I miss Logan's plasma screen.
Why couldn't his dad had've taken Logan away and left all the cool stuff? (Logan walks into the room) What's up, poor boy? (Chuckles)
LoganI hate my life.
Yeah, you've looked better.
What's wrong with your hair?
Logan
Juanita didn't fluff it. That's what's wrong with it.
Logan
The lunch lady. I used to pay her to blow dry and fluff my hair every morning, which is why I'd look so awesome. But now since my evil father closed my bank account, I can't pay her to do it anymore.
Logan
It is now.
Logan
There he is. What are you doing?
You were supposed to meet us at Sushi Rox.
I am, but I invited Gretchen, and she's a little late.
Logan
Oh, why'd you invite Gretchen?
'Cause she's my bud. I'll go see if I can find her in the hall.
Logan
What's wrong with him? Why can't he see that Gretchen's disgusting?
Tsk. Because she looks like Zoey.
Logan
Then Chase needs a psychiatrist.
Ah, give the boy a break.
Logan
Dude. Trying to replace a girl with another girl just 'cause they look alike, that's a little sick.
Logan
I'm not sick!
Then why do you take at least a hundred digital pictures of yourself every week?
Logan
'Cause I have movie star good looks.
See that? You're sicker than I thought.
Logan
I'm getting it. Why don't you come help me?
Because if I don't send this report in to Mr. Bender, I'm gonna get a 0. (tries to x-out) How do you close this webcam software?
Logan
Just click on the little box in the corner.
Logan
Well, just click somewhere!
Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.
I saw this in a prison movie.
Logan
We need to talk.
Okay, is, uh... (takes his backpack off and puts it down) everything all right?
Logan
You gotta quit hanging around with Gretchen.
Logan
She's disgusting!
Hey, well, don't hold back.
Come on, you know you wouldn't hang out with that girl in a million years if she didn't... (sighs)
If she didn't what? (Logan and Michael don't answer) If she didn't what? Just say it.
Logan
If she didn't look like Zoey.
(snorts twice) You guys are ridiculous.
I don't think we're ridiculous.
It's okay that you miss Zoey.
I don't miss Zoey. Okay, I haven't even thought about her since she left.
Logan
You're saying it's just a coincidence that Gretchen looks exactly like Zoey?
I don't even see a resemblance.
(scoffs) Everybody thinks they look alike!
Logan
And that's why you're hanging out with her! She's your little "Zoey replacement," and that's a little bit sick.
Logan
He needs to hear this.
I don't need to hear anything from you guys right now. (as Zoey reads a magazine, a small beep from her computer alerts her that she has a webcam connection, and she begins to watch the conversation) If you cared about me, you wouldn't judge my friends!
So you don't think it's weird that right after she leaves PCA, you make friends with some bizarr-o girl that just happens to look exactly like Zoey?
Gretchen is a lot of fun.
Logan
Ha! Yeah, like the way she spits and picks her nose?
Oh, yeah. Don't forget the fun way she pops her pimples at lunch!
Logan
We'll unlock the door when you admit that you miss Zoey.
Well, then we better order some pizzas and a toilet, 'cause we're gonna be in here for a while.
Logan
Why is it so hard for you to just admit it's killing you that Zoey's gone?
It's hard to admit something that's not true! (Zoey looks upset)
Logan
Ooh! Looky here.
Logan
Zoey gave you this, right?
Logan
Why? If you don't care about Zoey, then why would you care about a stupid little stuffed animal she gave you?
Logan
It's cool. Chase doesn't care about it.
Logan
Good.
Logan
Well then I guess it wouldn't bug you if I do this! (rips the head off the giraffe)
Logan
It's cool.
I don't wanna live with "Mooshna."
Logan
Dietrich.
I don't want any new roommate!
Logan
Then we gotta figure out a way to make her think Chase still lives here.
(over walkie-talkie) Can I stop doing this?
(into walkie-talkie; yelling) NO!
(Michael is swimming in the hot tub until Logan arrives)
Logan
Hey, Michael.
(Michael doesn't answer, so Logan throws a squish toy football at him. Michael goes crazy, then turns to him and removes his goggles and snorkel)
Logan
Our problems are over!
You got us that special shampoo?
Logan
No. I found a way to convince that housing lady that Chase is still our roommate.
How are we gonna do that?
(Logan leaves to go get something, then comes back with a fake version of Chase and waves his arm)
Logan
(impersonates Chase) I'm back.
(Michael nods at the idea as Logan does some poses on the fake Chase)
(Coco is crying really loud and putting suitcases into the back of her car)
I can't go camping, leave me alone.
Okay, what do you mean you can't go camping?
I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be cheating on me.
(The kids all moan)
So I went to his house and I climbed up the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home, right?
KKids
Right, makes sense, yea.
Then I thought he was gonna bring home another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.
Logan
Okay, well, that's good.
No, because the branch I was sitting on broke and I fell on her.
I don't know, Carl says she has a fractured neck or something.
Okay, so then what happened?
He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.
(Coco continues crying and gets in the front seat of her car)
You can't just leave us here at PCA.
(Coco starts driving away and crying)
Logan
Wait!
What are we supposed to do?
(Coco drives away and her suitcase falls out of the back of her car spilling underwear and ravioli all over the road.)
Okay, but hurry, because I bet the guys are freaking out.
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Logan
Relax!
We're under dorm arrest! If my grandma hears my name in the same sentence with the word "arrest", that lady's gonna back up over me with her pick-up truck. And she's got big old tractor tires on that thing! How come you're so calm about this?
Logan
Because, I'm rich and innocent. I'm also great looking, but that's just gravy.
Did you, or did you not leave that message on Dustin's voicemail?
Logan
Yeah, but I didn't want anybody else to hear it.
Everybody's heard it. Half of America has heard it. It's all over the web. You have brought disgrace to Pacific Coast Academy and-- What are you doing?
Logan
Just checking some sport scores. You should get one of these--
Stop speaking! You should never have left that voicemail, it was out of control.
Logan
OK, I get it. No more angry voicemails. Now can I please go work on my tan while the sun is still out?
Logan
Get what?
I've had calls from the PCA Board of Directors, the Alumni Association, and I've heard from dozens of parents, all of them complained about that vicious voicemail you left Dustin. A lot of people want me to expel you.
Logan
Then why don't you tell them all, that my dad donates a million dollars a year to this school, which makes me untouchable.
Your daddy's money isn't going to help you this time.
Logan
Come on, you can't expel me.
I'm sending you to a 10 week class in anger management.
Logan
Why?!
Because you have an anger problem.
Logan
I do not! This whole thing is just stupid. I don't have an anger problem!
AMAnger Management Teacher
Logan, can you answer the question?
Logan
I don't know. I guess people get angry when, they don't get what they want.
AMAnger Management Teacher
That's part of it. Yes.
Logan
(addressing anger management class) I go to PCA, a boarding school not too far from here. And I left a voicemail for this kid, Dustin---
DDavid
You're the jerk that left that voicemail?!
AFAngry Female student
I heard that on the internet!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him)
Logan
(To Katie) Hey, can I borrow a pen?
KKatie
(To Logan) DON'T HASSLE ME!!!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him once again)
Zoey 101 · 325 quotes
