Ashley quotes from All That

[starts to read a letter] "'Dear Ashley'...tha-a-at's me!"

"Our next letter comes from...Lisa Lillian, of Queens, New York. Lisa writes...'Dear Ashley'...thaaaat's me! 'Dear Ashley, my name is Lisa. I just bought a new sweater. It is green. Sincerely, Lisa.'"

"WHO STINKIN' CARES?! THIS IS CALLED ' ASK ASHLEY'! NOT ' BORE ASHLEY TO STINKIN' DEATH'!"

[mocking] "Gee, I'm Lisa Lillian, and I just bought a new sweater...it is green...I'm a moron..."

[normal voice] "...and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-BLAH!"

"Our final letter comes from...Nicole Lepou, of Paris, France. Nicole writes...'Dear Ashley'...thaaaat's me! ' Dear Ashley, je m'appelle Nicole, et je viens de France. Je en chez qui a dormant jour du j'en beau. Pourquoi un chat Entille, et le tant le j'en beau? ' "

[in unison] "Tha-a-at's me!"

"Hi, I'm Ashley, and I'm here to answer more of your letters. Our first letter comes from...Rachel Burzen, of Cleveland, Ohio. Rachel writes...'Dear Ashley'"...

"'Dear Ashley, there's this strange man who always stands in front of my class and talks about stuff. Sometimes, he makes us read. Other times, he makes us add stuff up, like numbers. Who is this strange man?". Well, Rachel, I think I can tell you who is strange man is. HE'S YOUR STINKING TEACHER! Your teacher, you dunderhead! And obviously, he's not a very good teacher, because YOU ARE A STINKING UNEDUCATED DOOFUS! MAN! Our next letter comes from...Benjamin Ross, of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Benjamin writes...'Dear Ashley'"...

"'Dear Ashley, there's this big bright ball of light in the sky above my house. I've tried all the light switches, but none of them seem to turn it off. Whenever I stare into it, my eyes hurt like the Dickens, whatever that means. Ashley, what is this huge ball of fire and light?'. Gee, Benji, I dunno...but maybe it's...THE STINKING SUN! The sun, you misguided monkey-boy! I think you stared at it so long that YOU MELTED YOUR STINKING BRAIN! Here's an idea; why don't you take your empty head over to Cleveland, Ohio, and borrow Rachel Burzen 's brain? SHE SURE AIN'T USIN' IT! MAN! Our next letter comes from...Ellis Hollen, of Glendale, California. Ellis writes...'Dear Ashley'"...

"'Dear Ashley, I left the door to my house wide open this morning and went to school. When I got home...all my stuff was gone. My TV, my stereo, my couch, my other TV...everything. Did all of my stuff turn invisible? Maybe it all just got up and ran away from home. Ashley, what do you think?'. What do I think? Well, Ellis, I think...YOU WERE STINKING ROBBED! 'BURGLED'! 'BETHIEVED'! RIPPED OFF! I ALSO THINK THAT YOU ARE DUMBER THAN THE STINKING COUCH THAT WAS STOLEN FROM YOU!"

[mocking] "I'm Ellis; whatever, and...I believe that all my stuff turned invisible. And blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-"

[normal voice] "...BLAH! Here's some advice. Why don't you ride your 'invisible bike' over to Pittsburgh, and pick up Benjamin Ross? He'll be the big lumpa stupid STARING INTO THE STINKING SUN! And then the two of you can head over to Cleveland, Ohio, and visit Rachel Burzen's 'mystery' teacher. Maybe you could teach her why...YOU ARE ALL...SUCH STINKING...IDIOTS! MAN! Well, that's all the advice I have for you today. Buh-bye, everybody!"

[in unison] "Thaaaat’s me!"

"Hi, I’m Ashley, and today, I’m here to answer your letters. Our first letter comes from…Lisa Lillian, of Encino, CA. Lisa writes, 'Dear Ashley'"…

“ 'Dear Ashley,

"Well, Lisa, your letter leads me to this question…WHO STINKIN’ CARES?! THIS IS CALLED ' ASK ASHLEY'; NOT ' BORE ASHLEY TO STINKIN’ DEATH'!"

Hi, everyone...it's time for "Ask Ashley"...

That's me! I'm Ashley, and I'm back to answer more of your letters. Our first letter comes from...Claudia Thomas, of Clear Lake, Iowa. Claudia writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I live in a 2-story house, and my room is upstairs. Every morning, when it's time to go school, I jump out the window. So far, I've broken my leg 17 times. Do you have any helpful suggestions for me?". Well, Claudia, I do have a little suggestion for you. USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! THE STAIRS, EINSTEIN!

I'm Claudia, and I jump out the window, because blah-dee-blah-dee...

...BLAH! JUST USE THE STINKIN' STAIRS! MAN! ARE YOU SURE YOU BROKE YOUR LEG?! BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD AND BROKE YOUR STINKIN' BRAIN!

Our next letter comes from...Mary Schmid, of Butler, Pennsylvania. Mary writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, for some reason, people never pay any attention to me. No one seems to care about me, or anything I have to say. How come everybody always ignores me?".

Our next letter comes from...Eugene Blaine, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Eugene writes, "Dear Ashley"...that's me! "Dear Ashley, I smell bad. Every day, I seem to smell worse and worse. And I get dirtier and dirtier. Even my own grandmother says I stink like bad things. What should I do?". Eugene, come here. Closer, closer, a little bit closer...

TAKE A STINKIN' BATH! FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, JUST WASH YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU MAKE ME AND EVERYONE ELSE SICK! BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A TRIP TO CLEAR LAKE, IOWA, GO OVER HER CLAUDIA THOMAS'S HOUSE, STAND OUTSIDE UNDER HER SECOND-STORY WINDOW; THAT WAY, WHEN SHE JUMPS OUT, SHE'LL HAVE SOMETHING SOFT AND STUPID TO LAND ON!

Well, that's all the advice I have for you today. Buh-bye, everybody.