Molotov quotes from The Venture Bros.

You KILLED my FATHER!

Brock Samson

After you killed my partner.

You took my EYE!

Brock

After you took...my heart.

NYET! You know I can only go to second base!

Brock

Still? After all these years?! Urrrgh! I thought the cold war was OVER!

It's always cold in Siberia.

Brock

(Lighting two cigarettes, then smoking both at the same time) You want one of these? (Throws Molotov the pack, she lights one and smokes sexily)

Brock

GARRRRRRR! (Stabs his knife into the mattress and stands up with a giant erection) I gotta go take care of something.

Well, let's say we get you settled in. Shall I make up the fold-out couch in my dad's old study for you, or, ahh, would you be more comfortable in the master suite?

Get something straight, I am here only as a favor to that man whose feet you aren't even fit to kiss. I am not protecting your lives, I am saving his. Because by the time he gets back, you will no longer need a baby sitter. I'm going to turn you into men.

Dean

Why is my brother dressed like that?

I didn't ask. I thought you two liked to dress like idiots.

Dean

Hey!

Listen, we kinda got off on the wrong foot, you and I, and I don't mean the one you just kicked my teeth in with, I mean earlier. So, fine. If you're not interested the one hundred and thirty five pounds of grade A American come-and-get-it, I can respect that. But, uh, we can at least be friends right? (Molotov smiles and shakes his hand) So tell me, friend, you might know this. The whole Russian mail-order-bride deal on the Internet, is that on the up and up?

(coldly) I wouldn't know.

Because those Chinese ones are a real racket. The damn thing was already dead when the crate finally showed up!

Nyet! Ew, milk breath.

Hank

Incredible.

Dean

Hank! We've got big troubles. The Apaches are back!

Hank

What?

Dean

Look. Tepee in your trunks!

Hank

My pants are haunted! My pants are haunted!

Do you want me, Hank?

Hank

Yes'm.

Your father will never let us be together. He's a big old doodyhead who wants me all to himself.

Hank

He's a jerk!

Yes, Hank, he is. But what are you going to do about it? (she reveals her breasts, which are in fact duplicates of Hank's head)

Kill pop! Kill pop! Kill pop! You should totally kill pop.

Hank

Father...

Yes, Hank?

Hank

I want to kill you...

That's nice. Play pirate somewhere else, boy. Your father's busy.

Hank, nyet!

Hank

Molotov... I want to... oh baby!!!

Well, this is as far as I go. There's a rental car waiting for ya, quarter-mile south of here. Keys and a new I.D. in the glove box, Cochise. Good luck to ya, man.

Brock

Yeah, I uh... I only got one problem with that plan... Hank never called you! (draws out his knife and places it against the Cleaner's neck.)

[sitting on red convertible, wearing white sweats] I did. Figured even the mighty Brock Samson might have trouble fighting the entire OSI.

Brock

Molotov, I don't know why I'm surprised. How'd you find us?

You haven't exactly been discreet.

Brock

Oh, like that get-up is? Though, I gotta admit for a disguise, it's pretty good. Hardly recognized ya.

Wha-what dis... I'm off duty.

Brock

Haha. That's-That's how you dress when you're not catwomaning around?! I may have to rethink this whole relationship.

Hank

Who is that hood rat Brock's talking to? He can get any shorty he wants!

Brock

Well well well, here we are again. How long are we gonna keep doing this Mol, till we’re old and gray, huh? Every year we pretend to try to kill each other. You know neither of us actually do it.

Speak for yourself, Samson. [Reaches for her gun]

Brock

[Has the gun] Oh, looking for this?

Hmm, we seemed to be, as you say, stalemate.

Brock

Not from where I’m sitting. Ah, give it up Mol. You got nowhere to go but down, and you know why? Because you are a bad person. You don’t know the first thing about duty or honor, or friendship, your just a cold-hearted mercenary BITCH. I’m tired spending my life chasing you.

What if I told you it wasn’t for money this time. What if I told you that I've... changed! [Remove her chastity belt]

Brock

What, for real’s, or is this another one of your tricks?

No Samson, it is the real thing.

Nyet!

Brock

What! OH FOR GOD... COME ON, YOU SAID YOU’VE CHANGED!

You misunderstand, Samson. I am, how you say, taken.

Brock

What, by who?

Brock

HIM! OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

It is like you say, “I’m a bad person”, and so is he. He is also rich, powerful and quite well endowed.

Brock

ARGH, alright, enough.