Hi, everyone...it's time for "Ask Ashley"...
That's me! I'm Ashley, and I'm back to answer more of your letters. Our first letter comes from...Claudia Thomas, of Clear Lake, Iowa. Claudia writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I live in a 2-story house, and my room is upstairs. Every morning, when it's time to go school, I jump out the window. So far, I've broken my leg 17 times. Do you have any helpful suggestions for me?". Well, Claudia, I do have a little suggestion for you. USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! THE STAIRS, EINSTEIN!
I'm Claudia, and I jump out the window, because blah-dee-blah-dee...
...BLAH! JUST USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! MAN! ARE YOU SURE YOU BROKE YOUR LEG?! BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD AND BROKE YOUR STINKIN' BRAIN!
Our next letter comes from...Mary Schmid, of Butler, Pennsylvania. Mary writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, for some reason, people never pay any attention to me. No one seems to care about me, or anything I have to say. How come everybody always ignores me?".
Our next letter comes from...Eugene Blaine, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Eugene writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I smell bad. Every day, I seem to smell worse and worse. And I get dirtier and dirtier. Even my own grandmother says I stink like bad things. What should I do?". Eugene, come here. Closer, closer, a little bit closer...
TAKE A STINKIN' BATH! FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, JUST WASH YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU MAKE ME AND EVERYONE ELSE SICK! BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A TRIP TO CLEAR LAKE, IOWA, GO OVER HER CLAUDIA THOMAS'S HOUSE, STAND OUTSIDE UNDER HER SECOND-STORY WINDOW; THAT WAY, WHEN SHE JUMPS OUT, SHE'LL HAVE SOMETHING SOFT AND STUPID TO LAND ON!
Well, that's all the advice I have for you today. Buh-bye, everybody.
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