[from outside] Hey, Tanners! It's us!
Oh, no. It's Trevor. Well, he wasn't invited.
Yeah, that never stops him.
I think just for a change of pace, I'll, hide in the kitchen. Ha! I kill us. [he goes to the kitchen]
He owes the Ochmoneks money.
I thought you said they were going out tonight.
They always go dancing on Saturdays.
Oh, hello. Hi. We were wondering if you knew where Jake went?
Oh, you're having a party. How interesting.
And we weren't invited? After having them over last night!
Now, now, Trevor, I'm sure the Tanners had a very good reason for stiffing us.
Well, it's not a party party.
Oh, you mean the party where you have to buy stuff?
But I will have a slab of that cake.
I'll get a couple of plates.
Thanks. Bring Raquel one too.
[Willie goes to the kitchen to meet ALF]
I'm sorry for the interruption.
No problem. I enjoy the challenge of avoiding those 2. It keeps me young.
Hey, Willie. Thanks for the party and everything. It's nice to know there's someone around to save me from myself.
[voiceover] Willie, I need a doggie bag.
[voiceover] Raquel, don't go in there.
[Willie goes out the kitchen to stop Raquel from seeing ALF]
Hi, what does E-N-N-U-I spell?
Then what do we send you to school for?
Can I see the mail? I'm expecting to hear from the matchbook people on how well I drew Binky.
Occupant. Resident. Lingerie catalog Kate, you saucy vixen, you! Uh oh.
They didn't like your "Binky"?
Worse! It's from that college Lynn wants to go to.
It's in Massachusetts. If she goes there, she won't live here.
Than what are you holding?
Mail. I'm a terrible liar.
Wait. What does E-N-N-U-I, spell?
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! That's absolutely correct. No need to go to college.
[takes the mail from ALF] Give that to me. Oh my god! It's here! Cross your fingers everybody!
Alright! This is fantastic! I can't believe it! I've got to call Laurie. [runs off]
[ALF wakes up in the middle of the night and wakes up Willie and Kate]
[clears throat] Now that you're up, could I see the two of you in the living room?
[Kate groans]
ALF, we're tired now. We wanna go to sleep.
Fine, but I don't know how you two can sleep considering what's in the living room.
[Willie and Kate come inside the living room and see many newspapers that ALF made]
Newspapers, Willie. Get with it!
Perhaps I should explain. Please do!
No, let me guess. You're a newspaper boy.
We prefer the term, "Paper Person." It's gender-neutral.
Do you actually believe, that you can afford someone through college with a paper route?
No. That's why I got 10 paper routes.
10 paper routes, there must be 500 papers here.
Actually, 501. They gave me an extra copy by mistake. [chuckles]
ALF, you can't deliver newspapers.
Sure I can! You haven't seen my throwing arm. [Willie grabs the newspaper] Willie, I can't throw you and the newspaper. [Willie takes the newspaper away from him]
Did I ever tell you guys about Thanksgiving on Melmac?
Thanksgiving on Melmac wasn't called Thanksgiving. It was called Fappiano. And we didn't eat turkey. Instead, we sat down to a nice, big, juicy, stuffed-
Time out! We know exactly what you're gonna say, ALF. And you know that we find that offensive.
Cat! Big, juicy, stuffed, cat.
But now we'll never know, will we? I was always partial to the dark meat.
[picks up the covered empty turkey] Something's wrong here. This, this turkey feels so light.
Well, you have been working out.
[stops ALF from leaving] Hold it right there, mister. Willie, he ate our Thanksgiving turkey. Raw.
That is the worst thing you have ever done.
Willie, every time you say that, it loses a little more impact.
Tradition! On Fappiano, you ate from the time you got up until all the presents were opened. Incidentally, I didn't see any presents under the Fappiano tree. I didn't even see a tree!
I'll, uh...I'll try to find another turkey.
And don't forget the tree! And the presents!
There will be no tree. There will be no presents. I don't think there will even be a turkey. [leaves]
This is gonna be some Fappiano.
[arrives at the house and gets ready to meet ALF] Hello. [ALF pretends to bark] There's, uh, no need to pretend. I'm not...gonna hurt you. And I'm sure you're not gonna...hurt me. [ALF pretends to bark again] Oh! It's okay. I'm friendly...so are you. [ALF whimpers] Look, I know you can talk. I heard ya.
