Nicole Bristow quotes from Zoey 101

Quinn

Logan's such a jerk.

Nicole

A very cute jerk.

Zoey

Why would I spread rumors about myself?

Nicole

To trick us!

Zoey

Nicole!

Quinn

(scans bear) That jerk!

Zoey

What?

Quinn

Let's go!

Zoey

Well?

Quinn

That bear is broadcasting both audio and visual transmissions via broadband wavelengths to a remote digital receiver!

Nicole

I knew it! What does that mean?

Zoey

In English?

Quinn

There's a webcam in that bear!

Nicole

I knew it! Wait, I still don't know what that means.

Zoey

Hey, sushi's here!

Nicole

Thanks, Chase, we love the free sushi!

Chase

Look, girls, I don't know if I can keep hooking you up with all this free sushi. I think my boss is starting to get a little suspicious.

Zoey

Kazu?

Chase

Yeah, so listen, if anybody asks, just say...

Kazu

Aha! I knew it!

Chase

Kazu!

Kazu

You've been stealing all my sushi and giving it to these girls!

Chase

Uh, no, no, that's... that's not true.

Kazu

Yes, it is! I'm going to tell the Dean. And then you will be... And then you will be...

Zoey

Quinn, next card!

Kazu

Expelled! You will be expelled!

Chase

Expelled?!

Kazu

You're going to prison!

Nicole

No!

Zoey

I'm sorry, I panicked!

Chase

He's out cold.

Zoey

Oh, no, now, we're all gonna get expelled!

Chase

No, nobody's getting expelled!

Nicole

But he's gonna wake up eventually and tell the Dean what happened!

Chase

Yes, that's why we have to get rid of him!

Zoey

Let's tie him up and shove him in the closet!

Chase

Right! Then, late tonight, when everyone's asleep, we hot wire his car, and put Kazu in the trunk!

Zoey

We'll drive him... to Mexico!

Logan

Did she say, "Mexico"?

Michael

Si!

Nicole

But what if the Dean finds out?

Zoey

She has a point.

Chase

Hey... he didn't see who hit him!

Zoey

Right! We'll blame it all on... on... Logan!

Logan

Me?!

Chase

Okay! We'll blame the whole thing on Logan! Stealing the sushi, knocking out Kazu, everything!

Logan

They're gonna blame everything on me!

Michael

I heard.

Zoey

Okay, quick, let's tie up Kazu and shove him in the closet.

Nicole

I got the duct tape!

Logan

I gotta do something!

Michael

Ok, you go get the Dean.

Logan

I'm not gonna let Chase and those crazy girls frame me.

Michael

You go get em, man.

Chase

You gotta hide Elvis.

Nicole

Who's Elvis?

Chase

Our dog!

Zoey

Doesn't PCA have a rule against pets?

Chase

Yeah, that's why we've been hiding him in our room.

Michael

But our DA smelled a dog!

Chase

DA, short for Dorm Adviser.

Zoey

I know.

Chase

OK...that's short for okay

Zoey

Stop it!

Michael

Well, anyway, our DA's getting all suspicious.

Nicole

(crying) But this is the best school ever! They have a pool, cute boys, a beach across the street, and cute boys!

Zoey

I bet there are cute boys back in your school in Kansas.

Nicole

No, they're all dumb and gross.

Zoey

Hey, Quinn, did you hear the news? This is our last semester here.

Quinn

Can't talk. Plotting revenge.

Nicole

I'm going to miss her freakish ways. (cries again)

Nicole

You're just jealous because my dad owns a juice company!

Dana

What?!

Zoey

What?!

Nicole

I didn't know what to say!

Nicole

He really is awesome?

Chase

(sarcastically) Yeah, Logan's fantastic, just fantastic. Isn't he fantastic?

Zoey

I don't see why you have to pick on him all the time. Logan's not such a bad guy.

Nicole

Ooh. She's starting to like him.

Dana

Ya think?

Chase

What?! That's insane! It's insane, right Zoey?

Zoey

Yeah, I mean...

Chase

You mean what?

Zoey

I don't know. Maybe, I do like him...

Chase

Okay. I got to go.

Zoey

Where are you going?

Chase

To take a bath. What difference does it make?

Quinn

Did you know that female spiders eat their children?

Chase

Huh?

Quinn

Spiders aren't insects! They're arachnids! Did you know that elephant urine smells like licorice?

Chase

Oh, my God.

Quinn

Tell me about your first rash.

Chase

Zoey.

Zoey

Quinn.

Quinn

I'm curious. I have an extra toe. Wanna see?

Chase

MAKE IT STOP!

Quinn

Don't you guys want to see my extra toe?

No!

Dana

What's your problem?

Zoey

Remember when I said "Mark said yes". He said, "NO".

Nicole

NO!!!

Zoey

YES.

Nicole

YES.

Nicole

Yes, wait I'm confused.

Dana

Did he say "Yes" or "No"?

Zoey

He said, "No".

Dana

No, then why did you tell her he said, "Yes".

Zoey

Because I panicked.

Dana

You'd better go tell her the truth before she finds out.

Zoey

I can't. It'll break her heart. Her weird little heart.

And now back to "Grass: Nature's Carpet!"

Nicole

Okay, why are we watching this?

Nicole

Are you sure people are going to pay money to smash a watermelon with a bat?

Zoey

Of course, boys love to smash things.

Michael

It's true!

Chase

We do enjoy the smashing!

Dana

Tell that to Mr. Bermin when he sees what we've done to his baby.

Nicole

What do you think he'll say?

Zoey

He'll probably start with, "Give me my four-thousand dollars back!"

Dustin

Is it true?

Zoey

What?

Dustin

That you're going to get Drake Bell to perform at Spring Fling?

Dana

Sorry, but Drake's not coming.

Dustin

How come?

Nicole

His manager wants 5000 bucks.

Dustin

So get it.

Dana

(sarcastically) Sure, we can just get it from the 5000 dollar store.

Nicole

Just give me a minute.

What's she doing?

Zoey

Making oatmeal.

Nicole

(pukes)