

[Tricia Dickson; a Pigginoid alien, from the planet Porkus II] "I am Swinestein, leader of the Pigginoid ship!"

I won! I won!

Whoa, you one?

Yes!

Well...you look so much older.

Um...yeah. Anyway, I have a winning ticket here, for one free Good Meal!

One free Good Meal! That'll be eight bucks.

No...you're not supposed to charge me money.

Well, then, give me your watch!

No! Look; you don't understand.

No, I don't understand.

Exactly; now, pay attention. See your signs? Good Burger's having a contest with Scratch & Win tickets. Now, I scratched off my ticket, and it says I get one free Good Meal...

[looks at a customer's winning ticket, which Ed claimed was for $5,000] "Aw, for the love of decimals, Ed, this says he won 50¢! 50¢, not 5,000!"

[to a customer] Complaint Department. Whatcha doin'?

[southern accent] Well, I have a complaint...

Is...that your complaint?

No.

If you have no complaint, I must ask you to go home.

Well, I certainly do have a complaint.

Well, make up your mind! Do you have a complaint?

Yes; I bought this here mini vacuum cleaner. But I wanted a blue one, like on the box...and they gave me this here red one, surely by mistake.

Well, if I were you, I'd take it right back to the store where I bought it.

That is precisely what I'm doin'. I would like to trade this here red one for a blue one.

"I'm Detective Dan! Everybody up against the wall, and nobody move!"

"Um...Detective Dan...how are we supposed to get up against the wall without moving?"

"I'm Detective Dan."

"That explains nothing."

"Question number 5...blippity-blippity-booty-loo, blippity-blippity-moo."

"Wait, did you just say 'blippity-blippity-booty-loo, blippity-blippity-moo'?"

"That is correct; now, what is your answer?"

"Uh...meatloaf?"

"74!"

"Is it a...kangaroo?"

"Ooooo, WRONG! I'm sorry; the answer was 'meatloaf.'"

"But, I said 'meatloaf'! Didn't y'all hear Antoine say 'meatloaf'?!"

"Yup, he said 'meatloaf'."

"But, I didn't hear him. Sorry."

"Now, our categories are...movies, famous forks, trousers, and things that go 'moo'."

Excuse me; before we start, can you even play the bass?

WAAAAAAAW!

Hi, people. I'm Winter Wonders, and this is the game show called "What Do You Do?", where our panel tries to figure out what some kid does.

Now, let's meet our panel from Dullmont Junior High School...Principal Pimpell...Miss Fingerly...Coach Kreeton...

Dahhhhh!

...and...Kevin? You're not from Dull Junior High.

I'm not wearing any pants.

Dah! Now, why does Coach Kreeton have to sit next to Kevin, huh? Oh, that's nasty! That's just nasty! What's Coach Kreeton gonna do?! What's Coach Kreeton gonna do?! OH, oh, oh, OH!!

Okay, let's bring on our first contestant, Kalie Lipp.

Hi, Winter Wonders!

Okay; now, remember, Kalie, if any of the panelists cannot guess what you do, you win Barbara's New Fresno Dream Hut!

Wow, I'd love to have that hut!

Yeah; wouldn't ya just? Now, let's tell the audience at home what Kalie does.

Kalie...licks lobsters.

The first guess is...Principal Pimpell.

Principal William Baines Pimpell! Now, Kalie, as principal of Dullmont Junior High School, I'd like to ask you this question. Does what you do...have anything to do...with the nasty, bulbous pimple on m'forehead?

Uh...no.

My turn, my turn!

Ahhhh!

Kalie...does what you do have anything to do...with the nasty, bulbous pimple on Principal Pimpell's forehead?

I said, "No".

Now, Miss Fingerly, if you had listened...you would know that I had already posed...that question, prior to what you were saying.

Why won't that pop?

Coach Kreeton, your guess.

Oh, yeah! All right, now, let me get this straight...if, uh, Coach Kreeton guesses what Kalie-Kalie does, then little Kalie-Kalie doesn't get the pink, pretty dollhouse!

That's right!

Hehe...hehe...hehe...goo-oo-ood. All right, now, Kalie! Do whatcha do...have anything to do...with my sad, miserable life?!

Uh, no.

Your guess, Kevin.

No! No! Let me go again! Let me go again! I'll do it! (Grabs Kevin by the head)

I pass to Coach Kreeton.

Goo-oo-ood...(Lets go of Kevin) Now, Kalie...do you...lick lobsters?

Correct!

Oh, yeah! [to Kalie]: How does it feel, to be a loser, like Coach Kreeton?! Me a loser; now, you a loser! Ha-ha-ha!

But I wanted to win Barbara's Fresno Dream Hut.

Sorry!

Whoa! No more dolly hut! No more dolly hut! **