“Hey, Willie. When's the last time you changed...”

[ALF comes in the kitchen with a razor while Willie is fixing a machine that has a banana peel inside]

Hey, Willie. When's the last time you changed the blades in this razor?

Oh, my razor is- [he grabs the razor from ALF and sees ALF's hair on it] Why were you shaving?

According to Shelley, women like clean-shaven men.

[he furiously looks too close at ALF's face] Don't ever touch anything that touches my face.

ALF! [comes in angrily] How could you do this to me?

I couldn't find my own roll-on.

Lynn, what's wrong?

I have got a date to go bowling with Donny Ducksworth, the geekiest guy in school, thanks to my brother, ALF.

Your brother?

That's what he told Donny when he called him on the phone.

You wanted me to.

[angrily] I DID NOT WANT TO!

Well, you said you liked the guy.

I said I liked Danny Duckworth. You called Donny his cousin.

Danny, Donny, Florence, Shelley, I'm getting a headache. I think I'll go lie down.

Hold it right there bro, I think you have one more phone call to make this thing straighten down out.

It's too late, Mom. Donny has already bought us matching bowling shirts.

That was my idea! I hope you like paisley!

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