Lydia quotes from Two and a Half Men

Lydia

So sorry to hear about your troubles.

Alan

Troubles? What troubles?

Lydia

Oh, maybe I have it wrong. Charlie, didn't you tell me he was divorced, broke, and living on your couch?

Charlie

And, uh, uh, this is my housekeeper, Berta. Berta, Lydia.

Berta

Choose your words carefully, slim.

Lydia

"Slim?" Why, thank you. I watch what I eat.

Berta

Going in or coming out?

Evelyn

What do you do? I mean, besides my son.

Lydia

I'm in real estate.

Evelyn

How interesting, so am I.

Lydia

Oh, yes, Evelyn Harper! I recognize you from your bus bench ads. People all over town are sitting on your face.

Evelyn

Well, dear, maybe someday if you work hard, people will be sitting on your face too.

Evelyn

So Charlie, how long have you been seeing this... lovely woman?

Charlie

Er...how long has it been, sweetie?

Lydia

Are you telling me you don't remember when we met?

Evelyn

The way he drinks?! There's a good chance he doesn't remember coming down the stairs!

Lydia

Did his father drink?

Charlie

What choice did he have?!

Charlie

I couldn't help but notice that you, uh, put some of your stuff in one of my drawers.

Lydia

Yeah. Hey, you want to come in here and make up for last night?

Charlie

Yeah, but I think we should talk about this drawer thing.

Lydia

OK. [she opens the shower curtain to reveal her nude self to Charlie] Talk.

Alan

I'd like to take a moment to talk about my brother and his incredible love for life.

Lydia

He also loved being back for a week.

…while wearing my panties.

He used my panties to make tea.