Will & Grace · Season 10
Hi, I'm Grace Adler. I live in the building, and I'm running for president of the New York Society of Interior Designers. I actually designed this lobby. What's your name again?
Sharon Timmer. I've lived directly below you for 19 years. Could you move? I wanna get my mail.
Why'd you let me talk for so long?
Hi, Mrs. Timmer.
Your wife is yappy and rude.
That's why we never have sex.
Karen, you're a gorgeous woman, and as long as that contract you signed in blood holds up, you'll be gorgeous for eternity.
If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?
Do you think Karen's all right?
Well, we know she's not dead, because I'd get an alert on my phone about her last wishes. I'm supposed to delete her porn and set your closet on fire.
Marriage is a series of moments. Waking up in the morning. Smiling at each other over the kitchen table. Hiding jewelry together and blaming the maid. Then firing her and watching her cry as she packs her one tattered suitcase into the back of a cab. You know - couple stuff.
You've never felt too gross for sex?
Never. Not once. Not even the day I got hit by a cab.
What are you in for?
I tried to climb your precious wall.
Well, maybe you should do what other immigrants do to try to get in legally, like, I don't know, be white, or look white, or marry the president.
Rosario gave me that perfume. She said it would bring true love into my life. Her exact words were, "This will cover up the stink of the alcohol, and then maybe you can trick a man into tolerating you."
[to Karen] Ye of big boobs and little faith.
Will, you gotta help me. My dad's on the way up, and he wants me to drive to Schenectady with him.
Oh, that's nice.
You know that's not "nice". Don't be that guy.
Oh, how awful.
Awful? He's my father!
Why don't you text me what you want me to say, and I'll read it back.
[Grace sends Will a text and he reads it]
Wow. If I could do that to myself, I could delete my Grindr account.
If you'd have told me 20 years ago that I'd be getting married, I'd have so many questions. Like, "Are gays allowed to get married?" or "Can gays serve in the military?" And, "Why would we want either of those things?"
So, Grace tells me you think I'm a bit of a dick.
I never said that!
I know. I'm just being a dick.
[about not telling Grace he has a daughter] Look, if I could go back in time, I'd tell her on the first date. Of course, if I could actually go back in time, I'd kill Hitler, invest in Apple, then tell Grace.
Will, your brother died.
What?
He was doing his business in the neighbor's yard, and then he started shaking and just fell over.
Oh my God!
[crying] Oh, poor Dr. Silly!
[pause] Wait... your dog? I thought you meant Sam or Paul! And you made me picture them pooping in the neighbor's yard! Pooping and then dying? That's my worst fear!
So the order is: Latinos have it worst, then Black men, then gay guys.
Oh, no no no. You have to put Muslims on the top of that list. Try being me and getting on a plane.
Try being me and getting a taxi.
Try being me and getting back into the country!
Try being me and having to claim Kevin Spacey as one of your own.
Well, he was good in The Usual Suspects.
Would you want him to be Black?
[pause] OK, I see your point.
Hello, my name is Reuben, and today, I am a bar mitzvah. Can I have a private dance in the champagne room?
How dare you? I am a lady of quality!
I have a $180 savings bond.
[taking his arm] Well, Reuben, you should have opened with that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
