Will & Grace quotes

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All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
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Ben: So, the salad's done, the risotto is cooking. Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick; so you're asking the wrong gal, okay?

Grace: Jack, this isn't going to be as hard as you think. On some level, your mother has to know your gay. I mean, she has met you, right?

Grace: Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.
Karen: How could she not know? What is she, headless?

Grace: Your lips can go from here [points to Will's lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]

Jack: You couldn't do my job for one night. I challenge you!
Will: Okay, I'll do it.
Jack: Ha! I knew you wouldn't do it because you are scared.
Will: I agreed.
Jack: What just happened?

Judith McFarland: [in response to Jack telling her he is gay] Looking back on it... there have been clues. When you were a child, you were overly fond of the nursery rhyme "Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub". And you do have a lot of flamboyantly gay friends. I mean, look at Will!

Karen: Hey. Hey, you're on the clock, tamale. Get to work!
Rosario: Listen, lady, I'll squash you like a wormy apple.
Karen: [suddenly emotional] Oh, Will, don't let them take my sunshine away!
Rosario: [embraces her] I love my mommy!

Karen: Honey, love you like a cold sore!
Season 3

Karen: Honey, Stan can't make it. He's having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his... kidneys... I wasn't really paying attention.

Karen: Sorry, fruit, you're out of the loop.

Will: Holy hangover, Batgirl. How fun was last night?
Grace: So fun. Naomi and Kai know all the best clubs.
Will: Yeah. Who'd have thought that after 2 a.m., Tiki Donuts becomes a Latino drag queen bar?
Grace: I forget... Is "chocolate ├ęclair" the name of a donut or one of the performers?
Will: Why are you screaming at me? Yech. [puts his head in the sink under running water]
Grace: [looking down her shirt] Oh, my God. When did I get my nipple pierced?
Will: [looking down Grace's shirt] That's your earring.
Grace: [Pulling ring out] Not right. So what time are we hooking up with them tonight?
Will: Midnight. It's gonna be wild.
Grace: This whole week has been wild.
Will: I know. They're crazy.
Grace: They're fantastic.
Will: I hate them.
Grace: Me, too.

Will: I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a postmenopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.
Karen: Okay, are we done yet?
Will: No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.
Jack: I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh, my very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.
Will: No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together any more. She's got her own apartment.
Jack: Eight dysfunctional feet away.
Karen: Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.

[An extremely young nurse enters to take Grace's blood.]
Grace: Isn't-- isn't there someone else who is a little more... experienced? Someone who didn't drive in... on a Big Wheel?
Nurse Pittman: Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"

[Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
Grace: What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.

[Jack has accidentally slammed the door onto Grace's face.]
Grace: Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]
Jack: Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.
Grace: [sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.
Jack: I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?
Will: Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?