Keith Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Veronica

Did you hear something last night?

Keith

What kind of something?

Veronica

Like a loud thump from upstairs.

Keith

I don't know. But you know me, I can sleep through an earthquake. Why?

Veronica

I don't know. It sounded like a falling body. It really freaked me out.

Keith

A falling body?

Veronica

Yes, a falling body.

Keith

Would you describe the sound as "Hitchcockian"?

Veronica

I'm glad you're able to entertain yourself.

Keith

Oh, sweetie, don't sell yourself short. I find you completely entertaining.

Veronica

Think I've got a future in the biz?

Keith

I think you've got a future as a highly paid Ivy League-educated executive of some sort who never thinks about private investigation again in her perfect life. Now... let's do something normal fathers and daughters do.

Veronica

Buy me a pony?

Keith

I was thinking I'd watch TV and you'd rub my feet.

Veronica

Hmm. Yeah, that's normal.

Veronica

You ready to put the hurt on that Pythagorean theorem?

Wallace

You don't even want to mess with me on that today. I just about merked my mom's crazy, no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.

Veronica

That guy's sleazy, so I hope merked means something bad. You know, my dad's still got that sheriff sheen. He's great at scaring people away.

Wallace

No, I got it covered. [Keith enters the room]

Veronica

Seriously, you should talk to him.

Keith

Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?

Keith

Wallace's mom had a plan, and I didn't want to overstep.

Veronica

Overstepping is your main form of transportation.

Keith

It's a waterbed.

Veronica

Alright.

Keith

Come on, you've wanted one of these things since, like, you were 5 years old.

Veronica

I also wanted to marry Vanilla Ice and build the world's largest collection of Z-bots.

Keith

You're covered in mud.

Veronica

See, that's why you make the big bucks.

Veronica

What do you want for Christmas?

Keith

Love and respect.

Veronica

You know.. there are some people who think Christmas is about the birth of Christ, not baseball.

Keith

Well.. we're all entitled to our own religions Veronica.

Keith

You don't go to the Oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you?

Veronica

I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there.

Keith

So how do you wanna play this?

Lamb

I say we play to our strengths.

Keith

So I'm good cop?

Veronica

Hi, Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial.

Keith

You know the odd thing? Those were also her first words.

Keith

Hey honey, what's cooking?

Veronica

Not sure myself. Something that ends in -aroni.

Keith

Hey, honey. What have you been up to?

Veronica

Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, 'cause there's some place I'd like to put it!

Keith

Wow. Good thing I didn't go with the bear trap.

Veronica

This is not funny! I need to see that diary! She's lying. I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

Keith

Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face.

Veronica

You're patronizing me?

Keith

To be fair, I am your patron.

Keith

Don't forget. You're a high school girl. Do some high school girl things now and then.

Veronica

Relax, Dad. I'm cutting pictures of Ashton out of Teen People as we speak.

Keith

Guess who stopped by today?

Veronica

If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed.