Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Will

Look, if I can't have sex with you, I couldn't have sex with any woman! It's a compliment to you!

Grace

That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy, you turn me on," not "One look at you proves I'm a queer"!

Jack

Hi.

Will

What are you doing in the closet?

Jack

I could ask the same of you.

Jack

Judas! You're Judas! This is exactly what happened with him!

Will

I don't know that what happened there was a gay love triangle.

Grace

Oh, my God. I know this apartment. You'll never guess whose it is. You're gonna die.

Will

We're all gonna die, Grace. The important thing is what you do while you're here.

Will

Okay, basketball's not my game.

Yeah, I kind of suspected that when I suggested a game of Horse and you got down on all fours.

Will

I knew that sounded too good to be true.

Look, you don't have to pretend to like sports for me.

Will

Yes, I do. It's why you broke up with your last boyfriend, isn't it?

Do you really think I'm that shallow? I broke up with him because he was poor. I'm kidding! I'm kidding. We were just different. I like foreign movies. He liked foreign men.

Grace

Okay, here we go. [tries to start the car, but it just clicks] That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?

Karen

Oh, my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!

Will

Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.

Jack

I don't understand this. I mean, what's going on right now? What exactly are we watching?

Will

This would be called a basketball game.

Jack

Uh huh, uh huh. And where is this all taking place?

Will

That's Madison Square Garden.

Jack

That's a sports auditorium now?

Will

It's the world's most famous sports arena. But I can see how that fact may have eluded you, given that your entire knowledge of sports consists of giggling every time you hear the word "balls".

Jack

[giggles] Gets me every time.

Grace

Oh, Will, what you must be feeling! I mean, we were just talking about it, and then whoomp! There it is.

Will

"Whoomp! There it is"? What am I supposed to say, "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Will

Hide the crucifixes. Beelzebooze is here.

Karen

Ha ha. Oh, honey. I got a fake laugh with your name all over it.

Grace

Come on Jack, eat something. I got you this lavender cupcake.

Will

Yeah, with rainbow sprinkles, the color of our flag.

Will

He's using my new Chantal sauté pan with a metal-edged spatula. There is no way a crêpe is ever going to slide off that again.

Grace

Wow, you are more gay before 9 a.m. than most people are all day.

Grace

You know how every school has that girl all the other kids make fun of? Bad at sports, a little overweight, friends with the lunch ladies?

Will

I was that girl.

Will

Look, I have a really great time with you, but you're 23.

Scott

And 3 quarters.

Will

See, just the fact that your age has fractions in it...

Grace

I'm 27 years old. I'm not getting any younger.

Will

Really? Because in that last sentence, you just became 5 years younger.

Will

Let me try to explain this in terms you'll understand. I'm tequila. [Will picks up small bottles on Karen's desk.]

Karen

Oh, I'm liking this story better already!

Will

These are my friends: gin, vodka, and scotch. [Scottish accent] Hello, Karen!

Karen

Hiya, kids.

Will

Now. You got an emergency. You want a Bloody Mary. You've poured yourself a thimble of tomato juice. Who you gonna call? Me? Tequila?

Karen

What is this crazy talk? I want my vodka!

Will

Exactly. So from now on, you only call tequila when you have a legal problem.

Karen

Okay, I get it now. You're comin' in loud and queer!