Earlier tonight, Lionel Banks invited me to his hotel room. Well, at first I didn't wanna go because, well, I'm a lady and I do have moral standards to uphold... [Karen, Jack, Will, and Grace laugh hysterically] I know, that was just for us. Anyway, so I go to his room, we start talking, have a couple of minibars, and, uh, next thing I knew, he's touching me. I couldn't stop him, I didn't want to. After years of being with Stan I felt like, finally! A man who knows how to make a woman feel like a girl, and how to make that girl feel like a slut, and how to make that slut feel like a woman!
S5 E1And The Horse He Rode In On
Sex is a drug, Karen. I should know; I'm a licensed dealer.
S5 E2Bacon and Eggs
[Jack is in a group interview for the job of Kevin Bacon's assistant]
KBKevin Bacon
Now, I thought that, instead of doing some boring interview, it might be good to find out what you know about me. I'm sorry, that sounds vain - me and my career.
First film: Animal House. Character's name in Footloose: Ren McCormick. Number of films with full frontal nudity: four. Number of films with full sidal nudity: three. Number of films with rear frontal nudity: priceless.
KBKevin Bacon
The rest of you may go.
KBKevin Bacon
When the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. It's a little tip I picked up from Val Kilmer.
You were in a movie with Val Kilmer?
KBKevin Bacon
No, but he was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men with me. [pause] Huh, that was a short one.
S5 E3The Kid Stays Out of the Picture
[Grace hasn't told Will about her romance with Leo]
I've got to tell Will the truth. The whole truth.
Well, maybe it's for the best. Then you and I can move on with our lives, out in the open, to love freely.
Karen, we're not a couple.
[smiles knowingly] Aren't we?
[pause] No.
Well, all I know is that when I woke up this morning, there was red hair on my pillow and lesbian porn in the VCR.
Admit it. You're happiest when I'm miserable. I mean, come on. Isn't that our thing? Because then you don't have to look at how miserable you are.
Shut up, Grace!
But I am not gonna be miserable for you. I am gonna try to be happy, and if you can't deal with that, then you are even more pathetic than I thought!
Get out of here.
Go to hell!
No, I mean it - I want you out of here in two weeks! You don't live here anymore.
S5 E4Humongous Growth
[laughs] Kids are dumb.
I don't know how much longer I can live with Will. Every time I get in the shower with him, he's like "Jack, get the hell out of here!"
Eew. Eew. I think I just stepped in a puddle of throw-up. Throw-up makes me throw up.
Quit jumping. You're gonna have two puddles.
Please look. Is that throw-up?
Look for yourself! I'm not your vomit-looker.
S5 E5It's the Gay Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Oh God, two guys are already lined up for the next Star Wars movie. I'm gonna show up there in two years and cut right in front of them.
[Karen catches Stan having an affair]
Stanley, that had better be me you're having sex with!
S5 E6Boardroom and a Parked Place
Oh. Hi, honey. Listen, you gotta talk to that shower head. He got a little fresh. I had to put him in his place. Well... [whispers] my place.
I love the opera. Getting dressed up, hanging out with fabulous people, drinking champagne. If it weren't for the damn music, it'd be a perfect evening.
SMr. Stein
I want to thank you, Will, from the heart of my bottom...no, wait...strike that, reverse it.
S5 E7The Needle and the Omelet's Done
Friends, it's finally happened - my fame has reached a whole new level. I just got recognized on the street!
Jack, someone yelling "queer!" from a passing car is not a fan.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.