Logan Reese quotes from Zoey 101

Chase

They hit....

and punched....

Logan

and kicked....

Chase

It was a medley of pain.

Logan

Chase, if you want to be a member, you have to pay attention.

Chase

I don't want to be a member.

Logan

Then why are you here.

Chase

I... Live here...

Logan

(gives a gift to a "Silver Hammer") This is just to let you know I'm interested.

Thanks, but I'm seeing someone.

Logan

But wait, wait, wait.... I didn't mean...

Logan

Hello...

Michael

Hello...

Chase

Hello...

HIIIIIII!

Logan

STOP IT! Stop it right now! [everyone else turns to him] I can't take being locked in a room with a bunch of insane freaks! [they look at him, dumbfounded] Yeah, I called you freaks!

Lola

WE'RE freaks?! You're the one who's sitting there, [her voice gets quieter] staring at yourself in the mirror! [Logan looks at her] You're the one who's sitting there- [she puts her hand near her throat] ...My voice! I lost my voice! [everyone cheers except her]

Chase

All RIGHT!

Logan

YES, about time!

Lola

You're all so mean! [cries]

Chase

Aww...Now that's nice.

Michael

What's nice?

Zoey

Seeing you two cooperate.

Logan

Well, ribs do bring people together.

Dean Rivers

Why are the police here?

(recognizing one of the cops) John Jones! (drops plate of ribs and runs off)

There he is!

He's running!

Get him!

Don't let him get away!

Cuff him, fellas!

Zoey

What was that about?

(puts handcuffs on Pierre LeMange) You're under arrest. Come on, let's go.

Dean Rivers

(confused) Why is Pierre LeMange under arrest?

Well, this guy's not Pierre LeMange.

Coco

(outraged) WHAT?!

He's an imposter. He goes around the country pretending he's Mr. LeMange so he can get free stuff and special V.I.P. treatment.

Chase

(outraged) No way!

Logan

(outraged) For real?!

Yup. We've been chasing this guy ever since the Burbank tamale festival.

Zoey

(outraged) Oh, my God!

Michael

(confused) Burbank has a tamale festival?

Put him in the car.

Coco

(running after the fake Pierre LeMange) WAIT! WAIT FOR COCO!

(through bullhorn) Step away from the car!

(as police car drives away with him in it) Uh, you have sauce all over your face.

Logan

(sarcastic) Great! This whole rib cook-off was for nothing!

Chase

No it wasn't.

Lola

Yeah, we had some fun, had some ribs, got to see some cops tackle some fake dude.

Logan

Oh... my God.

Chase

I'll never be the same.

Michael

Now, I know why they call 'em chopsticks.

Chase

Uh, you okay there, Dustin? [Dustin just stares at the blank TV screen]

Logan

Come on, kid, it was just a movie, not like they're gonna come and-- [Dustin gets up and runs out of the room]

Dean Rivers

(after the fire alarm has gone off) All right, all right, the good news is there's no fire.(They cheer) Wait, wait. The bad news, one of you obviously pulled the fire alarm for no reason. Would the person who did it like to confess? (nobody talks) I didn't think so. All right, let me be clear. Pulling a fire alarm is not funny. (laughter is heard) It's a serious offense. If it happens again, and I don't find out who it is, I'm giving this entire dorm detention. (the boys start complaining) Now, go back to bed.

Logan

OK, whoever pulled the alarm, if you do it again, you're getting your butt kicked.

Michael

Yeah, a fake fire alarm is not drippin'. (all of the boys look at Michael)

Chase

Saying drippin' is not drippin'.

Michael

Hey, hey! You can't use the term against itself. [to himself] I hate when people disrespect my term... I need some French fries.

Dean Rivers

(after the fire alarm has gone off for the second night) All right, I told you what would happen if someone pulled that fire alarm again. All of you have detention this Saturday. (all of the boys groan as they start to walk inside)

Who keeps pulling that stupid alarm?! [to a nerd] Was it you?!

No! No, I-I-I'd never do any- [bully pushes him to the ground] Ow! Ow, ow, rupture!

Chase

Whoa, hey! We're not gonna solve this problem by shoving random nerds.

Oooooooh! Excuse me, voice of reason!

