Oh come on. Do I really have to get blood on my tux?
Service abandonment. Guild non-assail pact of 1958, paragraph 20, line 17 regarding employer's rights to a deserter
MThe Monarch
Yeah, here’s all the paperwork. Now step aside.
I don’t care if you have a note from Santa Claus, you are not getting in.
MThe Monarch
Ah-ah-ah! I have a little bargaining chip.
[Monarch bring in Princess Tinyfeet tied-up with ball-gag in the mouth]
Princess Tinyfeet! You untie her this instant.
MThe Monarch
Ahh, we didn’t tie her up.
She’s way, way into the bondage thing. You want her back, you better start respecting her very strange needs.
My little beige bunny, is this true?
MThe Monarch
She insisted we drive her here in the trunk. She is a freak.
[nuzzling an escort] How about I take you to my boudoir and give you a little Rusty Venture?
[She gets off his lap, slaps him and walks away]
Whoa! Denied! What was that about?
Boom! Right out of the gate, you ask for a Rusty Venture. That is bold, my friend. Kudos!
What? I had chilled bubbly in my room.
Rust, you do realize that a "rusty venture" is when you take your finger and run it around a guy's asshole while you pull the guy off into his own face.
What?! My name is a sex act?! When did that happen?!
Uh, like, in the 80s, and Al is way off. A rusty venture is when you 69 and fill each other's mouths with cum; then you turn over and blow splooge into each other's cracks.
Good lord! How can that be named after me?! What does that have to do with me?
Oh, don't play coy. Your cartoon was huge in the gay community. We used to throw Rusty Venture parties in the Castro, and we'd all wear little striped tops and tight little shorts.
How could you not know this? Man, you're like a little twinkie Cher. A ginger friggin' Liza Minnelli.
No. I missed this. I don't 69 guys and do that spinning thing.
That's not a Rusty Venture. That's a Snake Venom.
You are misinformed, my darling. [Pulls out cell phone] You want to settle this, maybe make a little wager?
Fine. I'll bet you a Rusty Venture I'm right.
You are on. I'm going to call an authority on both subjects.
[answering his phone while doing a model of the USS Indianapolis on his dog's back] Hello? Oh, sure. I am the one who started that craze in P-Town with Tennessee Williams. It's brilliant. What you do is you take a scuba snorkel and you put your cock in the wee bendy mouth part. Then you snake the other end right up your back address, okay? Then you just grab the middle of the snorkel and you're fuckin' your own ass and pulling off your crank at the self-same time, until you're standin' in your own jacksie! That's a Rusty Venture! [His dog runs off] Mischa! Mischa! Bad girl!
[hanging up] Useless. That was Colonel Gentleman.
And the out-of-touch old windbag just described a Double Frog Man.
[on other end] You? I told you, when your arch is terminated by a third party, it's not our problem! A what? Well, of course I do! It's when you fist a guy and then open up your hand inside his ass and grab—no, he's laying down. Then whatever you come out with, you rub on his dick.
Wrong! The Rusty Venture is a straight move. Okay, it's when you take a girl out for a huge dinner, but you don't let her go to the can. Then you have anal sex with her and she craps all over your dick; so right when you're about to get off, you take it out and blow shit cum all over her back.
No, that's the Rusty part; the Venture part is when you eat that junk off her back without using your hands.
Yeah, I heard it. and you're both wrong. To settle a bet. Yes, with Shore Leave.
What does she see in him?
No, that Raven kid. Her boyfriend.
Oh, lets see now. He’s super handsome, I can say that, he’s got cool hair, cool clothes, and worse of all, he’s a cyborg.
No, I asked, she said that they’re just crutches.
Oh, even worse, that means he’s a cripster, dude. He’s rocking a hipster angle and a sympathy angle all-in-one. There’s no way you can compete with that.
2#21
I'm sick of this! I'm slightly drunk, I'm talking to the ghost of my fucking dead friend, I'm probably in love with you, so...yeah, whatever! I'm over it!
MMonarch
You're "over it"?
MMonarch
Whoa, wait. What?
Well, that's a stretch. We got drunk, and maybe we kissed...
MMonarch
Sure...where was I then?
