[opens the door and sees Pete with ALF's package] Oh, hi, Pete.
PeteHi, Willie. Another package for ALF Tanner.
Pete
$29.95. You got off easy this time.
There you go. I'll see you.
Pete
Yeah. Probably this afternoon. [leaves]
Oh, ALF. I have a package and a lecture for you.
[comes to the living room for his package] How come those things always come in pairs? Oh boy! It came! [he and Willie fight over the box while ALF opens it]
Oh, ALF, what is it this time?
You're getting styrofoam all over the carpet.
Sorry. [he eats one of the styrofoam and spits it out] Yuck! They're stale.
Look! It's a ventriloquist's dummy.
I saw one of these little guys on TV. He was hilarious! [Lynn gives him his dummy] Come on, dummy, speak to me! Just my luck. He's a mute.
Flakey Pete
[arrives at the house and gets ready to meet ALF] Hello. [ALF pretends to bark] There's, uh, no need to pretend. I'm not...gonna hurt you. And I'm sure you're not gonna...hurt me. [ALF pretends to bark again] Oh! It's okay. I'm friendly...so are you. [ALF whimpers] Look, I know you can talk. I heard ya.
Flakey Pete
Relax. I'm a friend of Willie's.
You're that bum who's been hanging around our trash cans.
Flakey Pete
Hey! Huh. Bums have friends.
Flakey Pete
I was talking to him just, a-a, a minute ago. [clears throat] About this tall, glasses, social worker.
Flakey Pete
Oh, well, he-he's the one who, [pause] told me to, [pause] come in here and, [pause] keep you company.
Willie told you about me?
Flakey Pete
Ah, well, not, specifically which planet you're from but, I figure it's a cold planet because of your fur. Your feet are suited to a muddy terrain. They're probably reddish-brown so that you'd, uh, blend in. Your large ears suggest a thin atmosphere that doesn't transmit sound waves very well. And the big nose indicates a scarcity of oxygen.
Hey! Watch the wisecracks about the schnoz.
Flakey Pete
Oh, uh, uh, sorry. No offense, uh, intended. It's a lovely schnoz.
Thank you. Yours is nice too.
Flakey Pete
Thank you. So, let's see. I'd, uh, I'd guess you were from planet [pause] K-171.
K-171? Oh, you mean Neesbeck. Hah! There's no intelligent life on Neesbeck!
Flakey Pete
How do you know?
I've been there. Their national bird is dust.
Flakey Pete
Well, then what planet are you from?
Melmac. But don't spread it around, okay?
Flakey Pete
You can trust me.
Good. You have any idea what would happen if people found out about me?
Flakey Pete
I can't imagine.
Have you ever heard of the Alien Task Force?
Flakey Pete
Alien Task...Force? No, I don't believe I have. What do they do?
Well, they hunt down innocent aliens, and do bad, bad things to them.
Flakey Pete
How do you know?
Flakey Pete
Getting on my nerves.
[he and Brian come in the living room] Have you seen the peanut butter? ALF, who's that?
Oh, this is my new friend Pete Finnegan. Flakey, this is Brian Tanner and Jake Ochmonek.
Let he who is without flakiness cast the first stone.
Flakey Pete
Nice to meet you two.
ALF, you're not supposed to let strangers in the house.
Relax, Brian, the Flakemeister's not gonna tell anyone I'm an alien. He's a friend of Willie's.
Oh, yeah? You know Mr. Tanner?
Flakey Pete
Oh, yeah, sure. Very well. Matter of fact, this is his sweater.
What happened to your Thanksgiving dinner?
Uncle Rocky's still carvin' it. Come on, Brian, let's go spoil our appetites.
Flakey Pete
Nice to meet you both.
[leaves] Yeah...likewise.
[at the end, Flakey Pete leaves the Tanners' home]
Well, now, if you need anything, you got my card.
Flakey Pete
Oh, thanks, but I'll be fine.
Are you sure you can't stay?
Flakey Pete
Oh, thanks, ALF, but, no. I usually spend this time of year in Florida. Lots of rich widows with loose change and full of the holiday spirit.
Flakey Pete
Bye, Willie. Bye.
Flakey Pete
Bye-bye.
Flakey Pete
Bye, ALF. And thanks.
[closes the door] Gee, I hope he keeps in touch.
I'm sure he will. He took our phone.
ALF · 397 quotes
