Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Will

Last week I was the guy you had to have. I was the guy with heart!

Ben

That was the honeymoon period, Will. Honeymoon's over. Good times, though, right?

Will

Ben Doucette, Karen Walker.

Ben

I know Mrs. Walker.

Karen

Oh, yeah...I remember you. Stan and I met you at the Whitney opening. You were the bartender. Yeah.

Ben

No, you just gave me your drink order.

Karen

Yeah...and I'm still waiting for it.

Will

Claire...I mentioned her a thousand times. Claire, lives in Paris, works in fashion. She was my Grace before I met Grace.

Jack

Claire...nope, doesn't ring a bell. Cla-cla-cl - I don't like her name, though. I'm going to call her...Bettina. Yay! Bettina's coming to town! It's much better.

Grace

Your sperm is like the school you don't really want to go to, but you know you can get in. You're like my safety sperm.

Will

What, my sperm is Florida State?

Will

Yay, my dad's here!

Grace

Look at you, Mr. Happy Boots. I wish I got that excited about seeing my dad.

Will

Come on, your dad's great.

Grace

Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so are you.

Jack

I'm an expert. I go on literally thousands of dates a year.

Will

That doesn't make you an expert, that makes you an escort.

Jack

Look, if what's holding you back is your attraction to me, let me assure you: [points to self] It will never happen. Let that free you to pursue other, lesser men.

Will

Oh, Jack...there are no lesser men than you.

Grace

When you and I broke up it was for different reasons. I wanted to raise the kids Jewish, you wanted to sleep with men...

Will

I really do enjoy that.

Jack

You know why we're blocked? It's because heterosexual marriage is just wrong! If God had intended a man and a woman to be together, he would have given them both penises!

Will

I believe I heard Pope RuPaul II say that.

Will

You and Ben?

Grace

Hey, you were the one who wanted us to make nice. We did. We made nice - twice.

Karen

Who let you in?

Will

Your butler.

Karen

[snorts] You mean ex-butler.

Will

Speaking of exes, it's going to be nice being your ex-lawyer. Not having to kiss your ass or pretend that you're interesting is going to free up a lot of my time. I might even learn a language.

Karen

Honey, if you look inside this purse, I'm giving you a little sign language right now.

Grace

Last night in bed I called Josh "Ben". To cover I stretched it out into "Bend over"...and I ended up doing something I never wanna do again.

Will

Good thing Ben's name isn't "Pee-Wee".

Will

Did I just scream like a woman?

Grace

Don't flatter yourself. You scream like a girl.

Grace

We went out a couple of years ago. It was...interesting.

Will

She's being modest; it was terrible. For six weeks they fought like cats.

Grace

Yeah, but we made up like dogs.

Will

What is that smell?

Grace

Why do you always look at me when you say that?