Zoey Brooks quotes from Zoey 101

Zoey

I can't believe the three of you took on the whole football team!

Logan

Four of us...

Michael

Yeah, Del Figgalo helped. Sorta.

Quinn

(yelling) Mark! My Mark!

Michael

Hey, hey, hey! There is nothing funny about a young man with a scooter caught in his pants!

Lola

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, there is.

Zoey

There really is.

Quinn

How'd it happen?

Michael

[to Zoey] It's her fault!

Zoey

How's it my fault?!

Michael

You went and got me all excited about Lisa, then I got nervous!

Lola

You like Lisa? Aw, how cute!

Michael

Oh, it is NOT cute! I can't even talk to the girl without something like this happening!

Lola

Awwwww.

Zoey

(to Rebecca) Why? What did I ever do to you?

Rebecca

You made Chase break up with me.

Lola

No, she didn’t.

Quinn

Chase broke up with you because you're a bucket of nuts.

Is that an oatmeal raisin cookie?

Zoey

Yes?

Gimme the cookie, and I'll let it slide. (she does, and he takes a bite of it) You are LUCKY.

Zoey

It's true, my roommate's a freak! [Quinn looks at her] Lola.

Quinn

Oh.

Lola

(in British accent) Oh, look, it's my gorgeous roommate, Zoey Brooks, with a bottle of Blix in her hand.

Zoey

...Should I call the campus psychologist?

Lola

(talking to Gene on the phone) Hey, Gene! You wanna be in the dance contest with my friend, Zoey? She's cute and boyfriendless!

Zoey

You're such an idiot. (takes the phone out of Lola's hand)

Zoey

Why would you want a date with Logan?

Stacey

Have you seen him? He's scrumptious! AND HIS ARMS! Oh, his arms! (swoons)

Chase

Aww...Now that's nice.

Michael

What's nice?

Zoey

Seeing you two cooperate.

Logan

Well, ribs do bring people together.

Dean Rivers

Why are the police here?

(recognizing one of the cops) John Jones! (drops plate of ribs and runs off)

There he is!

He's running!

Get him!

Don't let him get away!

Cuff him, fellas!

Zoey

What was that about?

(puts handcuffs on Pierre LeMange) You're under arrest. Come on, let's go.

Dean Rivers

(confused) Why is Pierre LeMange under arrest?

Well, this guy's not Pierre LeMange.

Coco

(outraged) WHAT?!

He's an imposter. He goes around the country pretending he's Mr. LeMange so he can get free stuff and special V.I.P. treatment.

Chase

(outraged) No way!

Logan

(outraged) For real?!

Yup. We've been chasing this guy ever since the Burbank tamale festival.

Zoey

(outraged) Oh, my God!

Michael

(confused) Burbank has a tamale festival?

Put him in the car.

Coco

(running after the fake Pierre LeMange) WAIT! WAIT FOR COCO!

(through bullhorn) Step away from the car!

(as police car drives away with him in it) Uh, you have sauce all over your face.

Logan

(sarcastic) Great! This whole rib cook-off was for nothing!

Chase

No it wasn't.

Lola

Yeah, we had some fun, had some ribs, got to see some cops tackle some fake dude.

Lola

How long do you plan to let Dustin keep staying here at night?

Zoey

'Til he's not scared anymore.

Lola

What if that takes weeks? I can't handle that, Zoey! I need to be able to throw my bra on the floor without worrying if your little brother's gonna find it, take a digital picture of it, and show it to his friends.

Zoey

This is important to me! I want to be on the cover of Buzz!

Chase

No, you don't, you're just obsessed with beating Lola because you guys are in a fight!

Zoey

Okay, I do not need a therapist, so if you're not gonna help me—

Chase

Maybe, you do need a therapist, because you're not even acting like you.

Zoey

Oh, I'm not?

Chase

You're the one who said contests like this bring out the worst in people. Well, guess what? It's bringing out the worst in you!

Zoey

That's so not true!

Chase

It's like...you? To run around, freaking out, dying for Logan to pick you as the prettiest girl at PCA?

Zoey

(brief pause) ...Topaz, pearls, or red balls?

Excuse me, children, please leave this room so that Mr. Reese may speak with his son.

Chase

Hey, come on, this is my room too. [Chauncy offers him a $50 bill] You know, suddenly, I feel like standing in the hallway. Come along, Zoey. Mr. Reese. [leaves the room along with Zoey]

Zoey

You're giving me half that money.

Logan

[feeling concerned] What's going on?

[holds up a piece of paper] This is the bill for my United Express credit card.

Logan

So?

$327, 000?

Logan

Oh, I bought a car.

Without asking me?

Logan

You said I could use the credit card at PCA whenever I wanted.

For books, food, maybe a little entertainment.

Logan

It's a very entertaining car.

It's going back.

Logan

What? Dad, that's cruel!

I'm cutting you off. [Logan looks shocked] No money, no checkbook, no credit cards.

Logan

What? Dad, no! [grabs Chauncy by his suit coat] Chauncy, please talk to him!

Let go of my lapels, or I'll poke you in your neck

[as Logan faces him] The credit card. [Logan then feebly gives the credit card to him] Chauncy?

Logan

[now getting frantic] What, what, what? No, no! Wait! No, no! [Malcolm takes the scissors from Chauncy and cuts the credit card in half, causing Logan to scream] [Malcolm then hands the destroyed credit card back to his distressed son, and returns the scissors to Chauncy, before walking over and opening the room's door] Dad!

Gentlemen, take the plasma screen, the laptop, the stereo, and all that stuff there.

Logan

[realizing that his dad is not only taking away his money but also his luxury items as well] No, no! Dad, please! Why? Why the stereo? I need the stereo, I have to listen to music! [The movers pick up and carry away the stereo as Logan continues to plead] Oh, no, please! Put it down! Dad, please! Please! [Malcolm continues to stand firm, ignoring his son's pleas, as the movers return, unplug the plasma screen TV, and carry it out of the room] No! Dad, not the plasma screen! No! Noooooooooooooooooo! [collapses to his knees in distress]

Zoey

Oh my God, we actually feel bad for Logan Reese.

Lola

Unbelievable.

Zoey

Wow.

Chase

That's insane.

Zoey

He's letting kids throw tomatoes at him?

Lola

For a dollar a piece?

Chase

Can I have a dollar? (Zoey nudges him)