2#21
Where were you? You were there! We were on top of you! [The music stops] We made out on you!
MMonarch
So you had a drunken threesome! Join the fucking club! We're villains, you crybaby! We swing! I watched my wife suck Manta Claus dry and then make him breakfast!
2#21
Wh...you guys are nuts! Yeah, great! [Flipping off everybody as he leaves] Fuck you! Fuck this completely crappy fucking excuse for a fucking prom!
I have the pee-pee cancer, and there ain’t a thing on Earth anybody can do to fix me. Son, I'm fixing the shuffle of this mortal coil.
[Treister climbs in a torpedo tube]
Wait a minute, what the hell are you doing?
DO NOT LET GO OF THAT WHEEL BOY! THEY’RE 2000 SOULS ON-BOARD.
What about the OSI? You worked your whole life for this place, General. Now you’re just gonna abandon it?
Na. From where I sit, it looks like the ol’ gal is in pretty good hands. Took guts to bust out the nest and go off on your own, son. Took balls to... cut off your balls. Even without them your got more true grit man-moxy-on-tap than any of these yes-men and bureaucrats been running the place.
Do not kill yourself you crazy bastard!
Ain’t killing myself son. I said there ain't nothing they can do for me on this Earth. But there is one thing might could cure me, ALIEN TECHNOLOGY.
[Molotov & Monstroso inside the limo hanging off a cliff]
Well well well, here we are again. How long are we gonna keep doing this Mol, till we’re old and gray, huh? Every year we pretend to try to kill each other. You know neither of us actually do it.
Speak for yourself, Samson. [Reaches for her gun]
[Has the gun] Oh, looking for this?
Hmm, we seemed to be, as you say, stalemate.
Not from where I’m sitting. Ah, give it up Mol. You got nowhere to go but down, and you know why? Because you are a bad person. You don’t know the first thing about duty or honor, or friendship, your just a cold-hearted mercenary BITCH. I’m tired spending my life chasing you.
What if I told you it wasn’t for money this time. What if I told you that I've... changed! [Remove her chastity belt]
What, for real’s, or is this another one of your tricks?
No Samson, it is the real thing.
[Brock & Molotov draws close to each other for a kiss but she stops]
What! OH FOR GOD... COME ON, YOU SAID YOU’VE CHANGED!
You misunderstand, Samson. I am, how you say, taken.
[Molotov looks at Monstroso (unconscious) in the backseat]
HIM! OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!
It is like you say, “I’m a bad person”, and so is he. He is also rich, powerful and quite well endowed.
OOutrider
You know, a wise man who's either Gurdjieff or Baba Oje once told me, "you can never step into the same river twice."
That makes no sense, sir.
OOutrider
Triana really likes that boy and they're very happy together. And if you truly love her, you should move on and be happy that she's happy. Don't you think?
You know what I think? Fuck you!
(Doctor Venture addresses his new interns)
You have been chosen because you are the best students in the physics department at your university. You are the best of the best.
OIOffscreen Intern
I'm majoring in sports medicine!
Okay...you've been chosen because I accepted every application.
(Gary - formerly Henchmen #21 - accidentally breaks up an O.S.I undercover operation.)
Okay...I wasn't prepared for this, but...freeze! This is SPHINX!
(from under his costume) Gary!? What are you doing, you idiot?
(removing his mask) I swear I'm going to reach down your throat, rip out your heart and eat it!
Shore Leave? You're part of Long Division?
Yeah, that's it. Brilliant conclusion...
We're undercover, moron. We were undercover...
We've been wearing these smelly-ass sweat-soaked masks for a week for nothing.
Nice move, Chubs. The kid's dead. So's Tom.
You killed an eight-year-old boy with the corpse of the only person who knew where Long Division's secret base was. Argh! That's so raven!
Gary, you better shoot me or somethin', 'cause I'm about to kill you.
I was being a good guy! And you left me S.P.H.I.N.X! What did you expect me to do?
Honestly, use the hot tub a couple of times. Not run around like a lone wolf fighting crime. That WE are already fighting!
(taking a crossbow away from Gary) This my crossbow?
Aw, c'mon! It makes me feel like a wookie.
