Zoey Brooks quotes from Zoey 101

Lola

Why should we help him?

Chase

He wouldn't help us.

Zoey

Yeah, but we're good people.

Lola

Yeah, I am a good person.

Zoey

You know, it's really wrong to read another person's e-mail.

Chase

You want me to stop?

Zoey

No! Read it!

Zoey

What are you guys doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Mom, what did you do to your hair? Why aren't you answering my questions?

'Cause you're not taking any pauses.

Zoey

Why are you here?

Well, we have a little news.

Zoey

Are you having a baby, Mom?

No.

No babies. No babies, right?

No. No.

Zoey

OH MY GOD! He went to England!

Lola

This is so tragic!

Quinn

It's kind of sweet.

Zoey

TRAGIC!

Quinn

OKAY! Tragic!

Chase

Zoey transferred back to PCA?!

Zoey

: Chase moved to England?!

Chase

Michael! Zoey left England. She went back to --

Zoey

Hey.

Chase

Zoey. (smiles) So...you're back at PCA.

Zoey

Yeah. And you're in England...at Covington?

Chase

Uh...yep.

Zoey

Why'd you go there?

Chase

'Cause you wouldn't go there! To PCA! Or...I thought you wouldn't...which clearly you did. (pauses) Why...did you?

Zoey

I missed you.

Chase

I missed you too.

Zoey

And...I, uh...kind of heard something.

Chase

What do you mean?

Zoey

Well...a few weeks ago, when I was there, and you were here...

Chase

Yeah?

Zoey

I guess you, or Michael or Logan, left your video chat on...

Chase

Okay...

Zoey

And I heard you say something.

Chase

Uh...could you be more specific?

Zoey

(sighs) I heard you say you're in love with me.

Chase

Oh. That's uh...pretty specific. Could you hold on a sec?

Zoey

Sure.

Chase

(turns off computer) OH MY GOD!!!! (turns computer back on)

Chase

I love you, Zoey.

Zoey

Now, was that so hard to say to my face?

Chase

It was easy.

Zoey

Good. I love you too.

Well, it's really cool to meet you guys. If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)

Bye.

Lola

Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.

Quinn

Who dresses cool.

Lola

And doesn't smell like bugs and ravioli.

Zoey

Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her back?

Quinn

Why not? Most people trash her right to her face.

Zoey

Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.

Lola

It wasn't your fault.

Stacey

Anyways, Coco already got another job.

Zoey

She did?

Lola

Really?

Quinn

Already?

Stacey

Yeah, she's working at Vaccaro's Fancy Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.

Lola

See, I bet a server there makes a ton more money than a school dorm advisor.

Zoey

Good, that makes me feel a little better.

Stacey

Um, Coco isn't working there as a server.

Zoey

Then what's she doing there? (scene changes to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)

Coco

(to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her) Steak! (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you doing here?

Zoey

Well, Stacey told me you got a job and I just wanted to come by and say "hey."

Coco

Hey.

Zoey

Look, I'm so sorry about what happened.

Coco

I'm not. This job is fantastic.

Zoey

Yeah?

Coco

Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's really great, um, sometimes they let me--

(from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?

Coco

Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall and turns to Zoey, sobbing) "KILL ME!! GO GET A HAMMER, THEN COME BACK, AND KILL ME WITH IT!" (walks into the stall) OH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Zoey

Um, Coco?

Coco

I can't go camping, leave me alone.

Lola

Okay, what do you mean you can't go camping?

Zoey

What's the problem?

Coco

I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be cheating on me.

Coco

So I went to his house and I climbed up the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home, right?

Right, makes sense, yea.

Coco

Then I thought he was gonna bring home another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.

Logan

Okay, well, that's good.

Coco

No, because the branch I was sitting on broke and I fell on her.

Lola

Oh my God!

Zoey

Is she hurt?

Coco

I don't know, Carl says she has a fractured neck or something.

Michael

Okay, so then what happened?

Coco

He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.

Quinn

You can't just leave us here at PCA.

Lola

It's semester break!

Logan

Wait!

Zoey

What are we supposed to do?

Zoey

Hey guys, we got a problem.

Quinn

What's wrong?

Zoey

Michael just called me and said that he and Lo...Why is Quinn a clown?

Lola

I got bored!

Zoey

So you're sure you were nowhere near the admin building last night between midnight and 1:00 a.m?

I'm sure. I was already in bed asleep by 10-

Lola

[yelling] WE'RE NOT IDIOTS!!!

I-I never called you an-

Lola

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 1:00 A.M.?!

Now you're scaring me!

Zoey

'Scuse us! (drags Lola away)

Lola

She's a liar! That's a lying lunch lady!

Lola

[yelling at Shaymus] DID YOU SMASH THE TROPHY?!

I never smashed nothing, you little chicken!

Lola

LIAR!!!

Zoey

We're sorry we bothered you!

[to Lola] I'm sorry SHE exists!

Zoey

Okay, but hurry, because I bet the guys are freaking out.

Michael

I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!

Logan

Relax!

Michael

We're under dorm arrest! If my grandma hears my name in the same sentence with the word "arrest", that lady's gonna back up over me with her pick-up truck. And she's got big old tractor tires on that thing! How come you're so calm about this?

Logan

Because, I'm rich and innocent. I'm also great looking, but that's just gravy.

Zoey

Awesome. So, I'll see you in class tomorrow.

James

I'll see you.

Oh, my God.

Michael

Oh my God.

James

Who talks to a kid like that?

Zoey

[angrily walks over to the closet and begins rummaging] Michael, where are your golf clubs? I'm gonna use a five iron on Logan's head! Here they are. [draws out a long golf club and begins walking towards the door, but James takes the club from her and Michael grabs her around the waist and lifts her up] Hey, put me down! [Michael sits her down on the couch beside him] Am I the only one who wants to do something about this?!

Michael

No, you're just the only one who wants to drive Logan's head 150 yards.

Zoey

I want to get him!

James

We're gonna get him.

Zoey

How?!

James

I think we just need to let Logan hear what he sounds like. [waves Dustin's cellphone with Logan's voicemail on it]

Dustin

He won't care.

Zoey

No way he'll care.

James

I bet he'll care if a lotta people hear what he sounds like. [connects Dustin's cellphone to the computer and begins uploading the voicemail online]

Zoey

Look at you! How can you not get mad?!

Logan

'Cause I'm too smart for you. And you. And you!