Michael

Look, I'm tired of being woken up in the middle of the night when I'm dreaming about... [the others look at him] You people don't need to know what I dream about!

Logan

Well, I don't like detention.

Neither do I!

Chase

Hey! How about we take turns, staying up, hiding, watching the fire alarm? That way, we'll catch whoever's doing it.

That's good.

Michael

Yeah! That idea's drippin!

Chase

It's not gonna catch on. [they start to walk back inside]

Michael

Yes, it will.

Logan

Sweet! My J-Phone just downloaded three new shows and two movie previews!

Michael

Oh, will you quit showing off your fancy Asian phone?

Logan

Ooh, what, you're not gonna say it's drippin?

Michael

Hey, hey. Don't you mock drippin'. Don't you mock my new word!

'Scuse me, is that the J-Phone, from Japan?

Logan

Yeah, but uh... [whispers] Don't say anything okay? They're not legal in America. [winks]

I'm aware of that. [takes the J-Phone from Logan]

Logan

Hey!

Dean Rivers, can you come over here please?

[shows him the J-Phone] Here's what's been setting off the fire alarm every night. [points at Logan] This kid's cellphone.

Logan

Huh?

It's called a J-Phone, made in Japan. They're illegal in the U.S. because they operate on restricted frequencies used by police and fire departments. [glares at Logan] Frequencies that set off fire alarms.

You're a dead man, Reese.

Yeah!

Logan

[laughs] Right, I'm sure you're all just gonna beat me up, right here in front of Dean Rivers.

Chief Beck, our coffee's ready!

Oh! Coffee!

Dean Rivers

Let's get some.

Logan

Uh, Dean Rivers? [the boys move towards him] Dean? Sir!

Chase

Uh... [clears throat] Run. [Logan runs]

Let's get him! [the other boys form an angry mob and run after Logan, except Chase and Michael]

Logan

How could you two just let those guys beat me up last night? How could you do that?

Michael

It was easy.

Chase

We just walked back to the dorm, and went to sleep.

Chase

Okay, you are the worst roommate ever!

Logan

But, I am goooood-looking.

Logan

All right! You want an idea? How about... your characters are bowling pins and you're terrified of being hit by the bowling ball. How's that?

Michael

That could be really funny. How did you think of that?

Logan

I'm good at everything.

Excuse me, children, please leave this room so that Mr. Reese may speak with his son.

Chase

Hey, come on, this is my room too. [Chauncy offers him a $50 bill] You know, suddenly, I feel like standing in the hallway. Come along, Zoey. Mr. Reese. [leaves the room along with Zoey]

Zoey

You're giving me half that money.

Logan

[feeling concerned] What's going on?

[holds up a piece of paper] This is the bill for my United Express credit card.

Logan

So?

$327, 000?

Logan

Oh, I bought a car.

Without asking me?

Logan

You said I could use the credit card at PCA whenever I wanted.

For books, food, maybe a little entertainment.

Logan

It's a very entertaining car.

It's going back.

Logan

What? Dad, that's cruel!

I'm cutting you off. [Logan looks shocked] No money, no checkbook, no credit cards.

Logan

What? Dad, no! [grabs Chauncy by his suit coat] Chauncy, please talk to him!

Let go of my lapels, or I'll poke you in your neck

[as Logan faces him] The credit card. [Logan then feebly gives the credit card to him] Chauncy?

Logan

[now getting frantic] What, what, what? No, no! Wait! No, no! [Malcolm takes the scissors from Chauncy and cuts the credit card in half, causing Logan to scream] [Malcolm then hands the destroyed credit card back to his distressed son, and returns the scissors to Chauncy, before walking over and opening the room's door] Dad!

Gentlemen, take the plasma screen, the laptop, the stereo, and all that stuff there.

Logan

[realizing that his dad is not only taking away his money but also his luxury items as well] No, no! Dad, please! Why? Why the stereo? I need the stereo, I have to listen to music! [The movers pick up and carry away the stereo as Logan continues to plead] Oh, no, please! Put it down! Dad, please! Please! [Malcolm continues to stand firm, ignoring his son's pleas, as the movers return, unplug the plasma screen TV, and carry it out of the room] No! Dad, not the plasma screen! No! Noooooooooooooooooo! [collapses to his knees in distress]