Two and a Half Men · Season 4, Episode 10
So you understand the situation?
I think so. Now that we're not married anymore, you want to sell my condo.
No, no, it's-- it's our condo. I got it for us. Not the smartest thing I ever did, but my real estate advisor was my penis.
Is that what they mean when they say the market's gone soft?
We had fun last night, though, right?
Lydia [sarcastically]: Oh, terrific. What woman doesn't enjoy pleasing a man who falls asleep while he's in the middle of reciprocating?
Well, that explains why I dreamt I was kissing Abe Lincoln.
[Lydia is in the shower]
I couldn't help but notice that you, uh, put some of your stuff in one of my drawers.
Yeah. Hey, you want to come in here and make up for last night?
Yeah, but I think we should talk about this drawer thing.
OK. [she opens the shower curtain to reveal her nude self to Charlie] Talk.
Charlie [undressing]: Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation...
But I don't want to sell the condo. I can see boats from here.
I understand, but I can't afford the payments.
Kandi [assertively]: I like boats!
[about doing laundry] OK, OK, I can do this. I just turn it on and stick 'em in.
It's a washing machine, not a cocktail waitress. Let's start by separating her delicates.
How is that not like a cocktail waitress?
[trying to ignore Charlie] The reason you need to do these separately is they're mostly synthetic.
Add a beat-up Civic and an ex-husband and we're back to cocktail waitress!
[while doing laundry]
What will they think of next?
Yeah, I hear scientists are working on a machine that can cook two pieces of bread at the same time. Shh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny. Now what?
We wait.
How will we know when we're done?
Don't worry. The machine will call you on your cell phone.
You know what? We need to work on our communication skills.
You know, I always thought that, but I didn't think you'd be open--
[interrupting] No, no, no, you jackass! God, you play along like a monkey with a mandolin!
Okay, she [Lydia] has some faults, but you have to admit she does have her benefits.
Yeah? Well I aint hitting any of them benefits so I don't care.
And don't tell Berta she [Lydia] was here.
Fine. Just give me a heads up when you're lying.
I'm always lying. I'll give you a heads up when I'm not. [leaves]
Yeah you're the smart one. Know how I know? The washing machine called and told me [sits on the couch]
[pause] Ooh high heels and cool whip! [excitedly rushes out the front door]
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