Relax. I'm a friend of Willie's.
You're that bum who's been hanging around our trash cans.
Hey! Huh. Bums have friends.
I was talking to him just, a-a, a minute ago. [clears throat] About this tall, glasses, social worker.
Oh, well, he-he's the one who, [pause] told me to, [pause] come in here and, [pause] keep you company.
Willie told you about me?
Ah, well, not, specifically which planet you're from but, I figure it's a cold planet because of your fur. Your feet are suited to a muddy terrain. They're probably reddish-brown so that you'd, uh, blend in. Your large ears suggest a thin atmosphere that doesn't transmit sound waves very well. And the big nose indicates a scarcity of oxygen.
Hey! Watch the wisecracks about the schnoz.
Oh, uh, uh, sorry. No offense, uh, intended. It's a lovely schnoz.
Thank you. Yours is nice too.
Thank you. So, let's see. I'd, uh, I'd guess you were from planet [pause] K-171.
K-171? Oh, you mean Neesbeck. Hah! There's no intelligent life on Neesbeck!
I've been there. Their national bird is dust.
Well, then what planet are you from?
Melmac. But don't spread it around, okay?
Good. You have any idea what would happen if people found out about me?
Have you ever heard of the Alien Task Force?
Alien Task...Force? No, I don't believe I have. What do they do?
Well, they hunt down innocent aliens, and do bad, bad things to them.
[he and Brian come in the living room] Have you seen the peanut butter? ALF, who's that?
Oh, this is my new friend Pete Finnegan. Flakey, this is Brian Tanner and Jake Ochmonek.
Let he who is without flakiness cast the first stone.
ALF, you're not supposed to let strangers in the house.
Relax, Brian, the Flakemeister's not gonna tell anyone I'm an alien. He's a friend of Willie's.
Oh, yeah? You know Mr. Tanner?
Oh, yeah, sure. Very well. Matter of fact, this is his sweater.
What happened to your Thanksgiving dinner?
Uncle Rocky's still carvin' it. Come on, Brian, let's go spoil our appetites.
[leaves] Yeah...likewise.
[at the end, Flakey Pete leaves the Tanners' home]
Well, now, if you need anything, you got my card.
Oh, thanks, but I'll be fine.
Are you sure you can't stay?
Oh, thanks, ALF, but, no. I usually spend this time of year in Florida. Lots of rich widows with loose change and full of the holiday spirit.
[closes the door] Gee, I hope he keeps in touch.
I'm sure he will. He took our phone.
Kate, this lasagna looks really great!
Very well worth the interminable wait.
I asked you twice to stop doing that.
What? We're just having a pre-dinner chat.
You know what I mean. Rhyming everything I say.
No problem, Willie. Have it your way.
Kate?! [Kate enters] Kate, he's doing it again.
He's rhyming the last word of everything I say. Go ahead, ALF. [to Kate] He's been doing it all day! Now he's got me doing it!
[comes home, angry] What a creep! I never want to see him again! [she heads upstairs]
I guess Lynn and her boyfriend had a fight.
We should go see if she's all right. [she and Willie head upstairs]
Oh, sure. When Kate makes a rhyme, it's no big deal. [Willie stares at him, then leaves] Just for that, I'm eating your meal. [he takes Willie's lasagna]
[ALF comes in the kitchen with a razor while Willie is fixing a machine that has a banana peel inside]
Hey, Willie. When's the last time you changed the blades in this razor?
Oh, my razor is- [he grabs the razor from ALF and sees ALF's hair on it] Why were you shaving?
According to Shelley, women like clean-shaven men.
[he furiously looks too close at ALF's face] Don't ever touch anything that touches my face.
ALF! [comes in angrily] How could you do this to me?
I couldn't find my own roll-on.
I have got a date to go bowling with Donny Ducksworth, the geekiest guy in school, thanks to my brother, ALF.
That's what he told Donny when he called him on the phone.
[angrily] I DID NOT WANT TO!
Well, you said you liked the guy.
I said I liked Danny Duckworth. You called Donny his cousin.
Danny, Donny, Florence, Shelley, I'm getting a headache. I think I'll go lie down.
Hold it right there bro, I think you have one more phone call to make this thing straighten down out.
It's too late, Mom. Donny has already bought us matching bowling shirts.
That was my idea! I hope you like paisley!
