Jenny quotes from Two and a Half Men

Jenny

I have a motto for situations like this. What happens in Jenny, stays in Jenny.

Jenny

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?

Walden

Up to show her.

Jenny

Oh, you thought...? Oh, no-no-no-no-no, she's mine. Next time, I'll get two.

Walden

What just happened?

Evelyn

Charlie's back.

Walden

Hey, you're welcome to crash here anytime you need a break from Evelyn and 91-and-a-half shades of grey.

Jenny

Seriously?

Walden

Yeah. You know, I was thinking about putting in a home gym, but big deal. I'd rather have a Jenny than a gym.

Jenny

You and me both.

[to Jenny] Mackenzie, you lying bitch!

Jenny

[running away] Uh-oh.

Congo, my ass! Don't run! You don't want to run!

Berta

Yeah, it feels like home again!

Jenny

Don’t worry, nothing could have happened, I’m gay.

Walden

[relieved] Ah, that's right. You're gay. Wait, how gay? Like, 1 being "Yay, it’s college!" Or 10 being "I’m going Subaru shopping with Ellen and Rosie."

Jenny

I'm closer to a nine. I mean, I make my own soap, but I don’t sell it at the Lilith Fair.

Berta

Are we gonna talk about the orgy we had last night?

Walden

What...?

Jenny

You were there?

Berta

Hell yeah. I banged James Franco.

Walden

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Jenny

A little house on the beach in Hawaii with Kate Upton.

Walden

Kate Upton’s straight.

Jenny

Give me two weeks.

Jenny

Well I can see where Walden gets his pretty face.

Well aren't you sweet? He's single, you know.

Jenny

I know, are you? [Walden hastily gets his mother out of the house and turns to Jenny]

Walden

Really?!

Jenny

Hey, just 'cause you came out of it, doesn't mean I don't want to get into it!

Jenny

It's not that complicated. The first time you masturbate thinking about the school nurse, you pretty much know.

Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian.