Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Keith

You all packed?

Veronica

Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character.

Veronica

[imitating Clint Eastwood] You a bounty hunter, boy?

Logan

I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan. Well, wanna feel like a man, walk me to class?

Veronica

[normal voice] Carry your books?

Logan

Why not? [they start walking to class] Guess who I saw on campus today?

Veronica

Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now.

Logan

No, Dick, my BFF.

Veronica

I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans.

Logan

Well, he's back.

Veronica

Did you guys talk?

Logan

Yeah, but it was brief - shouted his name, flipped me off: the bonds of friendship.

Veronica

Daaad, come here.

Keith

You beckoned?

Veronica

Yeah, you'll never believe it, a maid from our hotel in New York found the flash card with our vacation pictures on it. Look.

Keith

HOT DOG!

Veronica

Hot Dog?

Keith

Its an expression of excitement and enthusiasm.

We saw you get ripped off.

Veronica

You're twelve. What were you doing up at Hearst?

Checking out the college girls laying out. Some of them go topless.

Wallace

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up right there, son. Tell us exactly where this sunbathing goes on.

South quad, where that statue is.

Veronica

What are you saying you saw?

Piz

Is it the Randolph Hearst statue, or the amorphous blobby thing?

Keith

'Sup?

Veronica

I'm not acknowledging that.

Veronica

[about two girls] New friends?

Logan

Yeah, from weightlifting class.

Veronica

Right! The only class you never miss. So, what - you guys, like, spot each other doing squat thrusts and stuff?

Logan

And have group sex in the showers. [Veronica scoffs] What is this, jealous?

Veronica

Oh, jealous would involve piano wire.

Logan

Oh. So what was that?

Veronica

That was mild annoyance at the fact that two gym buddies invite you to a party and you're there already, but whenever I want to do something interesting, you're busy.

Logan

You mean "interesting" like some fossil wheezing through a novel?

Veronica

First, Martin Amis isn't a fossil, and second, yes, it's college. We're supposed to expand our horizons past video games and binge drinking.

Logan

My horizons go slightly beyond that.

Veronica

Great. So, how about tonight we check out the art-major group show?

Logan

I'm busy? [she sighs] No, really, I have a class till ten, but if you come by afterwards, we could write on ourselves. Get real, uh... political.

Veronica

That's what a girl wants to hear: "Darling, do all the weird crap you like, just don't be late for the booty call."

Weevil

[to boss] Guess I'll wash some spoiled bitch's graduation gift from daddy, huh?

Veronica

I'm not spoiled, and uh, technically, it wasn't for graduation.

Weevil

What about the bitch part?

Veronica

That depends on who you ask. How are you, Weevil? I haven't seen you...

Weevil

Since that awkward arrested-for-murder incident? Yeah! I remember.

Veronica

You plea bargained down to assault?

Weevil

And now I'm working at the car wash. Which, as it turns out, is not as fun as the song might sound.

Dick

Veronica Mars - modern college girl on the go.

Veronica

Dick Casablancas - Neolithic college boy on the sauce.

Veronica

I bet you'd be pretty psyched if I found someone who could help.

Keith

My level of psyched would depend on the someone.

Veronica

Eli Navarro. Remember?

Keith

You mean Weevil? Oh, Veronica, please.

Veronica

Dad, I'm serious.

Keith

Oh, I don't know, all those times I arrested him, he never struck me as great secretary material. Didn't he get busted for murder?

Veronica

Assault.

Keith

See, so he's not even a very good murderer.

Logan

While I appreciate the interest, Big Brother, I hope -

Veronica

Wow, a 1984 reference. Did you read that in weightlifting?

Logan

You know, your dad was half right. You have a thing for bad boys, but you don't want to reform them. You just get off on judging them.

Veronica

Which reminds me: can I borrow your copy of 101 Brooding Comments?

Logan

I only have the Cliff Notes. Look, I've got to run, so to save you the trouble, I'm surfing in Mexico with Dick and Mercer this weekend. I'll fax you the coordinates so you don't incur any more cell-tracking charges, and I'll keep a journal of my bad thoughts in case you want to stick my face in a cage of rats when we get back. Sorry, 1984 is the only book I read.

Logan

Is this the help desk? 'Cause I need a little help.

Veronica

Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there's a guidebook?

Logan

No, it's more like, uh... what's beyond pathological?

Veronica

This is a bad idea.

Keith

No, it's not.

Veronica

You only think it's not because you came up with it.

Keith

Ergo, how could it be bad? Math, sweetie. Me + idea = good.

Logan

You were expecting Sidney Poitier?

Veronica

No jokes. No innuendos, no quips. Don't even think of alluding to having seen me naked or having touched any part of my body that does not have fingers.

Logan

Can I mention that my eyes adored you? I got it. No calling you Bobcat, no talk of milky thighs.

Veronica

Go home.

Logan

Veronica. Don't worry. I wont say anything bad.

Veronica

Dick, why are you here?

Dick

You saw that article about the Pi Sig house, right? That girl Claire gets raped after one of our parties, and suddenly, school's all in a bunch. There's like this hearing scheduled to try to get us kicked off campus, and that's where you come in.

Veronica

I get to do the kickin'?

Dick

You get to be the spy who loves me. The guys were really impressed with how you cleared the frat of the rape last year.

Veronica

Were they? That means so little.

Dick

They knew we had, like, this connection. So, they sent me here to hire you. We need you to do your Veronica thing and prove it's a pack of lies.

Veronica

Is it? A pack of lies?

Dick

We're a frat. Why rape the cow when you're swimming in free milk?

Weevil

Any big Halloween plans?

Veronica

Oh, you know, the usual: slapping on my sexy nurse duds and rolling tweeners for their chocolate.