Rose quotes from Two and a Half Men

Rose

Do you know what an aqueduct is?

Jake

Uh... something to do with water.

Rose

And...?

Jake

A duck?

Rose

What are you doing?

Charlie

Nighttime cold medicine and Scotch. I call it the "Drunken Hulk".

Rose

The truth is, I just love feeding him, cleaning him, changing him...

Alan

You're changing him?

Berta

You're cleaning him?

Jake

You know, if you stop feeding him, you won't have to change him.

Rose

I don't mind. I'm a loving nurturer.

Jake

Uncle Charlie says you're a crazy stalker.

Rose

Potato, pot-ah-to.

Rose

You're waiting for a prostitute?

Alan

No.

Rose

Oh, Alan, that's not like you.

Alan

Yeah, well, when you've had your heart broken enough times and you can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection with another human being, what else is there to do?

Rose

A lot of people masturbate, I hear. Really, I've heard them.

Alan

Nevertheless, sometimes a man needs to feel something other than his own touch.

Rose

Have you tried switching hands? It's like being with a clumsy stranger.

Charlie

So, once again, what are you up to?

Rose

OK, at first I was just doing a little light recon on Chelsea to make sure you weren't dating a whack job.

Charlie

You thought Chelsea might be...? Go on.

Rose

Well, good news, she's not. She's got a cousin who's a truck stop hooker, and her mom's an honorary Kleagle in the Ku Klux Klan, but Chelsea's clean as a whistle.

Charlie

Kleagle?

Rose

According to Wikipedia, it's below Grand Dragon and above Exalted Cyclops.

Charlie

[to Rose] So you actually wanna be with him?

Rose

[replies back to Charlie] I do.

Charlie

[to Alan] And you believe she's got no ulterior motive whatsoever?

Alan

[replies back to Charlie] I do.

Charlie

[to both of them] Fine. I now pronounce you fruit basket & nutcase! May God have mercy on your souls.