Two and a Half Men · Season 5, Episode 12
You really want to do something with me?
Yes!
How about if you drive me to the mall so I can see a movie with my friends and you pick me up when we're done?
And... what am I supposed to do all that time?
Well, if I were you, I'd go to Les Girls Girls Girls.
[Charlie walks into the kitchen]
Who's going to Les Girls Girls Girls?
Nobody.
Too bad. Daytime's better. Dancers are a little worse for wear but they try harder.
[Charlie is on the couch, sick]
Hello? Anybody here? Anybody gonna take care of good old Charlie? OK, then. [picks up the phone] Time to scrape the bottom of the barrel. [on the phone]: Mommy, I don't feel good!
Charles, don't tell me you've got a case of the Bangkok Drippy-Drip. [to her pedicurist]: No offense.
No, it's either a cold or a flu
And this concerns me how?
I thought you could make me some soup or put a cold wet cloth on my head.
Oh darling, I'd love to, but, unfortunately, Mommy's sick too
[Evelyn holds her phone up to the pedicurist, who is coughing violently due the the nail polish}
That does sound bad.
Oh, it is.
[In Thai, subtitled] I hate painting the hooves of this white she-bitch.
What was that?
Oh, just my delerious fever babble. Bye dear.
[hangs up]
What are you doing?
Nighttime cold medicine and Scotch. I call it the "Drunken Hulk".
The truth is, I just love feeding him, cleaning him, changing him...
You're changing him?
You're cleaning him?
You know, if you stop feeding him, you won't have to change him.
I don't mind. I'm a loving nurturer.
Uncle Charlie says you're a crazy stalker.
Potato, pot-ah-to.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
