Lori Beth Denberg quotes from All That

Lori Beth Denberg

You *won't* impress the school principal by telling him, You're a pretty school principal...pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty; yes, you are....

Lori Beth Denberg

Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming, "Hey, look who's got your sandwich now!". When you cough something up, never take it to school and tell people it's your new friend...Robert. Don't pour soup on yourself and then run around shouting, "HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME; I'M...SOUPGIRL!" Never put glue on a cow and then taunt him by saying, "Sticky cow, sticky cow; WOO-OO, sticky cow!"

Lori Beth Denberg

Never take a taco, sit on it, and then run around screaming, "HEY; LOOK AT THE TACO STAIN ON MY BUTT!".

Lori Beth Denberg

If you're lucky enough to have a hammer...please...don't hammer in the mornin. It's not safe to ride your bike with no hands. It's impossible to ride your bike with no rear end. One potato, two potato, three potato, four. I rode a bike that had no seat, and now my butt is sore. When it rains, it pours. When it snows...it's cold. If you have a friend who says, "I'm a little gumdrop, and I like to push my face into things that are sharp and pointy"...then you've got one weird friend. If you're on TV, giving out vital information, and your phone rings...don't answer it. It's not...okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants. If you're on a first date with someone, never stick your finger in their spaghetti, twirl it, and holler, "Lookit, date; I'm makin' s'ghetti circles!". Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder...how in the world that song ever became so popular. There's no real reason to play basketball naked. If your first name is Wally, and your middle name is Wally, and your last name is Woo, then your name is...WALLY WALLY WOO!" If your first name is Brucifer, and your middle name is Yaptiddy, and your last name is Magoogoo, then CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR FULL NAME IS BRUCIFER YAPTIDDY MAGOOGOO! When you're checking out at the grocery store, never say 'Oh, I don't need any bags. I just stick the food in my pants!.

Lori Beth Denberg

Homework...bad. Pizza...'good'. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. [Long pause] No one cared. Ice cream tastes good. Armpits taste bad. If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be...this olllld burrito! It's a bad idea to put bacon on your face, and then run around screaming, LOOK AT ME; I'M PORKBOY, THE BREAKFAST MONKEY!. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When left in the sun, mayonnaise grows hair. Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy you...PORKBOY, THE BREAKFAST MONKEY!

Lori Beth Denberg

It's nice to stop and smell the flowers. It's weird to stop and smell...this olllld burrito! If you smell smoke in your house, yell Fire!. If you smell smoke in your pants, yell 'Why am I smelling my pants?!". If your Mom's friend comes over with her new baby, don't say, Help me, Mama; that's one lousy baby!. If you have a pizza delivered, it's nice to tip the pizza man a dollar. It's not nice to say, Hey, thanks for the pizza...now, could you help me put it in my pants?. If you look under your arm, and find a big glob of mayonnaise...then NEVER, EVER, EVER COME NEAR ME! If your friend's Mom asks you what you'd like to drink, don't say Oh, nothing. My mouth's fulla spit. The early bird gets the worm. Fine! I don't want the worm!" Never put underwear on your head, and say to people, 'I'm little Nancy, and this my pretty new hat. It is better to sit there and look stupid...than it is to stand up, open your mouth, and announce, "HEY, I'M DEFINITELY STUPID!" If you like wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm extremely stupid"...well, then, you're extremely stupid. Girls...it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish, and then people you've invented the "double-cup aquarium".

Lori Beth Denberg

It's rude to talk with your mouth full. It's even ruder to blow your nose in your sister's pants".

Lori Beth Denberg

When eating pizza, it's good to yell at the top of your lungs, "I JUST LOVE-A THE PIZZA PIE! I JUST LOVE-A THE PIZZA PIE!". How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood'? Ya know, I...couldn't care less. If you throw up on a crowded elevator, try yelling, "Oh, I just shouldn't have eaten the pizza pie".

Lori Beth Denberg

Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care. Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care. Jimmy got hit with a melon...and I still don't care. What goes up must come down. What goes up your nose...must get gooey. Contrary to popular belief, Jack Sprat can eat fat. Ya just gotta hold Jack down, and shove that fat down his throat! 10 million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth. 10 minutes ago, I ruled the women's restroom. (It would actually be more appropriate to say something like, "10 million years ago, horses ruled the Earth", since the dinosaurs had become extinct 55 million years earlier; see The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs and Prehistoric Animals: A Visual Who's Who of Prehistoric Life, 3rd edition [©2013] by Prof. Barry Cox et al., and edited by Dr. Douglas Palmer, for details) If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you can't stand being dressed, stay out of your pants. Step on a crack, and break your mother's back. Step on a rusty nail, and you'll go, 'WHOOOOOOOA!!'".

Lori Beth Denberg

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. Who's this guy Moe, and why is he so eenie, meenie, and miney? It is better to have loved and lost...than to have your face licked by circus clowns. If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. If I had an arm growing out of my head, I'd be Armhead McGhee, private detective. It's a weird thing to sit in a pot of boiling water, and then shout, "Hey, everybody! Come have a bowl of chicken noodle me"!

