Will & Grace quotes

Grace

This is me as a little girl. Look at that big, goofy smile. STUPID IDIOT, OPEN YOUR EYES, NO ONE'S EVER GONNA LOVE YOU!!

Grace

Look, I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you all. I wish that I were. But I'm not. Will, your lover of 7 years left you and you have to live everyday knowing that he's out there loving someone else. I couldn't do that. I would die. And Karen, your husband is in prison. The rock of your life, and you don't know when you're going to see him again. If I were you, I'd be a total wreck. And Jack, you're so resilient, you're a 32 year old actor/singer who gets involved in a million different relationships, and never gets invested in any of them. I wish that I could do that, but I can't. I'm not like any of you. I just handle things differently, so please, just let me go back to bed, and deal with things the only way I know how.

Karen

Finally, you're here!

Rosario

You know, if you're gonna leave me in the limo for five hours, the least you could do is crack a window.

Karen

What, and let you start yapping out at all the other maids so that they can come over and jump on the car? I don't think so.

Rosario

You better watch it, lady, because the next time you take a bath it'll be rub-a-dub-dub, I drop the blender in the tub.

Grace

If you were any gayer, you'd be Elton John's fanny pack.

Jack

I'm auditioning for "corpse on a slab"!

Will

I don't know what that means, but "wear a condom" seems like an appropriate response.

Karen

So, how'd you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?

Will

I'm hungry.

Grace

I'm thirsty.

Karen

I could hump a tree.

Karen

Oh, honey. You have a dream. You know, I had a dream too. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh, look, my dream came true!

Jack

I couldn't help overhearing... because I was standing here listening.

Will

Now, brace yourself for real dysfunction: WASP dysfunction. You can't see it, you can't talk about it, but you know it's there.

Grace

Like a fart in church. [Everyone stares at Grace] Just tell them about the code.

Will

Ah yes, the code. "Business trip" means my father going away for the weekend with his mistress, also known as "associate" or "client".

Grace

I learned that the hard way last year when I said I was taking on three clients at the same time.

Grace

Did you mean what you said? Are you thinking of having sex with someone else?

Karen

Stop fishing, you big lez! It's not going to be with you!

Grace

Aw shucks, and I made myself all purdy.

Grace

So I repeated the joke. When you discovered "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," you rode that till the wheels fell off.

Karen

Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus, up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidl and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

It's dark. It's glam. It's sad. It's Christmas

Will

Jack, this isn't like the pound, where you can take home the one that wags his tail at you... Or some gay bar where you can... take home the one that wags his tail at you.