[in his first dream; inside a cage] Look at this. They've got me wired for cable. Let me see. Which was the button for a cheeseburger? [presses button] Ahhh! That's not it! [presses another button] Ahhh! I've got to label these buttons. [presses another button] Great. I wiped out half my childhood memories for celery! Hey, you! Come here.
How did you get out of your cage?
Sorry. I'll give you $5 to let me out. $10, if you clean the cage while I'm out.
Please! I've got to get out of here. I've got a family, I've got a life, I've got a cake in the oven!
MMan
You should've thought about that before exposing yourself, specimen ALF/1.
I'm not a specimen. I'm a spaceman. Get the teeth fixed, Boris. [presses button] I guess there's still no word from the governor. [ALF's first dream ends] Well, you're living in the Dark Ages, Willie or won't he?
[hosting his late-night talk show in his second dream] My, oh, my. We're having some fun tonight. Later on "Stupid Pet Tricks," you'll see a cat do a 50 foot dive into my mouth. Oh, I almost forgot. Say hello to Willie Tanner, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, babe. I want to thank you for bringing me on board after you fired Paul Shaffer.
Oh, you're welcome. Willie boy, he does it all, including my laundry. [he laughs as his second dream ends]
[goes to the bathroom and opens the shower to find ALF sitting down on the tub] ALF?
Welcome to ALF-catraz. How was the party tonight?
Oh, it was okay, I guess. Jake broke the pinata. Trevor bruised a couple of ribs diving for the candy. ALF, what are you doing?
When Melmacians try to drown our sorrows, we gravitate towards cheap imitation porcelain.
I'll have you know, this is expensive imitation porcelain.
Well, our spare stomachs open up. By the way, don't bother looking for your laxative on a rope.
Oh, you mean my soap on a rope?
[goes to the bathroom and gives his meal to ALF] Here you go, ALF
Oh, wow, you really are depressed.
I need something to wash this down. Got any ketchup?
Coming right up. Dad, we've got to do something about this.
You may not want to watch this, Willie.
Oh, I've seen you eat before, ALF.
[ALF slurps his entire meal as Willie and Lynn leave the bathroom]
[offscreen] Get out of this bathroom! I'm going to take a bath, and that's final! [door slams]
Fine! I'll go sulk in the kids' bathroom.
Before you do, ALF, could you come out here?
Sure, why not? It's not like I was born free to follow my heart, or anything.
[lights turns on]
WLWillie, Lynn, Brian, Jake, Larry, Dorothy, and Jody
Surprise!
I've been seen by a vicious snarling mob. [everyone talks at once] Hey, hey, wait a minute. I know this mob.
We've invited everyone who's ever met you.
How's it going Jake-o-Lantern?
Here's 4. I owe you one! [laughs]
Larry, my shrink! Nice to see you when I'm not wacko.
Grandma Dorothy, how's your much younger husband, Whizzer?
Citizen cane! Yeah! Nice to see you.
[laughs] What a kidder! Watch out for the lamp!
ALF, we wanted to show you your world isn't as limited as you thought.
It's not the same as going out and making new friends, but we hope it helps.
I couldn't ask for more. Where are the presents?
Presents? We gave you presents at Christmas and your birthday, and on St. Melmac's Day, which I really doubt was that big a holiday.
Hey, forget the presents. I guess it's enough that my friends and Dorothy, are here.
WKWillie, Kate, Lynn, Brian, Jake, Larry, Dorothy, and Jody
[giving ALF presents] Surprise!
Oh, boy! Friends with presents are the best kind of friends and Dorothy.
[from outside] Hey, Tanners! It's us!
Oh, no. It's Trevor. Well, he wasn't invited.
Yeah, that never stops him.
I think just for a change of pace, I'll, hide in the kitchen. Ha! I kill us. [he goes to the kitchen]
He owes the Ochmoneks money.
I thought you said they were going out tonight.
They always go dancing on Saturdays.
Oh, hello. Hi. We were wondering if you knew where Jake went?
Oh, you're having a party. How interesting.
And we weren't invited? After having them over last night!
Now, now, Trevor, I'm sure the Tanners had a very good reason for stiffing us.
Well, it's not a party party.
Oh, you mean the party where you have to buy stuff?
But I will have a slab of that cake.
I'll get a couple of plates.
Thanks. Bring Raquel one too.
[Willie goes to the kitchen to meet ALF]
I'm sorry for the interruption.
No problem. I enjoy the challenge of avoiding those 2. It keeps me young.
Hey, Willie. Thanks for the party and everything. It's nice to know there's someone around to save me from myself.
[voiceover] Willie, I need a doggie bag.
[voiceover] Raquel, don't go in there.
[Willie goes out the kitchen to stop Raquel from seeing ALF]