"So, Lori Beth, have you been a good girl this year?"

Lori Beth

"Hmmm, no."

"Bye-bye!"

Lori Beth

"Seeya, Santa."

Guys...guys...listen up. Has anybody met Amanda yet?

You mean Amanda, our new cast member?

I'm afraid so.

Alisa Reyes

Wait second; what's wrong with Amanda?

Well, let's just say, she's way too happy and perky.

Lori Beth Denberg

Oh, I hate happy and perky.

Hi-hi, everyone, it's me, Amanda!

What's, what's up?

I just wanted to tell y'all how happy and perky I am to be joining the cast of All That. We're all gonna have such fun.

Oh, I'm sure we are.

Okay, everybody; gather 'round.

Aw, c'mon, Goldilocks.

Lori Beth Denberg

Uh, look, Amanda; nothing personal, but...we don't like to gather.

Oh, Lori Beth, you are so funny.

Lori Beth Denberg

Don't you forget it.

C'mon, you guys; I have something for all of you. Now, for the boys, I made you all a bunch of oatmeal and raisin cookies.

Oh, cookies!

And for the girls, stuffed animals! Lori Beth, I got you a bear, and for Alisa, a tiger. And for Katrina, a pretty pink bunny. Isn't he just too cute?

Way...too cute.

Five minutes! Show starts in five minutes! Oh, I see you've all met our new cast member, Amanda. Isn't she all happy and perky? I just know she's gonna fit right in. Oh, a bunny!

Amanda gave it to me.

Alisa

I got a tiger.

Lori Beth Denberg

Bear.

Cookies.

What wonderful gifts. I enjoy gifts.

Oh, Kevin; you didn't think I'd forget you, did you?

You got me a present?

Of course.

Give it...

I can't take too much more of her.

Lori Beth

She makes me queasy.

Even her cookies are too sweet.

You just don't like her 'cause she's all sweet and kindly. You know, we could all learn a thing or two from Amanda; that's what I say.

And this is for Kevin.

Chair!

A very special chair for a very special stage manager...

Oh, it's so comfy. My rear feels all happy. You know, I do need to relax now and then, you know...what's this red button right here?

Gee, I don't know. Why don't you push it?

Alrighty.

Adios, sucker.

You did that on purpose, didn't you?

Uh-huh.

Amanda? Just have one thing to say...welcome to the cast!

[to Kenan, after getting amnesia due to a concussion from a falling spotlight] "'Josh'. 'Josh'. Why does everyone keep calling me 'Josh'? My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle...you lout." "'Lout'? Who you callin' a 'lout'?"

[to Katrina Johnson] "Hey, what's a lout?"

"I don't know. But he's Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."

Lori Beth Denberg

"Well, ever since he got hit on the head, he thinks he's an English gentleman from the 18th century."

"Oh, c'mon; cut it out, Josh. This isn't funny."

"Gentlepeople! I must ask you to refrain from calling me by this...'Josh'. My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."

Lori Beth

"We gotta snap him outta this before the show starts."

"Yeah; he's in the first scene."

[to Katrina] "Ah, good lady, I beg your pardon. But the only appointment on my schedule today is for afternoon tea. I'm meeting Lord Worcestershire at 4 PM this very day."

"Oh, he's been goin' off the deep end; see, somethin' wrong. Somethin' wrong."

"Hi, everybody!"

"'Manda!" [They fist-bump]

Lori Beth

"Hi, Amanda, hi."

"Oh; what a delightful young cherub." [He kneels before Amanda]

"What's with him?"

"He got hit in the head with a light. Now he thinks he's Lord Fruitcake of Freakspit."

Lori Beth

[singing] "Christmastime is fun and jolly..."

[singing] "Dibby dobby doo, da da da da..."

Lori Beth

[singing] "Kiss the ham, and say, 'Oh, golly!'..."

[singing] "Dibby dobby doo, da da da da..."

Lori Beth

[singing] "Sniff your goose, and roast your chestnuts..."

[Kenan and Kel; in the audience, mocking] "Dibby dobby doo, da da da..."

[normal voices] "...shut up!"

Lori Beth

"Hey; we're trying to sing a song..."

[he and Mavis come up onstage] "Tryin'" is right!"

"Uh-huh; tryin' and failin' ..."

Alisa

"Oh, and I suppose you two can do any better?"

"Nope."

"But our nephews sure could."

"Oh, yeah; well, who's your nephews?"

"Well, they're around here somewhere."

"Run...DMC!"

"Jay!"

Lori Beth

"Run DMC?"

"They're your nephews?"

"Well, you see, Run is the grandnephew of my cousin Gertris."

"And DMC...he's my next-door neighbor's brother's chiropractor."

"And we don't know who Jay is, but he looks like a fine young man."

"Now, if we're gonna have some Christmas singin', I suggest we let Run DMC do it."

"Word up; we're gonna take that Christmas song and flip it to our style."